Nov 30, 2010

I gotta talk to my manager.

"Uh huh." Abatu grunted in as sarcastic a manner as was possible.  "I see how it is, now.  Sure, you bitches get to be all up in my face when it suits you, but, as soon as some shit goes down, ooOOoh, I'd better ask Abatu for help.  He's a nice guy."

Jay El smiled weakly, noting that time had stopped and that he was not inside his body.  He looked down at it and saw all the spines clearly about to land upon him.  He would not survive.

"And what, when I said it wasn't a good idea to piss off a luck demon you didn't bat an eye, but NOW when something doesn't go your way, you immediately think of me.  How touching."

"Ummm, yeah, look, I'm sorry.  I... I kind of forgot that you weren't the thing, that gave us the whole mission and stuff... I kind of got you confused with this other thing."

"Understandable, what, we both being pink and all (apparently)"


"I suppose you have the same problem with black people all looking the same, too, right?"

"Exact... hey! no.  NO!  Hey!  Come on!  That isn't even the same..."

"Oh, of course not!  Pink is totally different.  I concede to your logic.  So.  Let's get down to business.  What the fuck do you want?"

"...not to die?"



"And I should help you because...?"

"Because... because Lydia believes in me?  Because I'm on a mission to save the world?"

"Psh.  Lydia believes in you?  Come on, dude.  You're killing innocent creatures left and right with no qualms. If anything, you're a bad guy who needs to be put down, not encouraged."

"No, NO!  Really, I'm a good person!  Its these circumstances!  They keep... well, its hard to explain, but genocide seems to be the lesser of... two... "  Jay El stopped his sentence.  "Look, that didn't come out right.  Maybe Lydia will vouch for me?"

Abatu sighed, "Its a good thing I am both immortal and able to freeze time.  Otherwise this whole thing would clearly be wasting a resource.  Go ahead.  Pray."

Jay El closed his eyes and prayed.  He prayed so hard it was like a mob boss not wanting to see his innocent daughter get tortured due to his own evil deeds.  He prayed so hard it was like someone who had eaten at Taco Bell wanting the burning squirts to stop.  He prayed so hard... oh, you get it?  Okay:  He prayed hard.

Lydia's assistant showed up and spoke to Abatu, who was incredulous, stubborn, but respectful.  "look, frankly, I'm concerned about your choice of... yes, no I see the potential desti... yeah!  No, I'm just worried that... well yeah!  Well how would YOU feel if... I suppose... sure, yeah... no it isn't just the... okay... B.... bu... . but I.... right... yes... yes... n... we... well I..."

Jay El squinted into the conversation, and looked down at his terrified body.

"...Fine.  But we're talking some serious luck manipula... yeah... okay... but how am I supposed to... right.  Yeah.  No, yeah, I get it... yeah, he's okay I guess.  Right... potential for good... the whole world?  I suppose... yeah...  but I don't wanna use up any more of his... right, greater good... okay...  maybe I could take some energy from the... yeah, right... okay.  Okay... I said okay, okay?  Okay.  Yes.  YES, I will.  YES I SAID.  Okay."

Jay El looked at Abatu with big, hopeful eyes.

"Alright.  Look, here's the deal.  I CAN help.  And, Lydia seems to think you're worth saving."

"Great, what's it going to cost me?"

"That's the thing.  I want YOU to make ME an offer.  Because this?  All this?" Abatu gestured to everything around him, including various time vortexes, the manticores, the spines and a few other random odds 'n sodds "This isn't cheap.  This isn't easy to do.  This is, quite frankly, very taxing.  I'm SUPPOSED to be resting, I'm SUPPOSED to be saving up my energy to help you friggin' later, but, here we are."

Jay El smiled.  He'd hurt Abatu's feelings, it seemed, but, things would be okay.

"I can offer you my most cherished memory.  It isn't something I offer lightly."

Abatu nodded, glad to see he'd made his point.  "Okay."

"The memory of my daughter's birth."

Abatu arched an eyebrow.  "That's a pretty good one."

Jay El lowered his head.  "For the greater good, I will do what I must.  Lydia has vouched for me, and I cannot allow this to be for nothing.  I cannot."

Abatu took a moment, and sighed.  "I... here's the thing.  There's a loooot of spines."

Jay El looked up.

"I don't really wanna take another memory from you, y'know?  I mean, you're less and less the man I hitched my wagon to, y'know?  And frankly, I'm concerned about your recent decisions.  So, I was talking with Lydia, and, this one time, I think what we could do, is basically, blow up your shield, and combine that energy with the memory.  That would boost it's output, and give me the juice I need to save you.  But then, this is kinda it, right?  I mean, I seriously need to collect my energies and you're becoming less and less a source of positivity from which to bask, y'know what I'm sayin'?"

Jay El nodded, he knew what he was sayin'.

"Alright then."

Jay El nodded again.

"Birth of your daughter, a disintegrated shield, and a not-dead you, comin' up."

: How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

Nov 29, 2010

Gnoll Flambe

The group readied themselves, but then, hesitated.  It wasn't like Gnolls to attack without the element of surprise.  And, while technically the group was currently surprised, it was going to take the Gnolls about a minute or so to get to the party.

"Something's wrong, here." Ash commented.  "Doesn't feel right."

Jay El nodded.  "What if they aren't attacking us?  What if they're..."

"Running?" came Raelin's interjection, as he began summoning a fireball.

"From what, though?" Jay El questioned, "There's nothing... on the..."

Raelin launched a fireball and obliterated the Gnolls.

Jay El paused, and looked up, and was unable to see too far due to the tree's canopy.  "...ground..."

Manbearpig followed Jay El's thought and glanced upwards.

Jay El breathed his prayers of flight and launched himself skyward so as to get a glimpse of what they might be up against.

There were six, flying, lion-like creatures covered in long, wicked-looking spines; their large, dragon-like wings were carrying them about 180 feet in the air in large, powerful flaps.

The Manticores looked at the sudden appearance of Jay El, who was only about 60 feet above the ground, and fired a volley of their spines at him.

Caught completely unprepared, Jay El looked in horror as the rain of spines approached him.  Manbearpig had told him a story once, when they were young, about such creatures, and how their spines could pierce through plate mail and even mythral like they were butter.

Jay El closed his eyes and flinched "ABATU!" he yelled.

: How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

Nov 28, 2010

Sunshine lollipops, gnolls and manticores

The group continued its slow progress through the light snowfall, pausing only briefly to consider the consequences of starting a snowball fight, and, realizing that it was clearly in everyone's best interest not to do so, because:
1 - Tribby's would be snow boulders with poo centers
2 - Ash would probably stab someone
3 - Raelin would almost definitely cheat with magic, and then stab someone
4 - Med would probably be one of those "don't get my hair wet" kind of girls

So... on they trudged.

Progress was slow because they had to stick to the roads, and take longer ways around things as a result.  Shibou was a big fatty, and there was no way she was getting through the forest.

As they neared a particularily large clearing, the party halted at Tribby's sudden lurch.  The party had grown to respect the behemoth's senses, and, this was one of those times where it paid off with information considerably more vital to survival than who had just farted.

"Gnolls" she grunted, pointing to the East.

: How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

Manbearpig Meditation I

This Audio Really helps sell the scene

Manbearpig's meditation was... not going well.

"Something evil this way comes"

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Nov 27, 2010

We can't even stack wine skins on his face?

The night came and went with little in the way of distractions.  The Nykter tribe did fly overhead, screeching and screaming their protests, but, they failed to find the party hidden beneath the canopy of trees.

Jay El glanced at Manbearpig, who was still deep in his druidic trance.  He'd read somewhere that waking people up when they were trancing was really bad for them... or was that sleepwalking?  Either way, he seemed totally into it and Jay El figured it would be okay to move him, but, did so as gently as possible; ignoring Ash and Raelin's requests to both charcoal genitalia onto his face, as well as tie him to Shibou's nonexistent wang (The Duckephant being a female), and instead, tied him gently to Gluestick, who gave him a concerned neigh.

"I think he's okay, Gluestick." Jay El soothed the concerned companion.  "He's just been through a lot." he finished, smiling feebly.  Manbearpig had to be okay.  He just had to.

How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

Nov 26, 2010

Just don't kill the younglings again.

Jay El let out a sigh.  It hadn't been the exact answer he'd been looking for... but it hadn't not been, either.  The Gods always were ambiguous in their answers, and, always did work in mysterious ways.

Ultimately...  this was his path.  This was his journey.  This was...  his destiny?

He looked, as the sun set completely.  Was it darkest before the dawn?  Was it calmest before a storm?  

"Everything happens for a reason my faithful."

He supposed that would have to be enough.  His actions were his own, but, it seemed that there was little choice but to persevere.  The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few, and, it seemed as though this chest gem and his soul were going to go on a wild ride together.  Lydia would see him through to the end.  She would guide him.

"Hey." Ash grunted into Jay El's Tent.  "We're gonna hang out until daylight.  You want my soup?"

Jay El smiled and took the soup  "Sure.  Thanks."

Ash turned to go, and paused.  "Hey... you okay?"

Jay El balked.  It was the nicest tone, let alone words, that Ash had ever used with him.  "Oh!  Uh... yeah.  Thanks.  Pretty wild night, y'know?"

Ash grunted and left.

Jay El smiled down at his soup.
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

Nov 25, 2010

We're sorry, your deity isn't in at the moment

Lydia's assistant appeared.
"Everything happens for a reason my faithful." she smiled, "It is for the salvation of a great many souls that yours must be tested.  It is for a great many misdeeds that yours need be done.  It is for a great many abandoned paths, that yours has been set."  Lydia's assistant smiled reassuringly, "Know that the seeds of your actions bear fruit in the place where time has no meaning, and all that ever is, or ever was, has been, in all ways possible."

"Know that your decisions impact your world, and that you and your friends have been put in this place, at this time, for a reason of the utmost impact upon the world as you define it."

"Follow your path my faithful.  It is yours alone to follow."

Jay El opened his mouth to prompt for more, but the vision was already fading.

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Nov 24, 2010

Jay El Soliloquy

Our heroes awakened in various stages of rest, as some had slept and meditated nicely - others had had somewhat of a restless night filled with the echoing screams of the innocents they'd slaughtered.

Jay El, in particular, was wrought with a special kind of guilt.  The kind that comes from acting with purpose whose ends justify nearly any means, regretting the actions nonetheless, and then having the purpose itself questioned to such a point that... well, Jay El was filled with self doubt, deity-doubt, and purpose-doubt.

In essence, he was doubtful that any of his actions were having his desired effect upon the world.

He glanced up at the sky, which was darkening, and noticed the ring of daylight stones they'd erected to keep out the screaming children, and shuddered.  What was he DOING?  What was going ON?  Who the hell WAS HE?

He looked over at Manbearpig, who seemed to be in some form of druidic trance - no doubt also questioning Jay El's actions, and wondering if he could be saved at all.

Jay El smiled to himself.  A truer friend, one could not ask for.

He frowned at himself, and got down on his knees.  He needed answers.

"Lydia," he began, closing his eyes and putting his hands in a motion of prayer, "Goddess of knowledge and freedom, I seek wisdom and call on you."  He paused, "Goddess of the nourishing sun who warms the back and feeds the soul of weary travelers: I have need of you."  He squinted his eyes tight, "Goddess of daylight and travel, who lights the path of those who dare walk the dark places, guide me!"

"Though it is my only wish to return home to my family, you have seen fit to take me from that place. You have put me on a path to prevent a great catastrophe, perhaps the very end of the world itself."

He gritted his teeth, "With this mystical compass you have led me and my companions to gather artifacts to prepare ourselves for the coming struggle. With only this first artifact in our possession, I begin to see the great power this assembled machine will wield."  Jay El paused and sought out a metaphor, "I feel its power flowing over and around me like the ocean. I fear this machine is a weapon, a weapon powerful enough to bring about the very destruction we aim to prevent."

Jay El paused, took a deep breath and continued, "But already in the name of this quest I have committed atrocities."  His voice cracked for a second, and then, after gathering himself, continued "So many have died or been brutalized by my hands and the hand of my party."  As Jay El finished his prayer, his voice began to reflect his anger and his doubt "Why must innocents bear such suffering so that we may gather such power!?"

Jay El rose to his feet, "I doubt this quest Lydia! And I doubt you! How am I to know we aren't truly the servants of evil and this specter of destruction is nothing more than a lie!?"

"Make your will known and I will be your grim servant. I will do all that needs to be done and, though it has never been my nature, I will wield this power so that no more need to suffer. I will save this world no matter the cost!  If this is truly your will, and our cause is just, show yourself!"

Nov 23, 2010


Killing Stuff
   Thousands of unarmed moguai +1

  Ash & Raelin
   Unarmed high level unarmed moguai druid +25

Role Playing
  Manbearpig +390 {+Flight, +wanting to help, +going to city & +protecting innocent}
  Ash +200 {+Rael conversations, +item holding}
  Tribby +0   {-Emotionless surgery/duckephant portrayal, -lack of sadness for being cast out/beast, -remorseless trampling, +giving in to the Ogre rage/mentality and attacking despite logic}
  Jay El +800 {+Flight, +staying to heal, +diagnosis/inspection/surgery, +logical questions, +anger at Manbearpig, +wanting to find peaceful solutions, +Rael interaction, +Abatu questioning, +Swayability via conversation despite player knowledge}
  Raelin +1,000 {+stayed in character, nuff said}
  Med +1,000 {+stayed in character, nuff said}

 Alignment Modifiers
  Manbearpig +1,000 {+tried to save the Nykter child, +was emotionally torn about what to do with him, -took no action to stop the party from committing genocide upon the rest of them}
  Ash +700   {+acted in basic self defense and self preservation}
  Tribby -2,500 {-gleefully trampled innocent, defenseless creatures multiple times} 
  9 int & alignment to n/n
  Jay El -1,000 {-used mind control against a good creature, -took action which wiped out a peaceful race}
+30% evil
  Raelin +700 {+played characters against themselves well, +created distrust, +took advantage -not skimming off the top from Noble transaction}
  Med 0 {+stayed good through inaction, -allowed evil to happen through inaction}

  +1 piece of the machine!  +1,000 (or, in Raelin's case: 500 for hard part of 1/2 power prism mission)

 Cool things
  Tribby +300 trample scene
  Raelin +50 making it look like an accident
  Manbearpig +25 football-holding, wind-shooting running scene
  Jay El +50 neat double-shot of soundburst via whisper spell

Manbearpig: +2416
Ash: +1925  LEVEL UP!
Tribby: -1199
Jay El: +851
Raelin: +2276
Med: +1001

Nov 22, 2010

Abatu & Jay El dream sequence.

The mists of the ether swirled and parted through metaphor, simile and abstract impressionism as random somewhat daughter-related, somewhat wife-related, somewhat darkness-overcoming-the-soul related images cascaded through Jay El's dreamscape.

"Okay." Abatu stated, simply.  "I'm just gonna say it."

Jay El stopped flying though the mazes representing his moral dilemmas and dietary choices and looked at Abatu.

Abatu waited for a moment, and then continued.  "I'm a little pissed off at you right now."

Jay El's first girlfriend swam by with a fish for a head.

"I mean, you all go and kill a bunch of innocent bat-kids and somehow I'M the bad guy!?"

A skunk representing both guilt and a fear of farting in public places landed next to Jay El and urinated on his leg.

"Look, I'm gonna fulfill a few of my moral obligations here, so, just quit dreaming for a second, will you?  Its distracting."

Jay El nodded.  A unicorn trampled a gopher.

"I feel obligated to tell you that this douche and his lady friend are destined to accompany you on your mission to save the world, and that I used up (again) all my power getting you dipshits together."

Two slugs covered in feces made love on a painting Jay El had made in kindergarten.

"And, (seriously, what the hell is up with the slugs?) I feel obligated to tell you that some of the objects you shitballs are collecting are specifically designed to be used BY one of you asshats."

A donkey fell and dissolved, screaming into a pool of acid, referencing Joss Wheadon in an abstract manner.

"So, that's it.  We're done.  Next time you want a scapegoat to blame for your own fucking mental problems, you're going to have to blame your monkey or something."

A feminine man, neither black, nor white, walked both backwards and forwards at the same time.  

"Best of luck getting back to your daughter jerkwad."


Abatu began to fade out, and hesitated.  He squinted his eyes together as though having a particularly painful bowel movement and made the corresponding sound of "gnnnng!...FINE!  Never mind.  You won't remember this dream at all you lame as shit ball dinknose.  I can't let my personal feelings get in the way of destiny...  besides, if I wipe your memory of this dream NOW... I'll get to yell at you all over again later... after YOU contact ME.  And, let's face it.  You're only going to call when you need something."

Abatu smiled.  "Yeah.  We'll do it that way instead."

Nov 21, 2010

Alarm Clock Warranty Not Valid For Ogres.

Raelin stuck his head close to Jay El's ear and whispered "Hey he's gonna go evil."

"zzzzz (snort) eh?  Wha?" came Jay El's reply.  "Wh... who in the whatnow?"

"Ash.  He's going to go evil.  The Prism is an addictive artifact in the hands of a human.  He doesn't need to eat or sleep, and he will become increasingly addicted to the device."

"ELF LET TRIBBY SLEEP!" Tribby barked, throwing a log in his general direction.

"Right, right.  Okay.  Just thought you all should know that your dear friend is going to betray you and only I can..."


"Okay, okay!" Raelin finished, smiling as he left.  The seeds of distrust had been planted.  What would grow from them, would depend...

Nov 20, 2010

Nice try, though.

Raelin awoke after his customary 4 hours of meditation, and sauntered up to Tribby.  "I can take the next watch.  Elves sleep far less than Ogres."

"Thanks Elf-Guy." Tribby replied, not remembering Raelin's name.

"By the way Tribby, that was quick thinking with the Duckephant.  You really came through for us today."

"Thanks Elf-guy!" Tribby smiled, walking off and heading to bed.  Any part of her which had felt remorse had been squashed and, with Raelin's praise, justifiably so.

Raelin noted that Ash was still awake.  "Hello Ash, feel free to take rest.  Elves need far less..."

"Thanks." Ash interrupted, "but I'm not tired." he smiled.

Raelin arched an eyebrow.  "Really?  Even though you jogged beside the Duckephant while the rest of us road?"

Ash shrugged "What can I tell you?  I'm not tired."

"Have you eaten?"

"No, why?"


Raelin sat quietly to himself.  There was magic at work here, to be sure.  But how best to use this information to his advantage?

"Can I see the prism for a moment?" He ventured.


How indeed...

Nov 19, 2010

Verbal Pong

"So," Ash whispered, checking to make sure Tribby was still on guard duty between them and Raelin,  "what're we gonna do about Raelin?" Ash gestured, pointing in the direction of the meditating Elf from which they'd moved out of earshot.

"What do you mean?" Jay El whispered, following Ash's point with his eyes, and noting Tribby playing with some discarded elk droppings.  "I say we honor our commitment to him, and accompany him to the Dwarves as promised, yeah?"

"Right.  And the Prism?"

"Well, we kinda have to save the world."


"I guess he isn't going to be okay with that."

"Not likely."

"Are you guys for real?" Med whispered back, "I mean, about saving the world?"

"Yeah, we have this quest, we have to make a device that'll save the world from this huge... monster-thing."

"No offense, but you don't seem the world-saving type." Med whispered back.

"Look, we mean well, we just..."

"Suck?" Med finished.

"No, well, I mean, look, random shit just seems to happen to us, okay?  We're on this bigger-than-anything mission, and, we're doing what we can not to break a few eggs along the way, but, this is like, a super cosmic  omelet we're talking about here, okay?"

"Whatever.  Your Ogre friend seemed to enjoy killing those innocent creatures."

"Oh.  Like your Elf friend?"

"Hey, he isn't my friend, he's just..."



"Look.  For now, I say we get some rest." Jay El suggested, feeling his eyes droop.

"I'm going to stay up.  I don't trust Raelin" Ash muttered.

Jay El, Med and Manbearpig (who, it should be noted, was watching this conversation like a tennis spectator) all yawned at approximately the same time, and smirked.  "Yeah.  Time for bed."

Nov 18, 2010

Offending a luck entity - good call.

Everyone looked at everyone.
In a literary paradox, everyone avoided eye contact.
Everyone looked for a scapegoat for their actions.
Everyone looked at Jay El.

"That friggen Abatu... why do we trust him anyway?"

Jay El looked at the group, and jumped on the bandwagon.  "Yeah!" he rubbed his chest.  "Listen here Abatu, we've got some questions, and we'd like some answers."

Abatu, hearing his name, emerged.  "Hey guys.  What's up?"

In a rare moment of eloquence and initiative, Tribby started the questioning "What were you, before you were what you are now?"

Abatu attempted to arch an eyebrow at her, but failed.  He'd never been very good at that particular quizzical yet sarcastic expression, and always ended up looking more like he'd eaten something sour.  "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, what were you before you gave us this mission?"

"What mission?"

"Don't avoid the question!"

"What were YOU before YOU were born, stinky?"

"I don't know!"

"Is that seriously what you're all pissed about?  My origins?"

"No!  We have other questions!"

"Such as?"

"Well, what are we building?"

"I don't know."

"What evil are we preventing?"

"Psh, beats me."

"How old are you?"

"Compared to what?"

"Do you have any useful information?"

"If I did, I would have told you by now."

"Can you lie to us?"

"I don't see why not."

"What if I cast my truth spell?"

"Knock yourself out lady."

Med cast her truth spell.  "Okay, now... lie to us."

"(sigh) alright, I'm blooOOooOooo, sooooo very bluuuue...  hm.  It seems your spell does dick-all."

"So you could be lying to us about everything?"

"I suppose we all could be lying to each other about lying - maybe you're lying about casting a truth spell eh?"

"Stop twisting things!"

"I'm seriously not.  I'm just confused as to what you're all angry about."

"We don't know who to trust!"


"I mean, the Elf King could be evil and trying to raise evil, or YOU could be evil and trying to raise evil, or, or..."

"You guys didn't just wipe out another peaceful village, did you?"

"wait... you guys have done this sort of thing BEFORE!?"

(Awkward silence)

"Well, not on purpose..."
"No, not on purpose..."
"They were clearly up to no good."

"I don't believe this!" Med shrieked at the group.  You're all devils!

"No, no really, we're all good!"
"Well, I'm lawful neutral"
"Close enough, though!"


Abatu smiled at the group.  He decided not to mention the first time he'd contacted Jay El in his dreams, or the second time, when he'd helped Jay El save what few fairies remained alive.  Apparently, they were under the impression that he'd asked for some kind of mission to be undertaken in his name, and, quite frankly, they were kinda being dicks to him at the moment.

"Okay, bye now." Abatu finished.  "Don't come asking me for help any time soon."

Nov 17, 2010

Right now Med's thinking: Am I the only "good" good?

After travelling for a few miles, the group came to a halt.  "We should rest." Raelin mentioned.

"Really?" Ash quipped, "I feel fine."

"Tribby's ears hurt." she said, sadly.  The thousands upon thousands of Nykters were still surrounding them, screaming and pleading for them to return the Prism before it was too late.

Med looked at the group surrounding her, and was unsure of how to continue.  To leave them now, could be incredibly dangerous...  both the wild animals that came out at night, and the group's unpredictable reaction itself was more than enough to worry about.  To stay with them, however, seemed against everything she stood for.  She prayed for a sign, and for forgiveness.

While nothing immidiately happened, eventually the sun came up, which drove away the Nyktars.

Bacca wriggled underneath Manbearpig's cloak, which clearly wasn't thick enough to prevent the sun's rays from reaching him.  He offered the creature an apologetic smile, and said "Go.  Be safe.  I...  I'm sorry."

Bacca looked at him with his large, teary eyes and blinked.  "I...  I want my Mommy."

"I understand." Manbearpig smiled, "It's okay."

"But... but if I go, she won't be my Mommy anymore."

Manbearpig didn't understand at first, but then realized that the little one was probably coming to terms with the very likely fact that his parents would die soon without the Prism, or, perhaps they'd already died from his companions' actions.

"Well...  if you want to stay with me, you can.  I'll protect you."

The little Nykter smiled.  "Thanks Manbeawpig." and, with that, he flew out of the sunlight, and was lost in the sea of retreating Nykter.

"Bye lil' guy." Manbearpig smiled.  "good luck."

Nov 16, 2010

Thank goodness I saved you

The group made their way to the Nykter cave exit, pushing back the adorable, yet clearly distraught swarm of Nykter.  By the thousands they came, yet made no progress past the shield of daylight that they had erected.

As the group pushed out of the exit, the swarm was pushed out first, creating a huge spill of about 700, while the rest remained inside.

Tribby, who had run to check on the animals, mounted Shibou.  "Shibou... CHAAARGE!" she yelled.

Raelin paused.  "Okay.  Maybe the ogre isn't all bad." he chuckled, firing a riccochetting lightning bolt over his shoulder into the cave, frying a few hundred of the Nykter's as an afterthought.

Shibou ran forward, smushing hundreds of Nykter's as she did so, all the while Tribby gave her directions.  "Left!  Now Right!  Try to splash the children with the remains of their parents!  Bwa ha ha ha!"

DM's Note:  Okay, no, she didn't say that.  But honestly... who purposefully tramples a bunch of unarmed, nonthreatening Moguai?

The group (minus Ash, who decided to jog beside it with his spiffy new boots) jumped on to the Duckephant, and, they were off.  The screaming and pleading tribe of Nykter followed them, kept at bay by the daylight stones, but, courageously not by the fear of certain death by trampling, lightning bolt, or worse.

Nov 15, 2010

The 20, the 30, the 40...

There came an echoing cacophony of skrees as thousands upon thousands of Nyktar's let out their cries of protest all at once and came running towards the party.

Ash lunged forward, and grabbed the Prism from the Shaman.  Raelin lunged forward too, but wasn't quite as fast.  "Blast." he thought to himself "THAT'S going to come up later..."

The Shaman yelled "No!  You can't take it!  You know not what you do!" and summoned a huge snake in an attempt to retrieve the Prism.

Ash scoffed at the huge snake and stabbed it in both of its lungs.  In a desperate, gasping strike, the snake took one scraping bite out of Ash's leg on the way down.  He grunted, but felt little pain.

Raelin laughed.  "Actually Fuzzball, I know exactly what we're doing.  It's been mentioned to me already that your lazy tribe has been using the prism to survive all these years.  In the words of my Father, get a job and a haircut you bunch of hippies!" and with that, he launched a scorching ray at the druid, incinerating him instantly.

Jay El looked behind him, and saw the collection of two foot tall fuzzy creatures swarming towards them.  "Uh... we better get outta here guys!" he yelled, "cover your ears, I'm going to try something!" 

Manbearpig looked at his companions, and down at the terrified little Nykter still clutching Manbearpig's hand.  He looked back at Jay El, who was about to cast a spell, likely a sound based one.  He was loyal to his friend, but... this was wrong, and he knew it.  He looked back down at Bacca, who was crying, and grabbed him, shielded him with his body, and wrapped his arms around Bacca's ears, as well as his own.  "Hold on!" he whispered.

Jay El yelled his spell into the catacombs and created a huge, echoing burst of sound to erupt within the cave, driving the creatures back in pain.  Due to the echoing cavern, the spell bounced around and hit everyone multiple times, including Jay El and the party; though Manbearpig's charge, Bacca, took only a small amount of damage, due to Manbearpig's selfless shielding.

Something that Jay El didn't plan, but effectively tripled the effect of the spell, was that the sound traveled through the whisper spell Tribby had cast earlier -- effectively doubling the spell's effective range (and giving Tribby, and the Nykter in her general area quite the surprise)

The combination of the Nykter's sensitive ears, the range, the echoing cavern, the double-up from the whisper spell, and the fact that the Nykter's were about as deadly as a rabbit made this very, very effective.

The group of Nykters fell to the ground crying, and still more came, protesting and pleading with the heroes not to cause their extinction.

"Boys!  Whip out your stones!" Med yelled, referring to the sunstones.  The boys did so, causing painful shrieks from the already deafened Nykter.  Bacca let out a terrified cry, and huddled closer into Manbearpig's chest, who used his cloak to shield him.

Seeing no way to stop what was clearly turning into another Lawful Good Genocidal Cluster-Fuck, Manbearpig opted to get the hell out of there, and to do his best to at least save Bacca, who he felt responsible for.

Putting his hand in front of him, and creating a magical gust of wind, Manbearpig ran forward, his left hand outstretched in front of him casting the spell, his other clutching Bacca to his ribs.

Raelin knelt down and grabbed the remains of the Shaman.  A druid of that caliber might have some loot worth sorting through later.

Nov 14, 2010

Mind Control Amendment

"And I wike catching gophers"
"uh huh"
"cause dey're fuzzy"
"but I don't eats dem like some do bekuz I only eats carrots and sumtimes bugs"
"because dey're weally fun to eat because dey wiggle and hewe we awe!" Bacca segued the way only a 4 year old can; pulling Manbearpig into the Shaman's minicave by the hand.

"Hey Mon!" came the relaxed greeting from the Nykterian Shaman.

"Hi." Said Manbearpig, noting the familiar Druidic garments of the Shaman.

Raelin stepped forward, rolling his eyes.  "Yes, this is all delightful.  Where is the prism of power?"

The Shaman looked Raelin up and down.  "The whatnow Mon?"

Raelin narrowed his eyes.  "Don't lie to me you fuzzy little..."

Ash took a step forward and gestured menacingly.  "Give us the prism."

"I don' be 'tinkin' we be givin' you anyting close to da prism boys.  Fo' statahs, dis 'ere elf knows full well dat the prism be belongin' to us for right and right."

"Elves?  What elves?" Raelin attempted.

The Shaman chuckled "We may be dumb, but we ain't stoopid mon.  You be wearin' all kindsa 'tings elven, startin' wit' yo' ears."

Raelin fidgeted.  The Bat would have to die, now.  "What does the Prism do for you, that some form of trade could not?"

The Shaman laughed "You trus' ol' Shaman boy, it be in yo' best int'rest as much as it is ours dat it be stayin' here"

Raelin seethed "That Prism is the property of the Elven people, and you will return it to us or suffer the consequences."

"Ho ho!  You gots dis ahl backwards Mon - you take da Prism, and we all be facin' da consiquences.  You'd destroy ahl da Nyktar people bad for bad, den you gets into ahl kinda trouble bye and bye."

"Are you threatening me?" Raelin stepped forward.

Jay El, seeing where all this was going, stepped past Raelin and towards the Shaman with a phrase of his own, backed with the magic of mind control "Go get the prism of power and give it to us."

The Shaman squinted, but was unable to resist, and got up to go get the prism, but yelled as he did so "Thieves!  They be takin' the prism!"

"...aaand don't talk.  Noted for next time." Jay El sighed and shrugged "live 'n learn"

Nov 13, 2010

Maybe their giant, adorable eyes shoot lasers?

The group followed Raelin into the darkness of the Nykter caves, ready for anything - be it trap, armed guards, or some kind of insidious spell or an ambush.  Eventually, the caves were simply too small for Tribby to follow, so she cast whisper, a mystical walkie-talkie spell, which would allow her to hear and speak to the party despite the distance.

They could all feel the Nykter eyes all around them... waiting, watching...

One ran up to the group.  "Hi!" it said.

Manbearpig smiled.  "Hi there."

"Whatcha doin?"

"Oh... we're looking for the Shaman, actually."

"Oh!" the little Nykter smiled, and grabbed Manbearpig's hand.  "I know the way, fowow me!"

The group looked at each other and shrugged.  Thus far, criminal masterminds, they weren't.

"What's your name?"

"Oh, uh... Manbearpig..."

"Hehe, that's a funny name.  I'm Baco, I'm four!"

"That's great Baco.  So, how far is the Shaman?"

"Oh, not far.  I know the way, 'cause I'm four!"



Nov 12, 2010

Pop pop squirt squirt

Raelin looked behind him and made sure there were no witnesses, and shoved the lil' squirt underneath Shibou's hoof, squishing him instantly, and giving Shibou quite the fright.  Next, he took a bit of rope and sliced it and wrapped it around a nearby tree, to make it seem as though the squirt had escaped, yet met an unfortunate end.

He looked at the accusatory eyes of Shibou, and, feeling that he should say something, commented "I'm not really sorry." 

Feeling that he'd fulfilled the need for a witty remark, he went back to the gathering of heroes.  

"Alright then.  Let's make this brief." he quipped, entering the caves.

Nov 11, 2010

Lawful Good Genocide III

"Hewow!" said the tiny 'guard' of the Nykter cave entrance.  "Can I hewp you?"

Raelin looked down at the little fellow.  "Hi there.  We'd like to trade.  Do you have any magical artifacts?"

"Ummm..." said the living embodiment of adorable, "I have sum dwied bewwies you can have if yowr hungwie."

Raelin smiled.  "Thank you, no."  With that, he gestured to Tribby.  "He's clearly lying, grab him!"

The precious little Nykterian attempted to run, but Tribby was too fast for the lil' feller, and grabbed him tightly around the neck, while Jay El cast a sphere of silence just past him, so as to make his cries go unheard.

"Who would know where it was, then?" Raelin seethed into the fuzzball of cuteness.

"(gasp) m...maybe our Shaman m...might know?" The small creature was clearly terrified.

"My friend here could crush you into Nykter jam..." Raelin seethed at the creature.  "Do you want to know how much she enjoys Nykter jam...?"

Tribby smiled  "Tribby probably like that a lot."  Inside Tribby, a small, neutral-good half-elf piece of her withered and died.

The small guard began to cry.

"Feh, he's useless." Raelin scoffed.  "I'll take him back with the animals and tie him up, so he doesn't give away our position."

The group agreed.

Nov 10, 2010

Lawful Good Plans

The group set out to the tribe of Nykter, and Raelin crafted a tale which would help the party do what needed to be done.

"And, in conclusion, these guys stole something which rightfully belongs to the Elven empire, and, we are getting it back.  The terms of our agreement are as such that this is not part of the plunder agreement.  Is that clear?"

Jay El sighed "yes, but, we are ALSO on a mission to save the world, and are ALSO looking for a specific piece of an ancient magic machine which is important to save the ENTIRE WORLD - and WE will be taking THAT item without splitting it with YOU, as well."

(and so it went on and on, thankfully, it was a fairly lengthly trip)

Med, on the other hand, had more practical concerns.  "Are they violent?"

Raelin smiled.  The question would become fairly silly once the group met the Nykter.  A more adorable creature one could hardly imagine.  "No, they may be a might mischievous at times, but, we shouldn't encounter any resistance.  The poor misguided fools simply took this the way an infant might attempt shoplifting - they simply don't know any better.  I doubt there was any malice to it."

The plan which Med and Raelin agreed upon was simple:  Leave the animals (not including Tribby) about 90 feet away from the entrance, and go under the ruse of trading, and simply trade for the item, or, failing that, simply take it and leave.

The universe laughed at Med and Raelin, who felt the plan couldn't possibly go wrong.  Clearly, they had much to learn about the good intentions of this particular group.

Nov 9, 2010

You've got a little something there, in your teeth...

The party wrapped up their Elven affairs, met for a quick pint, discussed the logistics of their travel (negotiating a retainer based upon loot found) and, set out.

"PFFFFFFRRUUOOOOOOQUACK!" The duckephant trumpequacked in greetings, scaring the bejeezus out of Med.

"Holy Pelor's eyelashes, what the heck is that thing!?" She screeched, agog.

"That," Raelin sighed, "is one of the beasts of burden our group seems to have acquired the services of..."  He arched an eyebrow at Tribby, "as near as I can tell, its the second smelliest, and, is some horrid combination of an Elephant... and a duck."

"It a duckephant." Tribby smiled, bits of duckephant poop spitting when she spoke, "Her name Shibou."

Med screeched again, "Pelor's nuts*, you plan on travelling with an Ogre!?"

"TRIBBY A HALF ELF!" Tribby whined, dropping her fecal snack in anger.

"As you can see, this particular one is smarter than the average Ogre, and, seems to be of the opinion that its a half-elf." Raelin chuckled.  "I think she's harmless... As long as we're down-wind, anyway."

Med frowned.  This group was looking like less and less of a Pelorian blessing.  Still, the Lord did tend to work in mysterious ways.

"Hello Tribby." Med attempted a smile.

*it should be noted that Pelor collected Almonds in one of his fables.

Nov 8, 2010


Eventually, Raelin and Med took their eyes off each other long enough so as to acknowledge the rest of the party.

"Who are your friends?"

Raelin laughed, "hardly the word I would use, but, these are some folks who would be helping to facilitate our journey.  We plan on travelling to the West on a secret mission, and, as I mentioned, shortly thereafter, to the Dwarves of the North.  This fellow here is Ash."

Ash, hearing his name and noting being pointed at, tipped his non-existent hat at the beautiful woman.  It had been a long time since he'd seen such a specimen.  Humans seemed to be something of an endangered species as of late - attractive ones, even more so.

"And this is Jay El" he continued.

Jay El dampened down his body's desires for the woman and smiled politely.  He would be faithful to his wife until the end of existence.  But man... whatta rack.

"And..." Raelin finished, switching to common, "I actually have no idea what the druid's name is.  He doesn't talk much."

"It's Manbearpig." Manbearpig said.

The two Elven citizens exchanged a knowing glance.  "How nice for you." Raelin smiled.

Nov 7, 2010

Sexual Tension

"Hello." said Raelin, as the breathtaking shopkeeper opened her doors.  He'd always had a thing for Pelor nuns - likely due to their unavailability.  "I know the hour is late, and I've seen the signs of closure, but, we had hoped to get some supplies before you did so."

Med smiled.  The Elf seemed kind, and his signet ring indicated he was an advisor to the King.  "Of course.  I feel I should tell you that the shop has been sold, and you are to be my last customers before I leave this town forever."

"Forever, you say?  What would cause such a decision to be made?"

Med smiled, "I am going to be going on a mission." she answered, purposefully vaguely.

"Ah.  I am on one of those myself.  We will be travelling West, if you desire any company."

Med blinked at the proposal.  She hadn't decided on an exact destination, though she'd thought perhaps to the Dwarves for their herbal guidance.

"We'll be taking a somewhat leisurely trip to the Dwarves" Raelin added.

"I... well, that would be actually... great!" Med blushed, quite taken with the sudden turn of events.  Pelor really did provide for those who took action!

Nov 6, 2010

Introducing Med!

"Well," Med sighed, "I guess that's it, then."

Med had spent the last few weeks putting her affairs in order, and, at last, everything was packed up.  She'd sold her medical shop, and, most importantly, steeled her nerves for the journey that was sure to follow.

Med had spent the last 10 years being a priestess of Pelor, and running the medical shop within the Elven city - often pro bono, in an effort to both research her condition, and to pay the world back for her unintentional sins.

Sometimes, she still had the dreams...  she shook her head.  Now wasn't the time for sorrow, nor for regret, but rather, for action!  Too long, had she spent her days moping about, hoping that her God would simply put a solution in front of her.

She knew as well as anyone, that Pelor helped those who helped themselves, and, by golly, she was going to do just that.  She'd save her family, she'd save her own soul.

There was a knock at the door.  She instinctively started making the "we're closed" motions with her hands, but, something stopped her.

Perhaps it was intuition, perhaps it was Pelor's guidance.  Whatever the reason, she decided to entertain one last group of guests within her shop.

It was hard for her, to give up this part of her life.  Partly because it had been so huge a challenge for a human to gain citizenship, let alone thrive in an elven city.  And, partly because she loved it so.

Like someone going on a diet, she decided that, just one last time, and opened the door.

Nov 5, 2010

Time to Shop!

The Zelda tune of "DUH NUH NUUH NAAAAAAH!" all but techno-remixed outside of the magic shop as item after item was acquired.

The actual buying process was somewhat awkward - as the Elves charged 30% extra if people used hard currency such as gold, and greatly seemed to prefer "Noble" a crystalline credit-transferring card, which most citizens carried.

The end result, was the group giving all their money to Raelin, him depositing it into his bank, and then buying the items for the party en-mass.  He also helped negotiate the otherwise horridly gouging prices.

AshMithral Plate Mail
Boots of springing & Jumping
Gauntlets of Ogre Strength +2
+1 enhancement for spear

 10 x rubies      $10,000
 10 x amethyst  $1000
 10 x topaz       $5000
  5 x sapphire   $5000
  5 x emerald   $5000
 Quaal's feather token, anchor
 Universal solvent
 black dust.  (10 sprinkles, reforms destroyed black onyx gem).
 Quaal's feather token, swan boat
 Dust of dryness
Jay El
Mithral Plate Mail
Parift of Wisdom +2

(Gauntlets of Ogre Strength +2)
(Cloak of charisma +2)

+1 Returning Dagger
+1 Shield of blinding

(Gloves of arrow catching)
Manbearpig+2 composite shortbow

They also gave Raelin the scrolls

Scrolls (arcane)
acid splash 12 gp 5 sp
3 know direction 12 gp 5 sp
mage hand 12 gp 5 sp
animate rope 25 gp
comprehend languages 25 gp

DM NOTE: The group failed to remember a few of their items in their inventory that they'd picked up at various times, so I feel obligated to mention that there is the search function on the right of this page entitled "loot" which you could use to quickly summarize your gear (ie magic quivers, +1 hide armor, etc)