Apr 5, 2012

Nice acid splash

Chael sighed as her hero toppled to the ground, twitching as his spinal column was severed by yet another arrow.

"Not too durable of a hero..." she mumbled to herself, hiding behind his corpse and dissolving one of his attackers with another acid spell.

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....oh and, don't judge me.  I looked up "acid splash" in google and that was the image that popped up.

...I will assume that the billion dollar servers at google know what they're doing.

Apr 3, 2012

Brotherly Screaming

Adrastea perked her ears into the wind, halting her progress through the forest.  Had that blood curdling scream... no.  It couldn't be...


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Apr 2, 2012

What'd he do to you?

Remzik moved his way along the wall and shot another guard, only wounding him.

"Hey!" the guard yelled, shooting back.  "What gives!?"

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Apr 1, 2012

Emasculating Acid

8 looked around at his holy battle and frowned.  Tyr HAD mentioned something about him being blessed and righteous... had he not?  Something about being empowered with something-something-god-stuff?

Another arrow shot him in the liver.

Sonovabitch, that was starting to really hurt!  He hit the lock again.  How was he supposed to save the day when he could be defeated by a padlock?  Was he missing something?  Was he supposed to be praying or something?

The slave girl, who seemed to be judging him hit the lock with some kind of acid, and it popped open.

"I totally loosened that for you." he muttered to himself quietly "YOU'RE FREE!" he bellowed, "FOLLOW ME, TO SAFETY!" the slaves all looked at him as he spun around triumphantly and moved his way back to the wall he'd so recently vaulted, and shrugged to one another.

The girl with the acid decided to go for it.
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Mar 30, 2012

It happens to every paladin, its very common. No big deal...

8 looked sheepishly at the slaves, and down at the stationary lock.  "Hold on, I can totally do this." he smiled, readying his mighty... apparently blessed and indestructible righteous hammer... and smashed it with all of his might down upon the lock.


The slaves smiled patronizingly.  The lock laughed silently.  The guards shot him.

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Mar 29, 2012


Chael squinted through the slave pen's bars at the loud newcomer and sighed, doubtful at the likelihood of his success.

"Not another n00b..." she sighed.

"Don't worry slaves!  I shall free you!" The shiny Paladin bellowed intimidatingly, as he rushed towards her prison's door and swung his mighty warhammer at the lock... and missed.

"Oy." she sighed.

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Mar 28, 2012

Behold! I am Decoy, Paladin of Tyr!

Coating his arrow in drow poison, Remzik fired at the guard nearest the alarm bell, and hit him directly in the throat.  As the guard plummeted towards the ground with a thud, Remzik swore he heard him gurgle that the poison had been unnecessary.

Remzik stealthily pranced (in a manly way, of course) up to the enemy encampment's walls, and both slinked and slunked his way towards the guards, firing again and skewering another whilst they were distracted by the idiot at the front door, who seemed to be doing quite a good job of both attracting, and keeping the collective attention of the guards.

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Mar 27, 2012

Save your Skyrim jokes.

8, the mighty (if new) paladin of Tyr marched his way towards the enemy encampment, bellowing in a rather intimidating way towards the nearby soldiers.

"BEHOLD!" he finished up his bellowing "I AM MIGHTY!"

The tower guards, surprisingly, were cowed and terrified.

8 vaulted the walls and noticed the guards of the encampment.  "Hm." he muttered to himself.  There were a bit more of them than he'd anticipated.

"Its a good thing I'm invincible" he muttered to himself, right before an arrow shot him in the crotch.

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Mar 24, 2012

D'uh, stay outta riverdale

It was nightfall, and Remzik had just closed in upon his prey.

"Confederate bastards."He cursed under his breath as he studied their encampment.  "I'll kill you for what you've done!"

Remzik wasn't usually the "I'll burn you alive" type, but, they had murdered his entire family... so... well, anyway, he set about his plan of attack, drawing it out in intricate detail.  It was a master plan of stealth and trickery.  The encampment, though showing signs that it would one day be quite formidable, was still heavily under construction.  While there were high ramparts, the walls themselves were about 4' high.  It also looked like they were under-manned...

They'd never know what had hit them, and he, he would finally have his vengeance.  All he need do now, was...

"HEEEEY YOOOU GUUUUYS!" Yelled a shiny Paladin on the opposite side of the encampment.

Remzik sighed and facepalmed himself.  "I guess that'd work, too."

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Mar 11, 2012

D&D Character Background: Adrastea

Adrastea Half Elf Ranger

Adrastea (name meaning: she who does not flee, the inescapable one) hails from the mountains, where she grew up with her human mother Shela, and twin brother Aetsarda in a small alpine village called Skrag. Her elven father left on a hunt one day when she was 7 years old, never to return. As a half-elf, she never felt truly accepted by her human community, and over time suspected her father must have felt the same before he disappeared. She longed to find her father, and explore the wilderness as a huntress, mastering the art of archery. Instead, she was expected to help her family with their small root vegetable farm. She was envious of her older cousin Brennar, who was training as a hunter, and Adrastea didn't understand why a woman couldn't learn these skills in her village.

By the time she was 17, she'd had enough of root vegetables and would sneak away whenever she could to follow hunters into the woods, moving quietly at a distance and watching their every move, wishing she could be running with them. She would try to convinced her brother to join her from time to time and break free of the boring life of farming, but Aetsarda was too occupied with finding the next skirt to lift around town.

Of course, one day she was discovered by her cousin, but she managed to bribe him to teach her how to use his bow and arrow in exchange for washing and mending his hunting gear. He was simple like that.

It didn't take long for Adrastea to become very proficient in archery. She had a talent for precise and deadly shots. The years of farm work had given her high endurance and attention to detail. She further convinced Brennar to train her with a blade for self defence. At this point he didn't need much convincing, as he recognized Adrastea's talent.. but was perhaps becoming a little jealous.

Adrastea's mother, Shela, found out that Brennar was training Adrastea after following her daughter one afternoon when she finally saw her leaving the farm after weeks of being unable to locate her (Adrastea was very stealthy.) Shela cornered Brennar later that day and threatened to spread rumours that him and Adrastea were having an incestuous love affair, if he did not frighten Adrastea into stopping her training and force her to return to working for her mother. Brennar was weak-willed and did as he was told.

Adrastea's last day in Skrag was unpleasant to say the least. She snuck away as usual near the end of her shift at the farm to go out for her first real hunt with Brennar. She had a small pack with basic survival items, a blade, and the long bow she'd made herself with a small quiver of arrows. Brennar lead her deep into the woods and made his move. What began as an arguement with Brennar trying to tell Adrastea what her mother had told him lead to Brennar doing what he knew best - physical force. Adrastea's instincts kicked in and before she knew it she'd stabbed Brennar in the stomach while he was attempting to pin her to the ground. He rolled over and died slowly as she watched in terror. She could never return home. Just as her father did years ago, she went out into the wilderness, never to see Skrag again. She saw it as an opportunity, but she had a long path ahead of her. She stripped Brennar of his belongings, covered him with some dead brush and hoped the wolves would find him soon.

This was the beginning of her life as a ranger and adventurer. By now she had just turned 21 years old, and had managed to train in secret for about 3 years.

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D&D Character Background: Remzik

Remzik, Human Rogue

Remzik was raised on a farm on the outskirts of the city of Kludgin. His mother created salves, poultices and potions learned from old family recipes and his father would tend to the farm and sell their goods in the city. Remzik quickly grew bored of the quiet farm lifestyle and yearned for the excitement of city life. He would often join his father on his trips to the city, but eventually he convinced his father to let him sell the goods in his stead. On his own, Remzik found he was able to easily turn a higher profit without his modest father by his side. His parents were pleased with the increased revenue but they expressed concern that he was increasing profit with dubious business practices. From then on, rather than report the increased earnings, he decided to have some fun exploring the city and consider it his cut.

Over time, the fame of the herbalist family grew along with Remzik’s familiarity of the bars and slums of the city. Eventually this fame drew some unwelcome business. Remzik returned home one evening to find his parents in uncomfortable negotiations with slavers. They were demanding that the herbalists provide paralysis and sleeping poisons at a criminal discount and stormed out when Remzik arrived. His parents had refused to provide anything that could be used to harm or enslave people but had “donated” a large portion of their goods. They were given an ultimatum that they could either provide these supplies in exchange for protection or provide them as slaves.

Remzik was furious, and used his new connections in the city to find protection for his family. Using his secret profits selflessly this time Remzik hired a few mercenaries to protect the farm. Remzik continued to sell goods to pay for the mercenaries, but one evening as he was returning home he saw a plume of smoke and a hellish glow emanating from the direction of the farm. To his horror his worst fears were confirmed: The farm had been incinerated with his parents inside.

Stricken with grief but thirsty for vengeance, Remzik sought shelter in the city and began to put the pieces back together. The mercenaries had been paid off by the slavers and had left his parents defenceless. The mercenaries had fled and covered their tracks, but he was able to track down and catch up with the slavers. As he was observing their camp and planning his attack, a fearless (or foolish) young Paladin charged the camp single-handed. Knowing he would never have a better opportunity, Remzik joined the stranger to fight against the slavers.

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D&D Character Background: Chayle Brisumaar

Chayle Brisumaar, Half Elf Wizard

Chayle Brisumaar is the child of an elvin mother and a human father.
The union shunned by both races small minded villages, they let and made their own house in the woods and lived there.
 They were very in love, and wouldn't let anyone tear
them apart.

Occassionally Chayle's mother would go to town for goods or to visit their rich uncle Jacombs and would bring Chayle along.  But she would make her wear a cap to cover her ears so her heritage wasn't so obvious.  She was never as stunning as a full
blood elf, and so fit in quite well with the humans.

Her uncle knew of her heritage though, and only would suffer her visits because
they were blood and she was one of his last known
relatives.  He was a great Wizard too.
The family grew most of our their food, had a few sheep, hunted birds, rabbits, etc.  Her mother was an experienced hunter and archer, and it frustrated her to no end that even with her elvin blood, she could barely even hold a bow properly, let alone take down anything larger than a rabbit.  But yet, she loved her unconditionally.

During one visit to the Uncle he noticed that a Raven was constantly following her.  His suspicions were confirmed the next visit when he saw the raven was still there.

Staying just out of sight and reach of Chayle.  He called to it and when it perched on his shoulder he spoke to it in whispered tones.  She thought Uncle was just being silly and playing around, because
of course animals don't talk.  But whatever conversation he had with the Raven upset
him visibly.  He became irate, and agitated and sent her away.
For the first time ever a few days later, he turned up at the modest cabin in the woods asking to speak with

This is when he told her that she was a natural born Wizard and much to his chagrin, he will teach her the ways so she wouldn't become a dark or dangerous Wizard.  It was the responsible thing to do.  Only he could prevent magical forest fires.  He brought her a tome that he said was his late wife's, who
was also a Wizard.  Because of the family blood ties, he felt a duty (not wanted to) to pass it down to her
and to keep it a secret from her parents.

Slowly during the brief visits, she learned cantrips, focus, some basic scroll making, etc.  During one
special visit he introduced her to her familiar, the Raven that would always follow her wherever she went.
It told her in Elvin that its name was Gygax.  They were unseperable from that day on and Gygax became her only true friend and confidant.

This training went on for several years. She learned quickly, but the opportunity to do so was very inconsistant which stunted her magical growth.

One night slaver and labourer caravan was slowly wending its way secretly through the woods to bypass
the town to avoid detection.  The cabin happened to be in their path.  Seeing an opportunity to cause pain on someone, and possibly profit if there were anything worthwhile in the household.  A small group of them
split off from the main crowd to investigate the abode.  Unfortunately for her father, that night of all nights
he had decided to stay up and finish some tanning work he had started.  He was always a hard worker and hated to leave something incomplete.  Hearing some unusual russling outside of the cabin he grabbed his bow and went to investigate.

Hearing the sound just outside the door, he burst out the entryway to get the jump on whatever may have been there, whether game or foe, only to come face to face with a group of ________.  One of them swiftly dispatched him with a sweep of its dagger across his neck.  Chayles father
died without being able to utter a single warning or goodbye to his family.

The sound of the door opening though is what woke her mother.  She listened quietly for a moment and heard unfamiliar and multiple footsteps entering the house.  She quietly slipped out of bed and knocked an arrow in her bow.  The moment the intruders entered the room, she was able to loose 2, killing 2 of the intruders instantly before they were able to subdue her.  Chayle heard none of this and
the only sign that anything was amiss was when hands suddenly restrained she and she became tied, and gagged and carried away by the putrid creatures.

They looted the house, then burned it, her father, and all of their memories that they made there down to the
ground.  Leaving it to burn as Chayle and her mother were forced to join the caravan.  The last thing she saw of the house was Gygax diving into the flames, and pulling her tome out of the house, dragging it along the ground out  with great difficulty as the house fell down around him.

Chayle quickly discovered her mother had also been captured and spared.  She watched as the ______ investigated her mother, looking her up and down like a piece of meat.

She couldn't understand what they were saying, but she understood the meaning.  An Elvin beauty such as her would fetch a good price.  Next the looked at Chayle, her ears and her plain face.  Not as impressed with her very much, they still found she passable and worth a pretty penny.  Both women were caged
apart from each other, but in line of sight.

Days passed, then weeks passed.  They became hungry, dirty, and weak.  They travelled, occassionally in cages when they couldn't walk anymore, or chained to others like them when they could walk.  She was used mostly as a labourer from day one, putting together widgets, hammering pieces of metal flat, and other various, exhausting and sometimes dangerous tasks.  Chayle became scratched, bruised, weathered, collected scars.  As well as an exteremly bitter person.

One day something changed.  They woke us up early, and took several of the women and made them all bathe carefully, dress in nice clothes, and dabbed with perfume.  Later that morning they were presented to a group of __________.  The leader got 1st pick of the women, and after investigating all of them, he had taken an interest in Chayles mother.  He paid for her, and began to take her away.  Chayle and her mother called and reached to each other and cried but the slavers kept Chayle still.  With sudden desperation
that only a mother being seperated from her child can muster up, she attacked the leader of the _____ tribe.  She scratched, bit and tore at him in a desperate bid to be free.  To her credit, she was able to tear off an ear, bit off part of his nose, gouged an eye and he lost more than one of his already rotten teeth.

To a certain extent this plan succeded.  The leader demanded his money back.  The girls thought she was safe.  The conversation that happened then between the slaver leader and the head of the tribe though had a dark outcome.  As restitution, he got a full refund, but still took Chayles mother for a short time.

When she saw her next, she was not the same woman.

Beaten, clothes torn, and moving as if there were no will left in her.  After that day they deemed her
ruined goods and because of her beauty was essentially "given" to the men of the caravan.  Over time the state of her mother worsened as they abused her severly.  Chayle was helpless without her spell book.  Occassionally she would see Gygax following the caravan from a safe distance holding sheets of paper in his claws, but he would never come close enough to talk.

Months passed and slowly she became more meek as every mistake she made, every sound she made, they would beat her.

No touch was a kind one.

She slowly began to hear single words of the captors discussions and recognize them. She also listened
closely when they visited other groups such as Trolls, giants, etc. and began piecing together the several
languages she was surrounded by.

Almost a year had passed, she had lost any track of where we were or had been ages ago.  Every day she worked hard, was beaten, saw horrors done to her mother, and her only joy was gleaning what she could of these various languages.

One fateful day her mother gave up.  They had beat her too soundly, and were too rough with her this once, and she died.  They threw her body beside the caravan as it continued to travel along. No one looking back at her as if she was simply refuse.  The loss and insult enraged Chayle and she attacked the closest captor.  Only to take a dagger to the face and be quickly subdued.  Now the only reminder of her mother is an ugly scar from the edge of her eyebrow down to below her ear.  What remained of her will was broken that day.

Another year passed, and then one night as it neared the third year the camp was suddenly thrown into
confusion, they had sounded the alarm. Chayle woke to find what seemed to be 2 people storming the

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D&D Character Background: Aetsarda (8, for short)

Aetsarda (8 for short) Lawful Good Paladin.  Half Elf.

Half Elf PaladinThey say that the gods work in mysterious ways.  They also say that the life of a Paladin is not one that is chosen, so much as thrust upon an individual.

Truer words were never spoken for Aetsarda.

Aetsarda and his family were humble vegatble farmers in the small, mountain village of Skrag.

While his twin sister Adrastea would often regail him with tales of their older cousin and how exciting it must be for him to be out adventuring, and how amazing it must be to be allowed to do such things, Aetsarda would unenthusiastically nod his head and mutter some affirmative phrases as he watched his latest conquest-to-be walk by.

Aetsarda was a far simpler creature than his sister, and often found that all life's troubles could easily be pushed aside with a good woman, a soft bed, and a meat, chunk of.

Aetsarda's Mother, Shela, was often very strained in attempting to keep Adrastea's head out of the clouds, and Etsarda's head out of the skirts of the local girls.

The truth was, when Aetsarda's Father, Ehlorian dissapeared when Aetsarda was only 7, it left a huge hole in his heart, and took away his sense of certainty in the world.  He saw it as nothing short of a betrayal and knew that he himself would never allow that sort of loss in his life again.  He embraced the live-for-the-moment, hedonistic lifestyle that can often accompany a youth with little in the way of parental supervision and a chip upon his shoulder.

While sleeping with many, Aetsarda would never truly get close to any of his conquests, and, would often move on or dump any who sought to get too close to his heart.  Even his own Mother was pushed away - partly because Aetsarda subconciously blamed her for not being good enough to keep the love of his Father and driving him away.

The only person Aetsarda truly loved and would do anything for, was his Sister.

When she told him of her secret trainings with Brennar, he at first laughed and pushed it aside as another one of her lofty schemes.  But, as she continued to persue the matter, he began to pay closer attention to his twin.  She was changing.  Becoming stronger, more independant, and, very skilled.  She would often sneak up on him to scare him, then dart away laughing into the night.  Despite his best efforts, she would often escape unscathed.

At 21, she too, dissapeared from the village.  Aetsarda was... crushed.

When his Father had left, he had been too young to do anything about it.

This time was different.  He grabbed a few supplies, and left a simple note to his Mother.

"Gone looking for Adrastea.  - 8"

Aetsarda was not the adventurer his sister was, nor was he as adept at traversing the wild unscathed.  Many nights he went hungry, and more than a few times he met with misfortune, losing belongings, getting injured, and, eventually poisoned.

In his fever, Aetsarda stumbled through the forest and landed face down in a shallow pool of water.  As his conciousness left him, he remembered something his father had said to him.  Something about the depth of the water having little to do with drowning...

As Aetsarda lay there, drowning and dying of fever, a figure vaguely reminding him of his Father appeared before him.  "Hello, Son."


"Not exactly my boy" Tyr smiled.  "But there is a resemblance"


"I am the God of Justice.  Many call me Tyr."

Aetsarda paused and did his best to remember where he was, but failed "W..."

"You are dying, my boy.  Your body is wracked with fever, and, at the moment, you're trying to breathe water.  (It isn't working)"


"Yes, you are between worlds right now.  And, I have a question for you, if you have a moment."

Aetsarda smiled.  He did remind him of his father.  "Sure."

"If you like, you could die now.  Or, I could help you out, but, you'd have to help out some people for me."

"What kind of people?"

"Quite the negotiator!" Tyr laughed, clapping him on the etherial shoulder.  "But an excellent question.  Those in need of your help would be the short answer.  You would be my instrument of justice.  You would right wrongs, punish the wicked, and, most importantly, save the innocent from harm.  Your life is already forfit, and, you would treat it as such - sacrificing yourself if necessary for the greater good."

8 chuckled to himself, "I think you should talk to my sister, not me."

Tyr smiled.  "I knew I liked you.  Only those worthy of carrying the Paladin's crest refuse or, even better, nominate others in their place, even knowing that it would mean their own death."

Aetsarda paused, and looked back at Tyr. "I see.  Well, you'd know better than me."

Tyr laughed "that I would boy, that I would!"  He held out his hand.  "Take my hand boy, and rise.  There are some people who need your help."

Aetsarda paused, looked into himself, looked up at at Tyr and grasped his hand firmly.  "Let's do it."


Aetsarda awoke with a start.  His outstretching hand had rolled him out of the water, and he caughed violently.  His fever appeared to be gone.  Had it all been a dream?  Cries of help broke his inner monologue sharply, and he cocked his head in the direction of the cries.  Dream or not, he'd made a promise.

Rescue Renee's character from slave camp -- What race and quantity would the slavers be?  [this will be roleplayed]

The bodies of the fallen strewn about, 8 looked down at his trembling, blood soaked hands and vomited.  He'd hunted game in the wild, sure, but... the murder, even in self defense, of creatures such as himself was...

8 Stiffened as his faith flooded through him.  Necessary.  Their deaths had been necessary to save the innocent.  The guilty were given justice, the innocent were saved.  This was his mission, his destiny.

Strengthened by his faith, 8 began looting the corpses of the fallen, acquiring a few knick knacks and items (see inventory) and a very nice set of armor which would need a few adjustments but would fit him nicely.

And then, he saw the shiny warhammer on the ground.  It looked... somehow familiar to him.  When he grasped it, it just felt... right.  8 Smiled, snapping the hammer onto his back and made his way to town.

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Okay. NOW a new game begins.

So, we did have a new game.  But it was...  well, it was...


It was Twilight.

Did you ever watch a bad movie on purpose so you could make fun of it?  Sure, we all have.  But, did you ever watch a movie that was so bad that making fun of it didn't take away the pain of watching it?

For me, that was Twilight.  It was so horrifyingly awful, that even making fun of it didn't help.  Even rifftrax didn't help.  Maybe if there'd still been a robot roll call...

Anyway, so, we're starting a new game, with...  less Twilight comparisons tonight!


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Jan 14, 2012

New Game, Starting soon!

When last we left off, our heroes were escaping out of an erupting volcano, snowboarding down the mountain on tower shields to safety, where a sea of undead stood between them, and the docks to which they fled.

We now go to a different group of adventurers, whose paths we are about to cross...

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