Jay El Soliloquy

Our heroes awakened in various stages of rest, as some had slept and meditated nicely - others had had somewhat of a restless night filled with the echoing screams of the innocents they'd slaughtered.


Jay El, in particular, was wrought with a special kind of guilt.  The kind that comes from acting with purpose whose ends justify nearly any means, regretting the actions nonetheless, and then having the purpose itself questioned to such a point that... well, Jay El was filled with self doubt, deity-doubt, and purpose-doubt.


In essence, he was doubtful that any of his actions were having his desired effect upon the world.


He glanced up at the sky, which was darkening, and noticed the ring of daylight stones they'd erected to keep out the screaming children, and shuddered.  What was he DOING?  What was going ON?  Who the hell WAS HE?


He looked over at Manbearpig, who seemed to be in some form of druidic trance - no doubt also questioning Jay El's actions, and wondering if he could be saved at all.


Jay El smiled to himself.  A truer friend, one could not ask for.


He frowned at himself, and got down on his knees.  He needed answers.


"Lydia," he began, closing his eyes and putting his hands in a motion of prayer, "Goddess of knowledge and freedom, I seek wisdom and call on you."  He paused, "Goddess of the nourishing sun who warms the back and feeds the soul of weary travelers: I have need of you."  He squinted his eyes tight, "Goddess of daylight and travel, who lights the path of those who dare walk the dark places, guide me!"

"Though it is my only wish to return home to my family, you have seen fit to take me from that place. You have put me on a path to prevent a great catastrophe, perhaps the very end of the world itself."

He gritted his teeth, "With this mystical compass you have led me and my companions to gather artifacts to prepare ourselves for the coming struggle. With only this first artifact in our possession, I begin to see the great power this assembled machine will wield."  Jay El paused and sought out a metaphor, "I feel its power flowing over and around me like the ocean. I fear this machine is a weapon, a weapon powerful enough to bring about the very destruction we aim to prevent."


Jay El paused, took a deep breath and continued, "But already in the name of this quest I have committed atrocities."  His voice cracked for a second, and then, after gathering himself, continued "So many have died or been brutalized by my hands and the hand of my party."  As Jay El finished his prayer, his voice began to reflect his anger and his doubt "Why must innocents bear such suffering so that we may gather such power!?"


Jay El rose to his feet, "I doubt this quest Lydia! And I doubt you! How am I to know we aren't truly the servants of evil and this specter of destruction is nothing more than a lie!?"

"Make your will known and I will be your grim servant. I will do all that needs to be done and, though it has never been my nature, I will wield this power so that no more need to suffer. I will save this world no matter the cost!  If this is truly your will, and our cause is just, show yourself!"