Jun 17, 2010

And now, a brief pause.

Due to technical difficulties (ie: Cancelled DND sessions) there will be a not-so-brief pause in our story.

Scheduled to resume: July 17, 2010


Jun 16, 2010

Shitanya Alotta Dumpalina the Third

The young half dragon gleefully sprinted home, eager to show her loved ones her newfound treasure.

This proved difficult, as they were all very dead.

Her Father had come.  Her childhood had ended.  She looked down at the beautiful gem in her hands and, for a second, thought to hurl the stone into the fire as if it were cursed and to blame for her misfortune.

She paused in mid-throw, and realised the opposite was true.  The stone, and her coincidental dream was what had saved her from her family's fate.

Alone, and afraid, she vowed that her life being saved this day would lead to great deeds.  She spat into the dirt below her.

Justice would be had.  Both for her, and the world.

She would remove a great many penises from a great many men.

Jun 15, 2010

Shitanya Alotta Dumpalina the Third

Shitanya came from a long line of Shitanyas.  There was Shitanya the smelly, Shitanya the oily, and finally, Shitanya the fecal.

Depending on who you ask, Shitanya's backstory was either a tale of woe or triumph, of mystery or of downright obvious conclusions.

It was almost as if her entire life story had been carefully crafted, and then abandoned for the sake of fun.

Regardless, there were times where Shitanya enjoyed remembering, or, perhaps just daydreaming, about her past.  In those pseudo memories, her Mother had given birth to two, half dragon babies.  Shitanya and her Brother, Ted.

The fact that they were half-dragon, didn't go over too well with their Father, who wasn't.  It seems that Shitanya II had an interesting liaison with a fellow of the Draconic persuasion, and had neglected to mention it.

Fearful for her babies' lives, Shitanya II fled and hid from her (presumably ex) husband and cared for them for 6 years.

And then, he found them.

It was dark, just before nightfall was at its blackest, when Shitanya III awoke from her strange dream.  There was a grove that she was familiar with, within the dream, as well as a symbol that she'd never seen before, of a white mass with a black mass within it.

Intrigued, and being a free spirit, Shitanya III jumped from her bed and went to the grove.

While there was no strange, glowing mass of either black nor white, there was, upon closer inspection, a small, pink gem.

Shitanya eye's lit up as her smile grew in wonder.  She'd never seen anything so pretty.  She picked it up and raced home, thinking to wake her family to show them what she'd found.

Jun 14, 2010



Alignment Bonuses
 JL 100 (self sacrifice/greater good)
 Shitanya 60 (concern for living creatures & modified battle plans)

Killing Stuff
  Kobolds 50
  Dogs 15
  Phantom Fungus 300

  JL 300 (Hippogriffs & Healing)
 Shitanya 300 (Bravery & Damage)
 Ash 300 (Damage & Leadership)

  Jay El 10 (probably should have been a bit more concerned for the fairies, but, still made the right calls where it mattered)
  Shitanya 35 (believable reactions & concern for innocents)
  Ash 25 (pragmatic & action-oriented)
  Manbearpig 5 (hung back for much of the session, except when Shitanya threw his face into the ground)

 Jay El 15 (delayed, but successful action)
 Shitanya 295 (quick action & strength)
 Ash 350 (quick thinking pants shuffle)
 Manbearpig 310 (creative gust of wind saves the day)

  JL 790
  Shitanya 1055
  Ash 1040
  Manbearpig 680

Jun 13, 2010

Ew, used caltrops. How tacky.

Jay El quickly gathered up the caltrops, and put them into his bags.  "Useful" he smiled.  Shitanya picked one out of her foot and gave it to Jay El to hold on to "keep 'em" she muttered, smashing through the second stone door.

The room opened up into a slightly wider room, and, Manbearpig summoned his best squinting.  "Nothing!" he announced, stepping on, and activating the pit trap below him.  "sheeoooooaaagh!" he screamed, as he jumped out of the way just in time.

It was a long... long... long way down.  "Well, at least I'm good at avoiding them." he thought to himself.

Shitanya sighed and smashed through the wooden door before them, and noted the spiral staircase downwards.

The group eyed the staircase before them and gulped.  Dungeons were scary.

Jun 12, 2010

I'm a big boy now

Shitanya was the first to respond, and quickly asked Ash "what should we do?" Ash replied by pants-around-ankles-shuffling towards the former entrance, in possibly one of the more creative, humerous, and effective methods invented for clearing caltrops.

Jay El and Manbearpig began coughing and wheezing.  Manbearpig in particular began feeling the effects nearly immediately.  

Shitanya followed Ash, able to run past him incurring only minor damage to her armored feet.  She smashed her huge, dragon talons against the stone, and even bit into the stone with her powerful jaws.  Ash launched himself at the wall with his spear, and Shitanya continued to claw and chomp at the wall.

Manbearpig, on the brink of losing conciousness, summoned a powerful wind, which pushed the gas past the group long enough for a quick breath of revitalizing fresh air.

This cleared Jay El's mind enough for him to hurl his mace into the wall, cracking it, and allowing the gas to dissipate, and the group to make their way out into the open once more, coughing and wheezed, but otherwise unharmed.

Jun 11, 2010

I thought you said search for tarps!

Within this Kobold dungeon, was a long, 10' wide corridor.  

The party hesitantly decided on their marching order, and, electing that Ash should go first, but that Manbearpig should walk alongside him, to look for traps.

Manbearpig knew this was his moment.  Why he had seen what he had seen; why he had practiced that which he had practiced.  To some, his inaction may have seemed lazy, or indecisive.  But he knew.  He'd been practicing squinting for a moment just like this.

Where squinting could be more powerful than any sword.  More helpful than any healing spell.

He squinted into the dungeon.  "No." he said at last.  "No traps here."

Ash sighed a sigh of relief and began walking, activating a pressure plate which immidiately had two large stone doors fall down at either end of the hallway.  "Oh, ummm... there's one trap." Manbearpig lamented.

Caltrops suddenly spewed fourth from the walls, bouncing harmlessly off the party, but seriously littering the floor with obstructions.  "Er... two, kind of." he continued, as poison gas began spraying out from the holes in the walls.  "Three tops." he said.

It seemed his squinting would need more practice.

Jun 10, 2010

Waving One's Stick at a Moist Innuendo

In the morning, the party was ready.  Shitanya heaved her makeshift doorstops out of the way, and they made their way down a randomly selected hole.

It was a wide, moist hole, which looked as though it had been used regularily by many of the locals.

At the end, was a small obstruction which seemed intended to simply block one's view of what lay beyond said hole.

Ash waved a stick at it for a bit, the party debated, and, eventually, Shitanya walked around, saw a door, and smashed it.

Jun 9, 2010


The party annihalated the remains of the Kobold defenses via poking, freeze breath-ing, supportitive healing, mace bashing, and stern grass chewing.

The party then debated on the ins and outs of attacking the Kobold stronghold, and, eventually decided on "covering up their holes with broken pieces of tower and resting, and then attacking in the morning"

Manbearpig stared sternly at the holes (he was, in fact, becoming quite adept at sternly staring) while Jay El searched the village for random odds 'n sods.

Scrolls (arcane)
acid splash 12 gp 5 sp
3 know direction 12 gp 5 sp
mage hand 12 gp 5 sp
animate rope 25 gp
comprehend languages 25 gp

+A pretty neat quiver and 342g 220s 745c

Jun 8, 2010

I hope he's not gettin' too old for this !@#$

The recently-brought-into-existence Hippogriff blinked.  What was it doing here, anyway?  How had it come into being?  It smiled, life on this plane of existence was beautiful.  The colors, the smells.  It could see becoming an artist... perhaps even a poet, for it had so much to say to this beautiful world, in thanks for its mere existence.

It mattered not whence it had came, simply that it was here, now, with a brave, new future in front of it.  Who knew what it could accomplish with practice?

A huge ballista bold pierced its neck and it dropped like a stone.

As it fell, it refused to close its eyes.  Wanting to take every last second of existance with it back, from wherever it was it had been before this amazing adventure.  It had been everything life was supposed to be - lived.

Its skull cracked on the ground, and the Hippogriff, who hadn't quite gotten around to naming itself, vanished once more.

Ash and Shitanya made it to the tower, only to dive out of the way just in time before its operators dumped a cauldron of boiling oil down upon them.  Ash, seizing his opportunity to poke something, darted up the ladder, while Shitanya swore at them from below.

Manbearpig chewed upon a piece of grass with an intensity usually reserved for intense things.

Jay El, somewhat less mobile than the half dragon barbarian and flea-jumping dragoon, huffed and puffed in his plate mail as he attempted to catch up.  "huf huf huff, wuh... wait!  You... you need more healing!" he panted, dodging the occasional arrow as he did so.

Jun 7, 2010

The String Mittens of Healing

Jay El ordered his Hippogriff to attack the nearest tower operator, the ballista itself being unable to shoot up in the air, was quickly dispatched by the flying creature - as the other towers did their best to shoot at it, and missed horribly.

Shitanya, not sure how to take the Pig-of-man's recent outburst, decided that now was the time for action, and that apologies would simply have to wait.  Besides, he was clearly emotional.  "sssssssshhhhHHHIIIIT!" she screamed, and ran off towards the towers in a rage.  

Her cry startled one of the Kobold operators, who'd been loading some explosives into his makeshift catapult, and caused him to rather spectacularly blow himself, and his partner to smithereens.

Shitanya paused and wondered if she now posessed the ability to light things on fire with her mind, and focused intently on her third grade english teacher.  Nothing happened.  Perhaps line of sight was required.  A huge ballista bold thudded into her chest.  Further experiments would have to wait.

(She continued her run towards the tower)

Ash sighed.  "I'd better go back her up..."

Jay El ran off after Ash like a worried mother with a pair of mittens.  "You're going to need healing!" he whined.

Manbearpig noted that the leaves beside him were slightly asymmetrical and adjusted them accordingly.  "Better." he thought to himself.

Jun 6, 2010


Manbearpig surveyed the situation.  The crowd of Kobolds were retreating back into their clown-car-like tents.

The time to act was soon.

Not yet.

He squinted.

But... soon.

Shitanya, not entirely unlike a person first learning to throw a Frisbee, grabbed Manbearpig by the head and threw his face into the ground, yelling "I'll save you!" as she did so.

Manbearpig grunted and tasted the dirt.

"oooh!  oooooh uhhh yeah!"  Shitanya mumbled "Sorry about that." Shitanya brushed off his shoulder a little "I was... going to throw you to safety... and uh..."

Manbearpig arched his eyebrow, which really, said all there was that needed to be said.

"And uhh... didn't.  I guess.  (exactly)"

Manbearpig paused.

"(probably shouldn't have thrown you at all, really)" Shitanya mumbled.

Manbearpig prepared the perfect words.

"I mean... not that I couldn't - you totally caught on my claw, otherwise you would have had some pretty sweet air time, I mean, I could really toss you..."

Manbearpig breathed in deeply.

"But, maybe, I shouldn't just... umm.. toss... you...  (at all, really)"

Manbearpig paused a second, ensuring the perfect timing, and finally, exclaimed quite loudly "What the hell woman!?"

Everyone stopped and looked, paused, saw that this was to be the end of the conversation, and resumed their battle.

Jun 5, 2010

So that's what it sounds like to get stabbed with an Ikea lamp...

Ash wasted no time - launching himself at the nearest, biggest Kobold.  ("biggest" being about the size of a 7 year old human child) and shoved his spear right under his chin and up through the top of his head.  His brains hit the sky and made a strange, bloody rainbow.

For a moment, Ash was transfixed by the sheer beauty of the brainbow.  Then, it was back to business.

Jay El, using his freedom of movement spell, effortlessly escaped his gooey bonds and summoned a Hippogriff, which promptly tore the head off of a nearby Kobold, dumping his body a few feet away.  Shitanya struggled against her bonds, but, perhaps still weakened from her ordeal with the fungus, failed to break her bonds.

The taciturn Manbearpig, on the other hand, snapped free of the web, taking only the briefest of moments to look smugly at Shitanya before shooting at the nearest Kobold.  "Dang." he muttered, missing.

Shitanya, filled with murderous rage, screamed in frustration and tore free of the slime and launched herself at the Kobolds.  One of their riding dogs yiped back in fear, while another, obvlivious to the draconic fury about to be unleashed upon it, bit into Ash's shin.

Ash grunted, and made a shishkabob out of another Kobold, ignoring the pup for now.

The Hippogriff swooped down and disemboweled another Kobold, sending this one a good twenty feet into the air before releasing it.  The battle was going well.  They were all free of their bonds, and remained relatively unscathed by the whole thing.  Ash smiled.  He liked stabbing things.

A huge, Ikea-lamp sized balista bolt shot by his ear.  "Huh." he said, "where'd that com..." another shot and landed in his upper shoulder "frrrooaaaagh!" he finished.

Jun 4, 2010

Clumsy Fungus

"Jesus, what the hell happened to your neck?" Jay El asked, as Manbearpig clutched his neck and looked around in a panic.  

Manbearpig looked around silently, as if to signify that he had no clue.  His eyes widened as Jay El's neck performed a similarly odd feat, as it too, sliced open.

"Its invisible!" came Ash's yell, as he lunged towards where he felt the creature might be.

He was right.  His spear sunk deep into... well, something.  It hissed at him and thrashed.  Shitanya, following his lead lunged at the area, and added her claws to the fray.

The creature, writhing in the unanticipatedly accurate assault, launched itself at a new angle, and tripped over its own ovopositor.  Ash looked down, hearing the creature fall, and launched into the air, smacking his own head upon a nearby tree, then cascading down and landing on his nuts.  "Sonovabitch" he gasped.  

Shitanya did something similar, only didn't jump, didn't smash her head, didn't land on her own crotch, and did damage to the creature; leaving it embedded within its flesh in order to make finding it an easier task.

Manbearpig shot an arrow and missed.  "Dang." he cursed.

Jay El smacked it with his mace, and the creature gave up its fight as its blood oozed from its pores.  The group gasped at the horror as it became visible upon its death.

"Man, what a fucked up thing that is" came Shitanya's astute observation.

Manbearpig thought to himself silently that the group had made a fair bit of noise in killing the creature.  He hoped nobody had heard their collective commotion.

A tanglefoot bag, hurled by one of the 4 Kobolds riding their riding dogs, exploded next to the group, engulfing all but the fleet footed ash, who sprung to safety.

"Get them!" Came their lil' barks of fury.

Jun 3, 2010

Emo Throats

As they got closer to the peak of the hill, the air thickened with the smell of coal smoke, and the blackness of the air was all too familiar to that of the blackened fairy village.

This smoke, though, was not that of destruction, but of some perverted sense of progress.  

As they neared the ridge, they could see that it was clearly some kind of town at the bottom of the valley, that was clearly utilizing the coal for some function.
There were Kobolds milling about all over the place, though it was difficult to ascertain where they were coming and going from, at this distance.

One thing was clear - there are hundreds, if not thousands of them.  

Some were carrying large chests, presumably filled with valuables.  Others, were escorting what appeared to be humanoid prisoners, or slaves.  Others still, had horses, and other random beasts.

It was impossible to follow a single Kobold through the mass, as they seemed to disappear only to reappear in other sections of the marketplace. Even large animals or manacled slaves would go into tents and seemingly dissipate into thin air.

The area, though mostly filled with the wares of the marketplace also had some standalone structures which had more clearly military purposes.  Large towers, and sunken bunkers being the more prominent.

Ash, in a rare moment of insecurity, ventured fourth his negative feelings towards this assault.  "We cannot attack this city.  We need an army.  There are simply too many!"  This caused an endless debate as to the various methods they could employ.  From pushing large trees over and rolling them down onto the townfolk, to waiting where they were, and picking off small troupes of guards one by one.

They strategized for some time on the various ins and outs of their desired tactics, while Jay El grew increasingly impatient.  "Look, they may be eating the remaining Fairies as we bicker amongst ourselves!" He snapped.  "What are we to do, simply wait for an opening?  It could take - what the hell!?" he finished, as Manbearpig's throat seemingly sliced itself open on its own accord.

Jun 2, 2010

Really !@#$ing dead Kobolds

The group huddled silently, and Jay El said his prayers, using his most powerful spells to ensure the party's safety.  He would not lose another friend this day.  Manbearpig did the same.  Nobody would die due to his inaction on this day.  Shitanya, seeing a possible emotional outlet, prepared herself mentally and whispered "ssssshhhhhhiiiiiiiit!" as she silently raged.

The travelling troupe of six lightly armed Kobolds, clearly nothing more than a scouting party marched by, none the wiser to the party's presence.

That is, until Ash jumped down and attacked them, followed shortly by the rest of the party, of whom promptly annihilated the small Kobolds.

The group looked at each other and gave knowing smiles.  They were, perhaps, overcompensating a little.

Jun 1, 2010

Evil is merely the absence of Good

Jay El frowned.  These delays were tiresome and unwelcome.  With a wave of his hand he quickly levitated the injured horse out of the pit.  "Let's keep moving." He said, simply, and continued his way forward.  He had no time for the ineptitudes of his companions nor the whimperings of a wounded horse.

Jay El paused and looked inwards at himself.  When had he become so callus?  He brushed the thought aside.  It didn't matter.  The horse was but a distraction.  He'd heal it later, if there was time.

Jay El cocked his ears suddenly.  There were footsteps approaching.  "HIDE!" he yelled, then, as an afterthought, "quietly!" he stage whispered.