Sep 27, 2010

Ash Dream Sequence

There were pits.

Seemingly endless amounts of pits, potholes, and various types of cracks.

Ravines, cliffs, fires and... there was just so much to jump over.

It was glorious.

Ash noted his dashing and amazing boots of jumping and springing, his spiderwalk cloak, and his +4 vorpal spearblade.

He looked down at his amazing collection of trophies and gigantic penis, and offhandedly destroyed a dragon by jumping and springing upon it.

Life was good.  There was plenty of things to be jumped over, and he could do so with style and panache.

He didn't know what the word panache  meant, mind you, (in fact, he was pretty sure it was a type of nut) but, he'd heard a bard use it whence describing acrobatic accomplishments, and, it just seemed the appropriate word to use at the moment.

The world heaved and groaned.  His panache-tree dropped a few nuts as if in warning as a strange taste in his mouth became apparent... it was hard to place.  It certainly wasn't spoiled panache...

He squinted.  It wasn't pleasant.  The world fluctuated for a moment as he remembered giving a bath to his small, vicious childhood pet Chihuavereen, DEATH-SCRAPER-THE-HORRID, and how it would shake its tiny body in a feral attempt to disembowel him afterwards.  It was that kind of smell...

But, it was kind of like, if one were to imagine DEATH-SCRAPER-THE-HORRID shrunk down to the size of a small piece of cereal, then, collected together with other like-smelling objects until there was an approximate barrel-full, then, those were collectively doused in spoiled rat-milk.

It was that kind of smell.  And there was hair in his mouth.  SO MUCH HAIR... He was gagging!  He couldn't breathe!

He glanced around.  The world of jumping, springing, and having decent sized genitalia was dissolving.  Something was happening... What was that smell?  Was he... was he bouncing from his crotch?

He glanced down, and the world, for but a second, was gone, and replaced with a huge, hairy landscape and a painful riding-up in the crotch.  Panic stricken, he did his best to memorize the world in which he'd found himself.  Oh, how he longed to stab just one more thing... to jump over just... one... more...

There was a huge, loud bellow from the sweaty, smelly, hairy mountain he seemed to be both pressed against, and gagging upon.

Ash blinked his eyes open.  "Oh." he said, noting the snuggly.

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