Apr 16, 2010

Identical in all other respects

"So yeah. He's sick. I think that pretty much sums up all you really need to know." Manbearpig continued, as Gustoff listened as intently as he was inclined to do, which wasn't very.

"Uh huh, well, go get yer friend then. I'm not a friggin' Cleric, but whatever, don't ask how business is or anything, lousy no good..." He trailed off, watching one of the stones rotating around his head "Oh right! Avocados!" he snapped his fingers, clearly remembering something of at least moderate importance and thusly far more important than anything going on outside his shop.


"(gasp) why... did... I... untie... you..." Manbearpig gasped as Jay El continued to very charismatically choke the life out of him.

The guards approached and drew their swords. "Halt!" They yelled, as it dictated in the guard's handbook to do in these types of circumstances. "er... Halt!" one of the newer guards said, like one of those annoying kids in highschool that wouldn't actually do anything for an oral presentation and just kind of repeat a few of the words you said and make it look like you were just speaking quickly, and hogging the spotlight, when in fact they didn't do a damn thing.

"Quick, help me!" the very charismatic sociopath pleaded, clearly in need of some assistance in choking the fellow on the ground.

The guards pondered. Their handbook clearly showed the other person on the ground asking for help in these types of situations, but in subsection C, it clearly stated that generally the person asking for help was a person in need of their services.

"Uh..." they stalled.


Rhapsody, the neutral good sorceress looked for something evil to do, and decided that stealing from the elderly was a great place to start. But the old woman's handbag proved too great a challenge, for that was where she kept her dirty novels about men being abused on horseback, and thus, it was zippered shut.


"Look, um, let the fellow go, and, then... we'll all help... who needs... helping." The more innovative of the guardsmen innovated. The other guards looked at him approvingly and offered muttered "glad you thought of that" type responses. "Helping!" replied the slacker of the group, still trying to pretend that he knew what he was doing.


"I AM LOOKING FOR A CHALLENGE!" Ash bellowed into the sparsely populated tavern, which replied with a cacophony of cantankerous cronies coughing and calling out random comments such as "I gotcher challenge right here" and such.

So as not to look too silly, Ash continued: "...and... some... meat. A... a side of beef!" which was met with nearly the exact same replies and retorts. He sighed. Liquefying orcs was so much easier than socializing.

"If this friggin ceiling was higher, I could jump the shit out of that bartender... he'd be all like 'oooh, I have queest for yooooou'" he mumbled to himself, fairly loudly.


Jay El wove a tale so convincing, it t'were like the muse herself did visit this encounter.

"...and then he was like BAM! and I was like OW!" he continued, as the guards all sat around him like it was story time at the library, occasionally frowning at Manbearpig's attempts to loquaciously defend himself. "Uh..." he replied. "Nuh uh." but t'was upon deaf ears.

...well, not deaf ears, just, really interested-in-something-else, ears. If you want deaf ears, you'd be more interested in Ash. Who was kinda deaf. But he was just harassing bar people right now, so this is more interesting.

The guards paused. The fellow HAD rolled really well... but, it said something in their manual about outright killing people based on convincing stories. "Do you have any... y'know... friends... or...family or witnesses or anything like that?" the guard queried.

Manbearpig chose to remain silent for a time. But then, felt it best to cut the tension. "Well, there IS Gustoff... he's about 10 feet behind us if it isn't too much trouble to investigate."

"Fiiiine" The guards all droned. "But now we're really confused, so let's put the possibly-crazy-but-still-so-charismatic guy in front, and handcuff you just in case"

Dong de dong dong. "Huh. Wasn't it a ding dAhUNDEAD!" Jay El squeeked, as Gustoff's evil detector-alerted-undead-security-system gripped him in the grip of the damned, or, at least, the grip of the reanimated and occasionally called on for minor tasks and duties that only rarely involved picking up groceries.

Jay El smiled. Undead happened to be something he was fairly good at controlling as of late. "Release me" he commanded, "and bar the door." nobody was going to be curing any evil any time soon if he had anything to say about it; and, currently, Manbearpig didn't say much, so, that meant that he probably did have quite a bit to say about it. He liked the new him, fever or no, and he intended on staying this way.

The guards saw the formerly-charismatic-and-now-probably-the-bad-guy command the two dead fellows to bar the door, and, after only a moderate amount of pondering, decided it would be prudent to attempt to force the door open, to help out Gustoff, who was alone with the badish man.

The undead held the door, and Jay El advanced upon the hapless old man with an evil glint in his eye. "Now... you shall fall before... oh." he finished, as Gustoff immobilized him with a quick spell. "Well. This is embarrassing." he finished. "Right then," he continued, timing the thudding of the guards against the door "open the door NOW!" The guards, clumsy as they were, fell into a heap, to the top of which, the other undead jumped upon as if a child playing in leaves, only with glowing red eyes and no skin.

1 comment:

  1. "Only with glowing eyes and now skin" hahahaha... yes, in all other respects just like a kid in leaves.


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