Apr 22, 2010

Ants, Allegories, Alligators & Ass whuppin'

"Give us da 'bold an we'll let youse walk!" came their goblinic demands, of which only Ash could understand and translate for the party.

Tribby refused to vote one way or the other, and James, Jay El's player, was currently a stuffed octopus with the voice of Keanu Reeves. And ergo, it came down to the bash-for-fun barbarian, the jump-at-things-with-a-spear Dragoon, and the Druid, who felt that betraying the lil' feller was probably not the nicest thing to do.

After deciding to attack the Goblins, and veto-ing Shitanya's "throw the kobold at them like a weapon" strategum, Tribby attempted to go back and time and change everyone's actions. It didn't quite work.

The party attacked, and the goblins attacked back. However, unlike the whole innocent-orks episode... these guys kinda had it coming, because, well, they were bad guys, and they wanted to kill the other bad guy, and... well, it was just different.

The goblins swarmed upon the group likes ants upon watermelon broken up into little pieces, equipped with armor and weapons, and given sentience. Okay, maybe more like ants upon spiders, or really self aware nugat.

Regardless, the ant-analogy is valid. Goblin guts sprayed everywhere as Jay El mowed through them with uncanny accuracy, Ash's unquenchable lust for spearing, and Shitanya's newfound enjoyment of double clawing. Manbearpig ensnared huge collections of the lil' buggers with very effective spellcasting, and Tribby nuked a good section with her hands o' burning.

Eventually, sheer numbers overwhelmed Tribby, who seemed to be left to her own devices as everyone else attacked in the opposite direction. "I'm a squishy, don't leave me!" she squeeked, as javalins poked into her like a gangbang for the blind.

Shitanya, enraged to the point of lunacy spew fourth Goblin guts in her fury, making everyone in the front row wish they'd donned plastic sheets. Ash jumped back and fourth like an angry flea, and Jay El continued to cleave an impressive path through the goblins, of whom not only seemed unable to hit him, but, also seemed very apt at accidentally hitting each other. Manbear pig ensnared another huge collection of goblins, and then summoned a powerful alligator (which somewhat hurt the rather useless gluestick's feelings, but, he understood - I mean, it was time for them to start seeing other people, but, did he have to do it right in front of him like that?) of which expressed his joy for the all you can gnaw buffet by launching itself at the goblins in allagoric glee. "my bite is akin to the erosion caused by the water against the rocks of the ocean - will these goblins be the sand, or me, the dirty water?" came the surprisingly introspective alligator.

The goblins attempted to make off with Tribby's magic gloves, but Shitanya would have none of it - and quickly tripped and fell. Thankfully, Jay El seemed boarderline immune to anything bad happening to him, and bounded effortlessly over to her and saved the day, while goblins cursed at each other for the friendly fire which ensued as a result.

As the corpses began to mount and make sandbag-like settlements, the group realised that despite the numbers, they were winning! Then, fairies showed up. If they were friend or foe, was yet to be determined.

Manbearpig waltsed up to them and asked for help.
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