The group continued their slow caravan towards the Elven City, as snow began to fall.
The party, seeing the snow, all realized just how long they'd been together in an urgent mission to save the world. The general consensus was that they should probably get started on that.
And then, a sudden distraction appeared.
Seemingly out of nowhere, a sudden loud buzzing and screeching was heard from all around the party.
"To arms!" Yelled Ash, readying his spear in anticipation.
The group looked towards the sound, and saw that there were dozens of large, wasp-like creatures carrying medium sized humanoid creatures upon their saddled backs. Tribby cast mirror image on herself, in an effort to prolong what seemed very likely to be inevitable.
From a distance, they almost resembled a red ant riding a wasp. But, as they neared the party, they soon realized that these were no simple-minded bugs, as they attacked with both precision, accuracy, and strategy.
The 50 armed sentries launched a volley of arrows and slung rocks upon the attackers, who seemed to easily weave between the shots with the utmost of aerial precision and dexterity. Suddenly, the party was in chaos, as the world went utterly dark. "Light!" Yelled Ash, "we need some light!" and, with that, he launched himself upwards in an effort to escape the darkness.
As luck would have it, there was one of the raiders directly above him and, he thrust his spear upwards into the giant wasp. It screeched and stung him, causing him to scream in agony as the acidic venom was inserted into his bloodstream. As he fell back to the ground, it was with terrifying relief that he realized his body was going numb.
"dish id subbuddy ebbes babble nub!" he said, his lips paralyzing up with the rest of him. All around him, were screams of agony, and the constant sound of the terrifying, buzzing wings.
And then, his consciousness left him completely.
DM's Note: To be fair, I just kinda "cinema-ed" this in an attempt to streamline our storylines together. We had two new people to join the campaign, and I didn't want them watching a lengthly battle.
(as it turned out, they ended up watching a lengthly shopping spree instead, but, what can ya do eh?)
Oct 17, 2010
I'm dreaming of a plus one... spearhead... just like the ones I used to throoow...
The Fab Four and their Duckephant pressed onwards in anticipation towards the Elf City, each dreaming of both the safety it would provide, as well as the plentiful methods and options for them to part with their heavy burden of gold and silver.
For some, their dreams were simple. Magic boots to make them jump higher, and extra pointy things with which to stab. For others, magic helms, shields, and armors glistened in their minds eye. Others still thought more of their companions' accessories than their own.
And for some, the potential option to return to their original form was both tantalizing, and terrifying.
"Do I... want to be a half-elf again?" Tribby thought to herself as she trundled in front of her Duckephant, leading it with a silken rope. "Or heck, even a full-elf?"
As her proverbial book slowly began to resemble her cover, Tribby was beginning to feel more and more at home within the seemingly indestructible form of an Ogre. What better vehicle was there for her to save the world? Surely her fragile half-elf form would seem utterly feeble in comparison...
Still, as she felt her mind continuing to deteriorate, and her strange, guttural cravings to increase, she wondered... what would she do, when she got to the Elf City? Surely they would have the ability to help her... she was a horse being led to the water, alright...
But would she drink?
For some, their dreams were simple. Magic boots to make them jump higher, and extra pointy things with which to stab. For others, magic helms, shields, and armors glistened in their minds eye. Others still thought more of their companions' accessories than their own.
And for some, the potential option to return to their original form was both tantalizing, and terrifying.
"Do I... want to be a half-elf again?" Tribby thought to herself as she trundled in front of her Duckephant, leading it with a silken rope. "Or heck, even a full-elf?"
As her proverbial book slowly began to resemble her cover, Tribby was beginning to feel more and more at home within the seemingly indestructible form of an Ogre. What better vehicle was there for her to save the world? Surely her fragile half-elf form would seem utterly feeble in comparison...
Still, as she felt her mind continuing to deteriorate, and her strange, guttural cravings to increase, she wondered... what would she do, when she got to the Elf City? Surely they would have the ability to help her... she was a horse being led to the water, alright...
But would she drink?
Oct 16, 2010
Yadda yadda yadda
Using the King as a hostage, the heroes set it upon themselves to free the slaves, concubines, and animals. Jay El initiated a "handful to each" of the slaves program, where they distributed the hundreds of thousands of copper coins amongst the slaves.
Then, and, it being late clearly effecting both the party and the DM's logic systems... they decided to stay there a few months and make cool stuff.
At some point, urgency and a time limit had been mentioned, in relation to the upcoming end of the world... but, when else would they have the chance to make plate mail for a Duckephant?
They took a cheetah, monkey and a Duckephant, made Armor for Ash, the Duckephant, and Ash's horse; Tribby had the King's crown crafted into a bracelet for her, and, in general, they milked the Kobold dungeon for everything it had.
Little details like sleeping and co-existing and food management were generally glossed over, and Jay El managed not to have any pressing nightmares or plot devices thrown at him during the course of these many months and, in general, the party got away with a lot.
Eventually, they took their 8000 (finally) freed slaves out, went a bit West of the former Roe, and started the slaves off on building the town of Salsa.
At this point, they took the Goblin girl and 50 armed guards to the Goblin city, reunited her with her family, traded a bit of their jewels for gold, sold a bunch of morning stars, and let the Goblins know that they'd pretty much wiped out the Kobold threat.
And now, they were off to the Elf City!
Then, and, it being late clearly effecting both the party and the DM's logic systems... they decided to stay there a few months and make cool stuff.
At some point, urgency and a time limit had been mentioned, in relation to the upcoming end of the world... but, when else would they have the chance to make plate mail for a Duckephant?
They took a cheetah, monkey and a Duckephant, made Armor for Ash, the Duckephant, and Ash's horse; Tribby had the King's crown crafted into a bracelet for her, and, in general, they milked the Kobold dungeon for everything it had.
Little details like sleeping and co-existing and food management were generally glossed over, and Jay El managed not to have any pressing nightmares or plot devices thrown at him during the course of these many months and, in general, the party got away with a lot.
Eventually, they took their 8000 (finally) freed slaves out, went a bit West of the former Roe, and started the slaves off on building the town of Salsa.
At this point, they took the Goblin girl and 50 armed guards to the Goblin city, reunited her with her family, traded a bit of their jewels for gold, sold a bunch of morning stars, and let the Goblins know that they'd pretty much wiped out the Kobold threat.
And now, they were off to the Elf City!
XP
Manbearpig
Alignment Bonuses +200
Killing Stuff +600
+300
Roleplaying +700
Traps +50
Prison Break +400
SUB TOTAL 2250
Ash
Alignment Bonuses +200
Killing Stuff +1800
Roleplaying +700
Secret Word Solve +50
Neat Mid Air Spiderman Flip +50
Milking the armor/treasure/slaves situation for everything it was worth +50
SUB TOTAL 2850
Tribby
Alignment Bonuses +200
Killing Stuff +1800
Roleplaying +700
Duckephant domestication logic +50
SUB TOTAL 2750
Jay El
Alignment Bonuses +500
+10% Good
Killing Stuff +1800
Roleplaying +700
Cool use of wind-wall +50
SUB TOTAL 3050
All
Freed 8000 slaves +2000
Rescued The Faries +800
Created Salsa +1200
Defeated Kobold Dung. +2000
SUB TOTAL 6000
Totals
Jay El 9050 LEVEL UP! LEVEL UP!
Ash 8850 LEVEL UP!
Tribby 8750 LEVEL UP!
Manbearpig 8250 LEVEL UP! LEVEL UP!
Oct 15, 2010
Afterthought
The group interrogated the King for a bit, and, after much discussion, delayed introductions, explanations, and cautious allowances, Manbearpig's creepy associate latched onto the King and read his mind, getting the password to a secret vault.
After searching and smashing the room randomly, Ash got the idea to speak the password aloud, and, the secret-secret-secret panel opened.
"Banana Carrot Buttered Bagel!" Ash spoke (in Kobold) at the wall, which immediately, and somewhat majestically, slid open to reveal a wall of gems.
Everyone ooo-ed and aaaah-ed at the gems and chatted about their value.
Manbearpig leaned over to Jay El "By the way, I think I'm poisoned." he mentioned. "Oh, and, I'm missing an eye."
LOOT
10 x rubies $10,000
10 x amethyst $1000
10 x topaz $5000
5 x sapphire $5000
5 x emerald $5000
Yay for non-bifurcated story-lines!
Manbearpig burst through the secret opening in the main throne room, much to the delight of Tribby, who, in a positively Chewbaccian moment, roared, ran up, and hugged Manbearpig in a sing-song-moaning of joy.
Manbearpig did his best to suppress his gag reflex from the smell, and smiled. "I'm all right pal, I'm all right." he stammered, doing his best not to look like he was pushing her away and gasping. "...I'm chasin' something invisible, can you hear it girl? Can you?"
Tribby paused, and perked up her ears. Not only did she hear her prey, but she smelled it too. She pointed and yelled "There!"
With an impressive amount of reflexes, Jay El tossed his caltrops in the direction of the point, while simultaneousness, Ash threw his bag of sneezing and coughing.
It should be noted, that, at this point, the group had yet to identify what the bag of orange dust WAS, and, it was very, very tempting to make it some kind of "super-enlarge-and-empower-dust"... but I resisted.
The King yelped in pain, then began coughing and, well, sneezing, as the entire room filled with the magical equivalent of tear gas. Shortly thereafter, EVERYONE started coughing, sneezing, retching, and otherwise making mucus-related decisions.
Tribby grabbed the invisible, coughing Kobold while everyone recovered from the Ash-gas and, while everyone was waiting, he eventually turned visible, and looked decidedly Kingly.
Manbearpig did his best to suppress his gag reflex from the smell, and smiled. "I'm all right pal, I'm all right." he stammered, doing his best not to look like he was pushing her away and gasping. "...I'm chasin' something invisible, can you hear it girl? Can you?"
Tribby paused, and perked up her ears. Not only did she hear her prey, but she smelled it too. She pointed and yelled "There!"
With an impressive amount of reflexes, Jay El tossed his caltrops in the direction of the point, while simultaneousness, Ash threw his bag of sneezing and coughing.
It should be noted, that, at this point, the group had yet to identify what the bag of orange dust WAS, and, it was very, very tempting to make it some kind of "super-enlarge-and-empower-dust"... but I resisted.
The King yelped in pain, then began coughing and, well, sneezing, as the entire room filled with the magical equivalent of tear gas. Shortly thereafter, EVERYONE started coughing, sneezing, retching, and otherwise making mucus-related decisions.
Tribby grabbed the invisible, coughing Kobold while everyone recovered from the Ash-gas and, while everyone was waiting, he eventually turned visible, and looked decidedly Kingly.
Oct 14, 2010
Hulk hate personal pronouns.
Tribby's formerly elven mind sparked for a moment, reminding her of what it was she was both losing, and becoming. "Wait a minute... We're in the King's throne room, and all that's in there is copper?"
She felt around in the vault and found a slight shimmer. "ooooh secret-secret vault... How to... how to... open..." The Ogre-rage overshadowed her thoughts... "Tribby smash!"
Nothing happened except a slight shimmer. For a moment, the group looked at Tribby. Would this discourage her rage, or...
"TRIBBY SMAAAASH!" she yelled, thrashing wildly at the shimmer.
Ash shrugged, and helped her smash.
Jay El sighed. Ever since freeing some of the slaves, he'd felt... lighter... clearer. To see his companions resort to savagery... even against an inanimate object... troubled him.
He smiled.
That was probably a really... really good thing.
Some time passed, and, eventually, Tribby's savagery, and Ash's accuracy gained them access to the secret-secret vault.
Kobold porn spilled out.
Tribby wiped some froth from her mouth. "It... what!? NO!"
Ash put a calming arm on her shoulder, and, using his spear as a makeshift shovel, pulled the porn out onto the floor. "Kobold on Dragon, Kobold on Elf, Kobold on Kobold, Kobold on... is that a female kobold with a dick?"
The group laughed, but, kept fishing within the porn until...
"Paydirt!" Yelled Ash.
LOOT
18,732g
She felt around in the vault and found a slight shimmer. "ooooh secret-secret vault... How to... how to... open..." The Ogre-rage overshadowed her thoughts... "Tribby smash!"
Nothing happened except a slight shimmer. For a moment, the group looked at Tribby. Would this discourage her rage, or...
"TRIBBY SMAAAASH!" she yelled, thrashing wildly at the shimmer.
Ash shrugged, and helped her smash.
Jay El sighed. Ever since freeing some of the slaves, he'd felt... lighter... clearer. To see his companions resort to savagery... even against an inanimate object... troubled him.
He smiled.
That was probably a really... really good thing.
Some time passed, and, eventually, Tribby's savagery, and Ash's accuracy gained them access to the secret-secret vault.
Kobold porn spilled out.
Tribby wiped some froth from her mouth. "It... what!? NO!"
Ash put a calming arm on her shoulder, and, using his spear as a makeshift shovel, pulled the porn out onto the floor. "Kobold on Dragon, Kobold on Elf, Kobold on Kobold, Kobold on... is that a female kobold with a dick?"
The group laughed, but, kept fishing within the porn until...
"Paydirt!" Yelled Ash.
LOOT
18,732g
28,478s
Kobold porn
Oct 13, 2010
Manbearpig mans up
Manbearpig looked down at his glowing handful, and noted that it had returned once more to its rock-form.
He wondered to himself if he could do the same for Jay El... was there some... magic solution to his predicament? Was his predicament anything other than his own mental evolution? Who was Manbearpig to stand in the way of his friend's evolution?
Manbearpig shook his head, snapped his attention back to the matters at hand, and picked up the beautifully crafted sword, which glinted in his rock's light.
Who was he? He was goddamn Manbearpig, that's who. If it was up to him to save his friend, save the whole damn world, then that was just fine.
He was goddamn Manbearpig.
The sound of small, frantic footfalls assaulted his ears. He stood, his loincloth blowing in the nonexistent breeze, told his creepy companion to lean against the wall and lurched forward with his shiny new weapon raised towards whatever it was that had slaughtered Kip. Presumably, this had been the creature's only weapon of consequence, and it was now retreating as the tides had changed.
Focused and fierce, Manbearpig noted the creature's footfalls change
tap tap tap tap TAP.... t-tap-tap-tap tap tap tap...
Sensing the danger, he too jumped over what was very likely another glue trap. As he jumped, he noted a small marking upon the tile, and, as he continued his pursuit of the unseen attacker, he easily avoided all the other traps.
Oct 12, 2010
I'm not an elf... not yet an ogre...
Tribby smashed open the vault, and thought to herself, sadly, on how it had become her primary method of solving problems. How would she have solved the issue of the safe in her old body?
Tribby blinked. When had this Ogre body been dubbed her body, and her original form, her old? Was... was she happy in this new body, or simply becoming desensitized to it? She looked down at her huge, hairy hands. Was she happy? Happy being strong?
She grunted and tore the remaining pieces of the safe door and tossed it aside, and smiled. Ogre, Human, or Elf, there was gold in them thar hills.
LOOT
20g
Tribby blinked. When had this Ogre body been dubbed her body, and her original form, her old? Was... was she happy in this new body, or simply becoming desensitized to it? She looked down at her huge, hairy hands. Was she happy? Happy being strong?
She grunted and tore the remaining pieces of the safe door and tossed it aside, and smiled. Ogre, Human, or Elf, there was gold in them thar hills.
LOOT
20g
200s
118,311c
Stone of weight
Dust of sneezing and choking
Oct 11, 2010
Shell Shocked
Manbearpig stared aghast as Kip suddenly, and unexpectedly lurched violently forward as his back seemed to simply open up and shoot a sudden spout of fire from an unknown source.
Gimley, who was next in line, yelled a battle cry towards what he clearly felt was a hidden foe, and swung blindly towards it with no luck. Manbearpig looked around, attempting to comprehend what was happening. The bird-woman launched herself as well into the fray, with equally inept results towards their invisible attacker.
Manbearpig couldn't believe Kip was dead. Just like that, with no warning or anything. Dead. Just like that. How had he died? Was there some kind of cursed tablet inside him, set to go off if he went too far from his cell?
Gimley's cheek erupted in a sudden squirt of blood and fire, and the bird-woman screeched and clawed at the air.
Maybe it was some kind of thing... that Halflings just... did? Did Halflings just... Suddenly, the air in front of Gimley and the bird-woman let out an angry bark, and a short sword flung out of the air in front of the group, over Gimley's head, into the wall (causing another eruption of fire) and landed at Manbearpig's feet.
If one had put effort into the logistics and theatrics of this battle, one might have been disappointed at the unfortunate clumsiness of the owner of the sword... but thankfully, there was no deity overseeing the events of these adventurer's lives, and everything was completely random.
(Still, it was a shame.)
Gimley, who was next in line, yelled a battle cry towards what he clearly felt was a hidden foe, and swung blindly towards it with no luck. Manbearpig looked around, attempting to comprehend what was happening. The bird-woman launched herself as well into the fray, with equally inept results towards their invisible attacker.
Manbearpig couldn't believe Kip was dead. Just like that, with no warning or anything. Dead. Just like that. How had he died? Was there some kind of cursed tablet inside him, set to go off if he went too far from his cell?
Gimley's cheek erupted in a sudden squirt of blood and fire, and the bird-woman screeched and clawed at the air.
Maybe it was some kind of thing... that Halflings just... did? Did Halflings just... Suddenly, the air in front of Gimley and the bird-woman let out an angry bark, and a short sword flung out of the air in front of the group, over Gimley's head, into the wall (causing another eruption of fire) and landed at Manbearpig's feet.
If one had put effort into the logistics and theatrics of this battle, one might have been disappointed at the unfortunate clumsiness of the owner of the sword... but thankfully, there was no deity overseeing the events of these adventurer's lives, and everything was completely random.
(Still, it was a shame.)
Oct 10, 2010
Kobold Nipples
"Where's the King!?" Jay El prompted. "He's our ticket outta here!"
Tribby sniffed the air and listened, but found nothing. The group sighed, and did a thorough search of the area, in an effort to find either the King, or, his escape route.
However, they got rather distracted when they found his treasure room.
Tribby sniffed the air and listened, but found nothing. The group sighed, and did a thorough search of the area, in an effort to find either the King, or, his escape route.
However, they got rather distracted when they found his treasure room.
Upon initial inspection, it was a modest treasure room... for a king. There was three rather tasteful paintings of nude and semi-nude Kobolds in various Victorian poses; as well as a marble sculpture of a naked Kobold (oddly, with rubies for nipples... as Kobolds do not have nipples)
Behind one of the paintings, was a safe. "Neat!" Tribby remarked, remembering an illusion her village's story teller would craft for them involving a talking dog and his wacky pals who would solve mysteries.
While the group discussed various methods of opening the safe (okay, they just started smashing it) they also found some interesting items in a small, storage offshoot of the room.
LOOT
Quaal's feather token, anchor
Universal solvent
black dust. (10 sprinkles, reforms destroyed black onyx gem).
Quaal's feather token, swan boat
Dust of dryness
2xImmovable rods
intricate carpet
Hide from undead (potion)
Jump (potion)
Oct 9, 2010
Jiminy Cricket, World-Saver.
Finishing their freeing of the rather embarrassed Halfling, the group continued down the secret hallway. This time, Kip found several traps with ease, proving that, perhaps, he was telling the truth as to the rarity of him failing to do so.
Having trap spotting delegated for the time being, Manbearpig found his thoughts begin to wander. He wasn't sure he liked this mission. Sure, saving the world was all well and good, but, why him? Why now? It all felt so... big. It made him feel very... very small. And what was happening to Jay El? He seemed so... dark, lately. A shadow of his former self.
This had all started with the perception of a demon infestation, or at least some kind of poisoning or cursing... and now... now what was he doing? Was it Manbearpig's job to be Jay El's conscience? Was that the higher purpose he was to fulfill in this drama?
He squinted in the darkness. He couldn't abandon his friend, surely. He had to help him get back to his family... and possibly... back to himself.
But then, he also felt dedicated to saving the world, too... He shook his head. This was getting him nowhere, for the time being. Better to focus on the here and now.
Kip exploded.
Having trap spotting delegated for the time being, Manbearpig found his thoughts begin to wander. He wasn't sure he liked this mission. Sure, saving the world was all well and good, but, why him? Why now? It all felt so... big. It made him feel very... very small. And what was happening to Jay El? He seemed so... dark, lately. A shadow of his former self.
This had all started with the perception of a demon infestation, or at least some kind of poisoning or cursing... and now... now what was he doing? Was it Manbearpig's job to be Jay El's conscience? Was that the higher purpose he was to fulfill in this drama?
He squinted in the darkness. He couldn't abandon his friend, surely. He had to help him get back to his family... and possibly... back to himself.
But then, he also felt dedicated to saving the world, too... He shook his head. This was getting him nowhere, for the time being. Better to focus on the here and now.
Kip exploded.
Oct 8, 2010
Oh. Right.
There was a devilish laugh from above, and the group collectively remembered that there was still a fairly large group of Kobolds on the roof. It seemed that during the scuffle, many of them had scampered up there, some armed with more Alchemist's Fire than others.
Jay El had a thought. "HEY!" He heyed, "HEEEY!"
The group looked at him expectantly.
"Dude, check this out:" and, with that, he cast wind wall upon the ceiling, neatly plucking each Kobold from their perches and launching them to their fiery dooms below.
As an afterthought, Jay El realized that Ash was still underneath the soon to be fiery explosions. "Oop!" he yelled, and commanded his Hell-hound, who was conveniently immune to fire, to push Ash out of the way.
Ash glanced, saw the hell-hound lunge at him, and stabbed it with his spear. "Stupid dog, what got... into... oh." he finished, getting surprisingly not all that burnt due to blind luck and positioning.
Jay El had a thought. "HEY!" He heyed, "HEEEY!"
The group looked at him expectantly.
"Dude, check this out:" and, with that, he cast wind wall upon the ceiling, neatly plucking each Kobold from their perches and launching them to their fiery dooms below.
As an afterthought, Jay El realized that Ash was still underneath the soon to be fiery explosions. "Oop!" he yelled, and commanded his Hell-hound, who was conveniently immune to fire, to push Ash out of the way.
Ash glanced, saw the hell-hound lunge at him, and stabbed it with his spear. "Stupid dog, what got... into... oh." he finished, getting surprisingly not all that burnt due to blind luck and positioning.
Oct 7, 2010
Click
Perhaps it was the time he'd spent in a very sensory deprived environment, or the starvation, or the dehydration, or, maybe he was just plain rusty... but Kip, whose friends and colleagues would call him impossibly good at what he did, heard a click.
Now, the click is a noise that doesn't often instill terror. Oh sure, some of us are camera shy, or might be concerned if we sat on a pair of glasses... but, none of these sources of a click would really cause the look of utter terror on Kip's face.
It was the click of a pressure plate. Pressure plates meant traps. Clicking... meant the trap was now active. Furthermore, his reflexes were slow enough, his timing off-enough, that he knew... he knew he wouldn't get out in time.
Kip closed his eyes and whispered to himself. He didn't even know if his wife was still alive... Was he about to join her, or, was he about to leave her?
His entire body moved, and then, didn't. He opened his eyes... not dead, but very, very securely held. "Holy shit." he breathed a sigh of relief. "I haven't seen a glue trap since I was a wee lad in the thieves guild... I'm alive!" He paused "sticky... but alive!"
The group had to smile at the furry little fellow. Prying the glue off of him wasn't going to be painless, but, as he said, he was alive.
They grabbed their swords and began to saw him out. "Honestly, this nevah 'appens t'me y'know? 1/20 chahnce I assure ye" they all kind of chuckled and teased him as they sawed him out. The group was in fairly good spirits. They'd evaded the guards, and, it seemed they were on some kind of important person's personal escape route... someone who they wouldn't chance using real traps against, but would use something intended to slow down pursuers . Perhaps a public official, or even the king himself!
Manbearpig shuddered for a second. Was he getting sick? He shook his head. He had to stay strong, for the group. Like it or not, he was the leader of this band of escapees, and he was leading the escape. He had to be strong. For them.
Now, the click is a noise that doesn't often instill terror. Oh sure, some of us are camera shy, or might be concerned if we sat on a pair of glasses... but, none of these sources of a click would really cause the look of utter terror on Kip's face.
It was the click of a pressure plate. Pressure plates meant traps. Clicking... meant the trap was now active. Furthermore, his reflexes were slow enough, his timing off-enough, that he knew... he knew he wouldn't get out in time.
Kip closed his eyes and whispered to himself. He didn't even know if his wife was still alive... Was he about to join her, or, was he about to leave her?
His entire body moved, and then, didn't. He opened his eyes... not dead, but very, very securely held. "Holy shit." he breathed a sigh of relief. "I haven't seen a glue trap since I was a wee lad in the thieves guild... I'm alive!" He paused "sticky... but alive!"
The group had to smile at the furry little fellow. Prying the glue off of him wasn't going to be painless, but, as he said, he was alive.
They grabbed their swords and began to saw him out. "Honestly, this nevah 'appens t'me y'know? 1/20 chahnce I assure ye" they all kind of chuckled and teased him as they sawed him out. The group was in fairly good spirits. They'd evaded the guards, and, it seemed they were on some kind of important person's personal escape route... someone who they wouldn't chance using real traps against, but would use something intended to slow down pursuers . Perhaps a public official, or even the king himself!
Manbearpig shuddered for a second. Was he getting sick? He shook his head. He had to stay strong, for the group. Like it or not, he was the leader of this band of escapees, and he was leading the escape. He had to be strong. For them.
Oct 6, 2010
Burn Kobolds Burn
Tribby trundled towards the rightmost thick corner collection of Kobolds on the Eastern side of the room, whose spears were ineffectively clattering against various forms of armor, walls, and hides while doing little else. Tribby launched yet another large cone of fire towards them, searing them horribly and evicting the type of scream on can only really hear from a 4' bipedal lizard being burned by magical flames.
Meanwhile, an equally ineffective group of javelin-equipped lizards were attacking Jay El equally as ineffectively.
Tribby's bird, Thaco, had a moment of success as it soared up and slashed the throats of the roof-Kobolds. (most unexpected) and, as it died, everyone in the room took a brief moment to calculate the damage that 7 flasks of exploding napalm would do to what it landed on.
Being fairly good at math, Ash jumped out of the way and attacked the group on the right, leaving the group on the left to their fiery doom.
(all 'n all, fire killed about 90% of the people in this room, in one form or another)
Wanting in on the action, Ash decided to jump straight up, kill a roof-Kobold (most unexpected) and then, in a fairly spectacular feat of Spiderman-physics, back-flipped off him, landing just out of range of the resulting firebomb... which landed on the remaining group of Kobolds below.
The group collectively dusted off their hands and smiled. "Well," Jay El smiled, "That was cool."
Meanwhile, an equally ineffective group of javelin-equipped lizards were attacking Jay El equally as ineffectively.
Tribby's bird, Thaco, had a moment of success as it soared up and slashed the throats of the roof-Kobolds. (most unexpected) and, as it died, everyone in the room took a brief moment to calculate the damage that 7 flasks of exploding napalm would do to what it landed on.
Being fairly good at math, Ash jumped out of the way and attacked the group on the right, leaving the group on the left to their fiery doom.
(all 'n all, fire killed about 90% of the people in this room, in one form or another)
Wanting in on the action, Ash decided to jump straight up, kill a roof-Kobold (most unexpected) and then, in a fairly spectacular feat of Spiderman-physics, back-flipped off him, landing just out of range of the resulting firebomb... which landed on the remaining group of Kobolds below.
The group collectively dusted off their hands and smiled. "Well," Jay El smiled, "That was cool."
Oct 5, 2010
Secret Exit!
"heeexxxxxaaat!" The creepy creature gestured to the wall. "heeexut!"
Manbearpig examined the wall with his hands, and unleashed a truly spectacular grin. "Check it out." he said, clicking the hidden switch and opening the hidden compartment in the wall.
The group piled in, and Manbearpig looked at the panicking woman one last time and gestured. "Now or never." he said simply "come with me if you want to live."
The girl looked, turned, heard the tromping of the guards, looked back at him... and took his hand. Manbearpig immediately pulled her in, and shut the door behind him. The group waited in hushed silence as the sound of the guards approaching continued.
The group tensed, hearing the guards halt outside the door, and converse amongst themselves. It seemed the two groups from either side had met somewhere in the middle, each group arguing with the other, saying that the group must have slipped past the other.
They didn't know. They didn't know about the hidden passage! The group smiled and gave each other the collective thumbs up, and, quietly, began to traverse this hidden passageway. It seemed as though they were safe!
Kip gestured that he would lead the way, and, using fairly simple sign language, implied to the group that they should keep their eyes open for danger.
The group nodded. They weren't out of the woods, yet.
Manbearpig examined the wall with his hands, and unleashed a truly spectacular grin. "Check it out." he said, clicking the hidden switch and opening the hidden compartment in the wall.
The group piled in, and Manbearpig looked at the panicking woman one last time and gestured. "Now or never." he said simply "come with me if you want to live."
The girl looked, turned, heard the tromping of the guards, looked back at him... and took his hand. Manbearpig immediately pulled her in, and shut the door behind him. The group waited in hushed silence as the sound of the guards approaching continued.
The group tensed, hearing the guards halt outside the door, and converse amongst themselves. It seemed the two groups from either side had met somewhere in the middle, each group arguing with the other, saying that the group must have slipped past the other.
They didn't know. They didn't know about the hidden passage! The group smiled and gave each other the collective thumbs up, and, quietly, began to traverse this hidden passageway. It seemed as though they were safe!
Kip gestured that he would lead the way, and, using fairly simple sign language, implied to the group that they should keep their eyes open for danger.
The group nodded. They weren't out of the woods, yet.
Leeloocorbondallas-multipassnakedness (+erotic locks)
Manbearpig looked into the utterly terrifying, yet clearly emaciated and weakened creature who seemed to speak gibberish which echoed inside Manbearpig's skull, and, it was suddenly like he was back in grade 7, standing across the dance hall, mentally debating in his head on weather or not he should ask the prettiest girl in the room to dance, or, just keep staring at her creepily for the rest of the night.
He traced the keyhole tenderly with the Kobold's key, his hands clammy and his pace racing - he moved it side to side, brought the key to the hole, brought it back, brought it forward again, and finally, when the lock could bare it no longer, he penetrated it with vigor, and opened it, causing the lock to give an inanimate object's version of a content sigh.
(Manbearpig opened the gate with a click)
Tentatively, he approached the rather terrifying creature and unlocked the chains which, it became readily apparent, were what was keeping him up in the first place.
As his weight landed upon Manbearpig's shoulders, he was immediately struck by the unexpected weight of the individual. The exact opposite of when one expects an empty milk jug to be full and lifts it was occurring for Manbearpig. He grunted. "Heavier than he looks" he chuckled. Clearly, he'd have to carry the poor fellow to freedom.
The echoing gibberish within Manbearpig's head began to coagulate into something resembling all the languages which he spoke, all at once. Gradually, he began to understand what the creature was saying. It was, in effect, "thank you" with considerably too many extra vowels, consonants, and spaces, with a particular favoring for the letters x, w, and z.
"xxxsssttthankquxewzewzewzewz" it mentally sighed. Manbearpig smiled and thought a happy "your welcome" and added a few X's out of politeness.
Next on the list was the hot girl. Realizing that the withered fellow on his shoulder, of whom he was thinking was less and less creepy as time went on, very likely was reading his thoughts, he hoped that his species was one that was fairly open minded, and not easily offended. Still, choosing to err on the side of caution, he did his best to not think sexy thoughts - which, as we all know, causes one to think sexy thoughts.
"Gimley, will you hold onto our friend here while I help out the girl?"
"Ach, I'm notta touchin' tha' with a fir feet pewl, lettalone m'shoooulder lad! I tellya gimmie t'keys and EYE'LL be the one comfortan' the wee lass, while yew c'n pley w'your neew frien' thar"
Manbearpig nodded, and passed the keys to the finicky fellow with the braided privates, who promptly unlocked the girl's cell, and roused her.
What followed was... abrupt as it was startling. The girl flew away from the group - granted, they were all naked(ish - braided privates and loincloths aside), male(ish - they weren't entirely sure which gender the creepy fellow was, but, at the moment, were assuming male) and two were missing an eye, one's hand was on fire, and, in general, was the only source of illumination in the otherwise understandably terrifying surroundings to find one in, so... one could likely empathize with the girl.
However, her reactions continued, as though she had no idea what any of what she was witnessing made any sense at all. She didn't seem to recognize anybody, not even her own limbs, and... she freaked out. A lot.
Manbearpig looked back to where he knew the guards were coming, and looked forward to where the guards had come before. "Kip, I need you to scout ahead, and see just how dead everybody is that way."
"Aye!" he agreed, and took off.
"Ach, fas' lil' bugger ain't he?" Gimley commented, doing his best to calm down the terrified girl.
"Look, we don't have time. We have to keep moving." Manbearpig ordered. "Free the next one."
Gimley looked at him, and tossed the keys to him. "Dew it yerself lad, we goot tyme."
Manbearpig acquiesced, and opened the next cell. Within, was a half woman, half... buzzard, or... chicken, or something. As he got closer, he noticed that she was gagged and bound, as well. He poked her, and she thrashed like crazy until he explained the situation. "Shhh... I'm going to let you out, now. Okay? Don't thrash, I'm here to rescue you... shhh, there you go..." came his soothing coos. The creature relaxed, and allowed Manbearpig to free her. As soon as he did, her claws raced up and snatched off her blindfold & gag, and she looked around in a very... feral way.
"We're escaping." Manbearpig reassured her.
Perhaps it was being linked to the psychic, perhaps it was a rare moment of divine intuition, but, Manbearpig knew immidiately that this creature would betray, and likely eat him, the first chance she got. Still, for now, the enemy of their enemy, was still, at the very least, useful, if not a friend.
He traced the keyhole tenderly with the Kobold's key, his hands clammy and his pace racing - he moved it side to side, brought the key to the hole, brought it back, brought it forward again, and finally, when the lock could bare it no longer, he penetrated it with vigor, and opened it, causing the lock to give an inanimate object's version of a content sigh.
(Manbearpig opened the gate with a click)
Tentatively, he approached the rather terrifying creature and unlocked the chains which, it became readily apparent, were what was keeping him up in the first place.
As his weight landed upon Manbearpig's shoulders, he was immediately struck by the unexpected weight of the individual. The exact opposite of when one expects an empty milk jug to be full and lifts it was occurring for Manbearpig. He grunted. "Heavier than he looks" he chuckled. Clearly, he'd have to carry the poor fellow to freedom.
The echoing gibberish within Manbearpig's head began to coagulate into something resembling all the languages which he spoke, all at once. Gradually, he began to understand what the creature was saying. It was, in effect, "thank you" with considerably too many extra vowels, consonants, and spaces, with a particular favoring for the letters x, w, and z.
"xxxsssttthankquxewzewzewzewz" it mentally sighed. Manbearpig smiled and thought a happy "your welcome" and added a few X's out of politeness.
Next on the list was the hot girl. Realizing that the withered fellow on his shoulder, of whom he was thinking was less and less creepy as time went on, very likely was reading his thoughts, he hoped that his species was one that was fairly open minded, and not easily offended. Still, choosing to err on the side of caution, he did his best to not think sexy thoughts - which, as we all know, causes one to think sexy thoughts.
"Gimley, will you hold onto our friend here while I help out the girl?"
"Ach, I'm notta touchin' tha' with a fir feet pewl, lettalone m'shoooulder lad! I tellya gimmie t'keys and EYE'LL be the one comfortan' the wee lass, while yew c'n pley w'your neew frien' thar"
Manbearpig nodded, and passed the keys to the finicky fellow with the braided privates, who promptly unlocked the girl's cell, and roused her.
What followed was... abrupt as it was startling. The girl flew away from the group - granted, they were all naked(ish - braided privates and loincloths aside), male(ish - they weren't entirely sure which gender the creepy fellow was, but, at the moment, were assuming male) and two were missing an eye, one's hand was on fire, and, in general, was the only source of illumination in the otherwise understandably terrifying surroundings to find one in, so... one could likely empathize with the girl.
However, her reactions continued, as though she had no idea what any of what she was witnessing made any sense at all. She didn't seem to recognize anybody, not even her own limbs, and... she freaked out. A lot.
Manbearpig looked back to where he knew the guards were coming, and looked forward to where the guards had come before. "Kip, I need you to scout ahead, and see just how dead everybody is that way."
"Aye!" he agreed, and took off.
"Ach, fas' lil' bugger ain't he?" Gimley commented, doing his best to calm down the terrified girl.
"Look, we don't have time. We have to keep moving." Manbearpig ordered. "Free the next one."
Gimley looked at him, and tossed the keys to him. "Dew it yerself lad, we goot tyme."
Manbearpig acquiesced, and opened the next cell. Within, was a half woman, half... buzzard, or... chicken, or something. As he got closer, he noticed that she was gagged and bound, as well. He poked her, and she thrashed like crazy until he explained the situation. "Shhh... I'm going to let you out, now. Okay? Don't thrash, I'm here to rescue you... shhh, there you go..." came his soothing coos. The creature relaxed, and allowed Manbearpig to free her. As soon as he did, her claws raced up and snatched off her blindfold & gag, and she looked around in a very... feral way.
"We're escaping." Manbearpig reassured her.
Perhaps it was being linked to the psychic, perhaps it was a rare moment of divine intuition, but, Manbearpig knew immidiately that this creature would betray, and likely eat him, the first chance she got. Still, for now, the enemy of their enemy, was still, at the very least, useful, if not a friend.
"eeeeeeEEeeeckkkksssssssssssssssssssiiiit" came "Creepy"s next word, with a feeble point. Manbearpig noted that the creature was able to lift his arm now, which he previously was unable. He was glad that the creature was getting stronger as, he felt increasingly tired holding the fellow up. "Exit?" Manbearpig prompted, "are you trying to tell me you know the way out?"
The creature collapsed and "spoke" the word again in an affirmative nature. "hhheeexxxxxuuuut!"
Manbearpig nodded. Perhaps rescuing this creature was the right way to go...
Oct 4, 2010
Seriously, Mario Jumps Less.
"Death from aboooove!" Ash bellowed, flying down on to another foe, piercing through their robes just like that scene in Star Wars where the robed guy gets whacked - only with a lot more brains and guts splattering all over the place, lizards, and air time Michael Jordon would be envious of.
The Kobolds clambered over Ash in a slough of ineffective stabbings, chittering fearfully to each other as it became increasingly apparent how ineffectual they were against his armor.
Taking his lead from Tribby, Jay El summoned a dark hellhound from the abyss. Silently, he was grateful that his childhood friend Manbearpig, of whom he had once dazzled with the summonings of butterflies in their youth, was not there to see him spawn such a horror.
He shook his head. Now wasn't the time. He directed the hound to burn the phalanx of armored Kobolds. He smiled. Soon, they would cook like a furry shelled Rabbobster in boiling water. But, unlike the rumors that the screams those floppy eared crustaceans emitted when they hit the boiling water, there would be no doubt as to the genuineness, nor the origin of the Kobolds' screams.
Tribby joined him with another goust of flame, and, together, they watched the platoon scream and fry within their own armor.
Jay El caught himself smiling at the thought. When had he begun to enjoy the suffering of lesser creatures? A javelin flew over his head as he moved towards the corner group. When had he started thinking of any species as "lesser", for that matter?
One of the magi cast grease upon his Hellhound, causing it to slip and fall, snapping Jay El from his thoughts.
"Jumping doooooOOooom!" Ash barked, launching across the room and passing Tribby's hawk, Thaco in mid-flight.
Given the amount of time Ash spent in the air, he had plenty of time for introspection. Had he always been this way? Why did he feel the need to prove himself so? Was it growing up on the streets? The death of his parents? The ridiculously small "GRREEAAAAAAK!!" he shook his head, distracted by the Kobold's scream and spray of blood.
Jay El looked around the room, seeing the carnage with fresh eyes. Had he caused this? Yes, the Kobold king was undoubtably evil, running a slave ring and attacking innocent villages... but were all Kobolds then to be treated thus? What if partnering up with Bliznark really DID cause the death of the fairy village? What if all this death and destruction was all his fault?
A Kobold reared up and attacked Jay El, of whom swiped him to the side with his mace, almost absent mindedly. What about the nursery upstairs... with all the trampled women and children? What was the excuse for that? Was this really who he was, now? Murderer of the innocent?
"DIE WARMBLOOD!" the nearest Kobold screamed, its tiny eyes filled with hate and evil.
Then again... Jay El pondered, caving in it's skull. There were probably a few Kobold slavers who were equally as evil as the King.
Oct 3, 2010
Don't get me started on Amn't.
Manbearpig double checked that the hallways were empty. Though the alarm was still ringing, it seemed that, for the moment, he was alone (minus the smoldering Kobold remains and the cheering Halfling.) He knelt down and inspected the charred lizards.
"Ah!" Manbearpig ah-ed, finding the keys, as well as another whip, and two morning stars. "Kobold guards, we hardly knew ye..." he whispered to himself, tipping his twig in respect. "Now then, let's get you outta there eh, Kip?"
"I'd hug ya but ye still need to be undoin' me chains!" Kip replied as Manbearpig swung open the cell doors. He hesitated for only a moment. It had been a while since he'd been hugged by a Halfling. Coincidently, it has also been approximately the same time since he'd gotten drunk in a Halfling village.
"C'mon!" Manbearpig said, after a very quick unchaining, and even quicker celebratory hug. "Let's go free some of the others!"
"Aye!" Kip yelled, getting a hold of himself. "Can I have a weapon?"
"No!" Came Manbearpig's cheerful reply. "At least..." he looked around mysteriously, "...not yet." and then he winked at a non-existant camera.
Kip ran after Manbearpig, "Hey, something I've been thinking about, y'know, while sitting in the dark for months... I mean, why doesn't wink have a better past-tense form? Winked is still very present tense sounding to me... I mean, say... puff puff, say someone was... yikes, really out of shape after 3 months of sitting... I mean, say someone was standing there, y'know, like in story, or something, and he winks at the reader, right? You know the type... If you were describing that action, 'he winked at the reader' just doesn't seem right, does it?"
Manbearpig glanced back at the Halfling. Clearly he had put his months of solitude to good use.
"Hi." He said to the Goblin girl, who likely was swearing at him even as he opened her cell door and untied her. Not the nicest of people, but, well, if they were enemies of the Kobold slavers, for now, they were friends.
"I mean, obviously you couldn't say something like 'he wanked at the reader', obviously, that's the sort of reading one needs some free time on their hands for, but, really, I'm serious, I mean, why isn't it Wunk? Doesn't that sound a little more past-tense to you than winked?"
The Goblin girl yelled something likely even more offensive at Kip.
"Er, she's right." Manbearpig guessed "we should keep the conversation to a minimum until we're out of here."
"Is that what she said then? Aye, she's a-right 'bout tha', isn't she? Y'speak Goblin then, do ya?"
"Er... no. Just what she just said, actually."
Kip smiled. He had a nose for lies, even white ones. But, he took the point anyway. "Aye. Fair enough."
"Ach! Is that an escaping party Ah here then?" Gimley laughed into the hallway.
"Yes." Said Manbearpig, freeing him and giving him some weapons. "Let's escape, shall we?"
"Aye." Gimely grunted, in his thick Dwarvern accent.
"Aye." Kip replied, in his decidedly more melodic Halfling accent.
DM's note: Switching between a Scottish accent and an Irish accent is challenging.
"Ah!" Manbearpig ah-ed, finding the keys, as well as another whip, and two morning stars. "Kobold guards, we hardly knew ye..." he whispered to himself, tipping his twig in respect. "Now then, let's get you outta there eh, Kip?"
"I'd hug ya but ye still need to be undoin' me chains!" Kip replied as Manbearpig swung open the cell doors. He hesitated for only a moment. It had been a while since he'd been hugged by a Halfling. Coincidently, it has also been approximately the same time since he'd gotten drunk in a Halfling village.
"C'mon!" Manbearpig said, after a very quick unchaining, and even quicker celebratory hug. "Let's go free some of the others!"
"Aye!" Kip yelled, getting a hold of himself. "Can I have a weapon?"
"No!" Came Manbearpig's cheerful reply. "At least..." he looked around mysteriously, "...not yet." and then he winked at a non-existant camera.
Kip ran after Manbearpig, "Hey, something I've been thinking about, y'know, while sitting in the dark for months... I mean, why doesn't wink have a better past-tense form? Winked is still very present tense sounding to me... I mean, say... puff puff, say someone was... yikes, really out of shape after 3 months of sitting... I mean, say someone was standing there, y'know, like in story, or something, and he winks at the reader, right? You know the type... If you were describing that action, 'he winked at the reader' just doesn't seem right, does it?"
Manbearpig glanced back at the Halfling. Clearly he had put his months of solitude to good use.
"Hi." He said to the Goblin girl, who likely was swearing at him even as he opened her cell door and untied her. Not the nicest of people, but, well, if they were enemies of the Kobold slavers, for now, they were friends.
"I mean, obviously you couldn't say something like 'he wanked at the reader', obviously, that's the sort of reading one needs some free time on their hands for, but, really, I'm serious, I mean, why isn't it Wunk? Doesn't that sound a little more past-tense to you than winked?"
The Goblin girl yelled something likely even more offensive at Kip.
"Er, she's right." Manbearpig guessed "we should keep the conversation to a minimum until we're out of here."
"Is that what she said then? Aye, she's a-right 'bout tha', isn't she? Y'speak Goblin then, do ya?"
"Er... no. Just what she just said, actually."
Kip smiled. He had a nose for lies, even white ones. But, he took the point anyway. "Aye. Fair enough."
"Ach! Is that an escaping party Ah here then?" Gimley laughed into the hallway.
"Yes." Said Manbearpig, freeing him and giving him some weapons. "Let's escape, shall we?"
"Aye." Gimely grunted, in his thick Dwarvern accent.
"Aye." Kip replied, in his decidedly more melodic Halfling accent.
DM's note: Switching between a Scottish accent and an Irish accent is challenging.
Oct 2, 2010
You don't start cooking the turkey after the guests show up
Tribby launched a cone of fire through and over the scorpion, into the waiting pyramid of armored Kobolds, which flinched under the heat of the flames. Ash thrust his spear from beside Tribby, then, thrust it again from the other side. The half-melted exoskeleton of the scorpion easily gave way to the punctures, and, screaming in frustration, dropped to the ground. Jay El looked at Tribby. "Hey, do you need any healing or anything?"
Tribby looked at him. "Oh yeah. I kind of forgot you could do that. Yes, actually. I'm borderline mortally wounded from earlier."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Odd thing to forget."
"Odd thing for YOU to forget not to offer before we broke down this door."
"Touché." He muttered, waving his hands and closing her wounds as Ash flew over their heads in the background yelling present-company-excluded-expletives about sorcerers.
Magic beams of deadly force circled around the Kobolds, over obstacles and into Tribby's fur. She grunted. Jay El's heal had come in the nick of time.
Tribby looked at him. "Oh yeah. I kind of forgot you could do that. Yes, actually. I'm borderline mortally wounded from earlier."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Odd thing to forget."
"Odd thing for YOU to forget not to offer before we broke down this door."
"Touché." He muttered, waving his hands and closing her wounds as Ash flew over their heads in the background yelling present-company-excluded-expletives about sorcerers.
Magic beams of deadly force circled around the Kobolds, over obstacles and into Tribby's fur. She grunted. Jay El's heal had come in the nick of time.
Breathy Swearing
In a red roverian display of force, the triumphant Trio burst through the King's door and spilled fourth into the throne room.
Tribby was the first to fully understand the scenario before them. While the entire group clearly saw the plate mailed Kobolds in front of them, and while they all noted that the front row was armed with sword and shield, while the last row was using maces, the rest of the group only barely noticed the two groups of six in the back corners of the room, only Tribby noted the robed Kobolds nestled behind their respective corner-guards, and, only Tribby noted the four Kobolds standing rather non-nonchalant upon the ceiling.
What everyone did note, was the King in the center of the room, who promptly vanished from sight after quickly imbuing a potion of a presumably magical nature, and, the rather humongous scorpion which suddenly appeared in front of them.
Ash swore under his breath. He hated fighting magic users.
Tribby swore over her breath. She loved fighting just about everything.
Jay El swore an oath parallel to his breath, and to his ideals. He would free the slaves, he would find his companions, he would wreak havoc upon the Kobolds for putting him into this position.
Tribby was the first to fully understand the scenario before them. While the entire group clearly saw the plate mailed Kobolds in front of them, and while they all noted that the front row was armed with sword and shield, while the last row was using maces, the rest of the group only barely noticed the two groups of six in the back corners of the room, only Tribby noted the robed Kobolds nestled behind their respective corner-guards, and, only Tribby noted the four Kobolds standing rather non-nonchalant upon the ceiling.
What everyone did note, was the King in the center of the room, who promptly vanished from sight after quickly imbuing a potion of a presumably magical nature, and, the rather humongous scorpion which suddenly appeared in front of them.
Ash swore under his breath. He hated fighting magic users.
Tribby swore over her breath. She loved fighting just about everything.
Jay El swore an oath parallel to his breath, and to his ideals. He would free the slaves, he would find his companions, he would wreak havoc upon the Kobolds for putting him into this position.
Oct 1, 2010
KFK. (Funnier if it was spelled Cobolds...)
Manbearpig readied himself. The tiny pitter patter of Kobold feet and Kip's helpful tips all but pinpointing their locations for him, he launched a fireball from around the corner, engulfing the Kobold in instant flames.
"YEEEEAH!" Screamed Kip, clearly enjoying his vicarious revenge. "BURN BITCHES, BURN!"
Silently, Manbearpig wondered if the fact that the guards were obese meant that they'd taste good... It had been a while since he'd eaten.
The Kobold redneck swore at him in its yipping, yapping language, and, then, its fingers still greasy from whatever it was that they'd been eating, he attempted to hit Manbearpig with his whip. The grease, however, turned the strike into something more of a sloppy, almost friendly toss.
Reacting quickly, Manbearpig caught the Kobold's whip and, in one quick Jack-Burton-Its-All-In-The-Reflexes motion, attempted to attack the 'bold with it. Failing in his attempt (though not as graphically as the Kobold) he shrugged, and hit the greasy lizard with a second fireball. "That'll do." he smiled.
"BURN, YOU SCALED FUNGUS (fungus? No... maybe something like... rodent... rodent? yeah) FUCKING RODENT BITCHES! (yeah, that's more apt)"
"YEEEEAH!" Screamed Kip, clearly enjoying his vicarious revenge. "BURN BITCHES, BURN!"
Silently, Manbearpig wondered if the fact that the guards were obese meant that they'd taste good... It had been a while since he'd eaten.
The Kobold redneck swore at him in its yipping, yapping language, and, then, its fingers still greasy from whatever it was that they'd been eating, he attempted to hit Manbearpig with his whip. The grease, however, turned the strike into something more of a sloppy, almost friendly toss.
Reacting quickly, Manbearpig caught the Kobold's whip and, in one quick Jack-Burton-Its-All-In-The-Reflexes motion, attempted to attack the 'bold with it. Failing in his attempt (though not as graphically as the Kobold) he shrugged, and hit the greasy lizard with a second fireball. "That'll do." he smiled.
"BURN, YOU SCALED FUNGUS (fungus? No... maybe something like... rodent... rodent? yeah) FUCKING RODENT BITCHES! (yeah, that's more apt)"
Manbearpig shook his head. He did not relish killing the creatures, and merely did what he needed to ensure his own survival. Still, he could understand the malice one would tend to generate under such circumstances. The slavery, the imprisonment... He empathized with Kip, who, Manbearpig guessed used to be a considerably more gentle soul.
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