XP

Manbearpig
Escaped Cell 50
Neat Mudlight idea 50
Roleplaying 150
Stealth etc 25

Shitanya
Broke chains 10

Jay El & Tribby
Strategy 300
Encounter 1 300
Encounter 2 350

Tribby
Ash Snuggly 50

Note:  J&T Freed a large portion of slaves - will be calculated upon quest completion

Get busy shittin' or get busy escapin' You're daaamn right.

Shitanya, who had been dreaming about a truly horrible version of the Shawshank redemption, woke up face to face with one of the folks who'd been a potential buyer.

"Do you know you have an octopus for a head?" she asked the fellow in the monitor.

>>YOU WILL FOREVER DO MY BIDDING<<
>>KILL AND TORTURE WHO YOU MUST SO THAT YOU CAN GET TO ME THE FASTEST<<

It was gonna be one of those days.

Step 1: Escape chains, step 2 engage guards in conversation. no wait, wrong order!

Shitanya swayed back and fourth, testing the flex of the chains.  She flexed her arms, but there seemed to be little give to her bonds.  It didn't make her angry, per se, to be imprisoned.  It certainly didn't enrage her in a barbarous fashion by any extent.  But, it was really inconvenient.

She decided she would blast the chains with her super-breath, and, thankful for her draconic Father's tendency towards icy over hot, she froze, and made brittle her bonds, and broke them in a single flex of her mighty arms.

"FREE!" She yelled.  Now, she would see the sites, she would taste the foods of freedom!  She would fly through the sky and soar like a majestic crowdvark, the armored bird which had long symbolized freedom to her people.

"Seize her!" Yelled the Auctioneer to his Fairy folk, who swarmed towards her.

Shitanya laughed.  "What can you bugs possibly do to one as majestic as myself!?"  She stood her ground, and dared them to attack.  "By the way, do any of you know Petal?"

They zapped her with a sleep spell.

"Ooooh riiiight..." she drawled, falling to the floor "I fergot they could dooo....thaaat..." she fell asleep.

Nightcrawler would be proud

Shitanya, her strategic mind somewhat aflame, scooped up her dung with her tail and hurled it at the screen of potential buyers.  The auctioneer clearly got annoyed by this, and had one of his minions quickly clean it off as he apologized for the temporary technical difficulty to his buyers.

"Innovative, clever, not afraid to get her hands (or tail) dirty, fairly dexterous - quite the shot really, and, let's not forget those wings gentlemen.  The wings and tail of the half dragon lady would easily fetch twice the price..."

Shitanya frowned.  This was getting her nowhere.  She needed a different stratagem.  Something, she mused, involving the chains, perhaps...

Might as well

Shitanya sighed.  Her strategy had been partially successful, but, it seemed that she was still up for sale.

Shrugging, she peed herself.  It wasn't so much for any particular purpose at this point.  She just had to go.

"How the heck am I going to get out of here?" she asked herself.

Marketing

The auctioneer, as she'd come to think of him, was still praising Shitanya's various assets.  Including things like razor sharp talons, superhuman strength, the possibility of other, draconic racial abilities, and a fairly decent rack.

Shitanya smiled to herself.  Her head was still fuzzy, but she knew one way to at least lower her potential selling price.

Thankful for the somewhat spoiled mushrooms she'd had earlier for lunch, Shitanya bore down, and crapped herself a mighty dump.

A few of the patrons on the screen recoiled in disgust and their screens went black - others leaned in more interested than ever, while some seemed not to notice.  The auctioneer glanced at her, but didn't miss a beat in his sales pitch.  "regular excreting means a healthy digestive system, and she's clearly not shy..."

More Thongs

Shitanya blinked her eyes.  The light wasn't harsh, but, it was somewhat unexpected within a Kobold dungeon.  That was assuming of course, that she was still IN a Kobold dungeon.  Her mind was fuzzy, and she was having a hard time focusing.

"Where...?" she started, then, decided to refrain from speech until she'd finished surveying her new surroundings.

Before her was a huge, faceted, crystalline surface, reflected throughout were various faces, all of which seemed to be looking at her with various, appraisic expressions upon their faces.  She blushed as well as a scaled creature could, and glanced down at her nearly naked form.

What the hell had happened?  She grimaced.  Her hands were chained high above her head, and her head felt logy from a lack of oxygen.

To her right was a Kobold, which, was actually a little comforting, as it implied that she was more likely to be inside where she thought she was, at least.  The little fellow appeared to be singing Shitanya's various physical praises to the people upon the screen much like a peddler of wares might overemphasize the leather-like qualities of a sofa.

Shitanya blinked, but her eyes were not deceiving her.  Above, flew several fairies, all apparently blase about the apparent slave auction going on below them as they attended to whatever errands fairies with such disdain for morals might have.

"Hey!" she yelled.  There was no response by any of the lot, though the announcer did mention briefly that Shitanya's voice was no doubt under a certain amount of stress due to her recent ordeal and, with some lemon tea, she would very likely have a beautiful singing voice.

For those of you attempting to follow along

Hi there.  I'm the DM.

So, for those of you attempting to follow along, you may have noticed that some battles seem outlandishly complicated, and then at other times, a simple knockout dart will take out a character for the course of an adventure.

The reasons behind this, outside of game, are that the players themselves have been unable to make it at one time or another.

So currently, Jay El is the only player to have escaped the coincidental knockout/ankle twist etc.  His thoughts and actions are his own, and only embellished by me at every turn.

This explains why, for no apparent reason, we are unable to heal someone, find someone, and also helps explain the likelyhood of simply forgetting to pick them up when they're left prone and helpless in a dungeon full of baddies.

So, when Tribby was tiny and asleep, Renee, her player, was gone.
When Shitanya was knocked out by Tribby's growth, this was Renee returning to the game, and Nicole being absent.  Ditto was Sean, Manbearpig's player, also gone for this game (thus the knockout dart, and the party's ability to forget the duo elsewhere in the dungeon.)
For this next game, Ash (played by AJ) is absent, and thus, I hope to have him bonk his head when he jumps, because the premise amuses me.  We shall see!

And now, some shameless SEO:
The Key to Awesome: The Step by Step Guide to Having an Outstanding Life!

Ooooh THAT'S what we forgot...

Ash perused his surroundings as his comrades attempted to ascertain the best weight to gold ratio (as there clearly was no way they were going to be carrying all of the items they'd found)

"There seems to be a... ah, yes.  Here we are..." he mumbled as he uncovered a hidden panel.  Therein lay a rather remarkable robe, and dagger.

Tribby, sensing that they were magic, offered her services of identification, and it was surmised that they were the ROBE OF BONES and a +1 RETURNING DAGGER.

Desperately needing rest, the party contented themselves with the ambitious project of barricading the doors with the plethora of weaponry... and Tribby.

The party drifted off to sleep.  

Jay El dreampt of chasing after fragments of memories, and faceless women and children saying muted words in blurry surroundings.

Ash dreampt of plunging his spear through the rocky chest of a giant.

Tribby dreampt a rather remarkable dream involving two Ogres, and one cup.

They awoke.  Some tormented, some enthused, and some needing about 5 more minutes.

Jay El snapped his fingers.  "Oh crap.  We suck."

Tribby, still re-living her nocturnal dalliance, looked at him with dreamy eyes "hmmmm...?"

"We totally left Shitanya and Manbearpig alone... over night...  up in the storage locker!"

Hastily, they moved aside their barricade, and ran to the storage locker.  

Aside from the poisoned foodstuffs, and urine soaked bread, the room was empty.

"Well... crap." Jay El summarized.

"Meh." Ash offered, in condolences.  

Jay El takes the genocide route

The group descended into the depths, and entered into what appeared to be something of a storage room.  They deducted this by reading the label upon the door.  Which said "storage."  And it was a room.

Tribby smiled.  Her ogreish appetite swelling "lookit all da rice!" she drooled, before realizing what she'd said "it... er, looks delicious and of an eastern variety."  It wasn't.

Jay El flinched from the pain in his leg.  He'd been having trouble summoning up his healing spells as of late.  His hatred of the Kobolds and of himself was making it difficult for him to focus.

"Damn scaled rats don't deserve to eat." he spat.

Tribby laughed "Yeah, we should like, pee on their rice or something."

"Yes." Jay El smiled.  "Or something."

Jay El searched the room throughoughly.  Chances were that this room might be where some of the party's stolen gear would be located.  "Ah..." he sighed, sighting the poison sacs they'd taken from some spiders.

He paused.  Those were such different times.

For a moment, a brief essence of light shone across his eyes.  It had been such a different adventure for him then.  He'd felt... he'd felt... 

He shut his eyes and grimaced.  These Kobolds had taken from him in many ways, and he aimed to return the favor.

Grabbing the poison sacs, he emptied them upon the food stores of the cave.  "Damn rats.  I hope you get to watch your babies writhe in agony before you die." he spat again.

Tribby set down Shitanya and Manbearpig and stretched her back.  "oy!" she exclaimed.  

The other shoe, or in this case, druid/rogue, drops

Manbearpig sighed, and silently surveyed the area.  Clearly this party would have need of his skills of squinting.  There would be no margin for error.  No rest for his soul until he'd discovered each and every...

Manbearpig stepped on a pressure plate and was hit with a dart in the neck.  "Dammit." he muttered, losing consciousness.

Tribby sighed.  "Don't worry everyone *I'LL* carry him..." she said, slinging him over her other shoulder.  Shitanya let out a little "hheey didja see da purdy starzzz..." before losing consciousness again.

Deathstroke does this one time with the Atom and a laser pointer

Tribby, like many a mario brothers player, suddenly realized that she was unable to sufficiently halt her momentum, asplodes Shitanya into the wall with all 900 pounds of her girth.  In a panic, she let out a quick yodel of apology.

"ooOoh cuh-raaa-haaap, I'm sooOoory!" she attempted, realizing that not only did the apology seem either insincere or insane, but that she was also quite terrible at yodeling.

The party all shrugged and paid little heed to the incident.  It was good to have Tribby back, but, it seemed that now Shitanya would be out of it for the foreseeable future.

Everyone looked expectantly at Manbearpig.

"What?"

There was a pregnant pause, but, nothing happened to the stalwart avenger, and so, after another expectant pause, they decided to carry on.  Tribby hoisted Shitanya up onto her back.

zzzzz huh!? WHA!? Oh right. We play this game called DND...

Tribby scampered up the pathway, delicately prancing and mincing her way towards the party.  How would she best surprise them?  Would she jump in one of their ears and yodel?

She stopped her brainstorming right there, because, quite honestly, there was no way there was a better idea than that.

She targeted Shitanya and flew at her ear.

It was at this exact moment, that the evil Fairy's shrink spell... wore off on the 900 pound Ogre.



[DM NOTE: Tribby's player was gone, and now Shitanya and Manbearpig's players are MIA]

Mini-adventure 3

Tribby surveyed her surroundings a bit more.  Her heightened sense of smell was definately picking up something putrid.  Something decidedly Shitanya, which, she had thought, had been bathing a little more regularly as of late.

"Ooooh MAN!" She wigged out, jumping up in alarm as she suddenly realized that she had been sitting on a rather gargantuan, severed Orc penis.  "She said she threw this out!"

"HkkkKkkSQUAWK! grunt grunt sQUEEE!" came the cacophony which could only be compared to the equivalent of wormbirdpig laughter, or, perhaps, a spirited debate about the environmental concerns which dragons tended to create.  (considering the likely intelligence level of the wormbirdpig, Tribby assumed it was the former)

"Gross!  Icky icky gross!" Tribby mini-waved her hands in a way most un-trollishly.

Then, she saw the pubes.

"Hmmmm..."

Shitanya Alotta Dumpalina the Third

The young half dragon gleefully sprinted home, eager to show her loved ones her newfound treasure.

This proved difficult, as they were all very dead.

Her Father had come.  Her childhood had ended.  She looked down at the beautiful gem in her hands and, for a second, thought to hurl the stone into the fire as if it were cursed and to blame for her misfortune.

She paused in mid-throw, and realised the opposite was true.  The stone, and her coincidental dream was what had saved her from her family's fate.

Alone, and afraid, she vowed that her life being saved this day would lead to great deeds.  She spat into the dirt below her.

Justice would be had.  Both for her, and the world.

She would remove a great many penises from a great many men.

Shitanya Alotta Dumpalina the Third

Shitanya came from a long line of Shitanyas.  There was Shitanya the smelly, Shitanya the oily, and finally, Shitanya the fecal.

Depending on who you ask, Shitanya's backstory was either a tale of woe or triumph, of mystery or of downright obvious conclusions.

It was almost as if her entire life story had been carefully crafted, and then abandoned for the sake of fun.

Regardless, there were times where Shitanya enjoyed remembering, or, perhaps just daydreaming, about her past.  In those pseudo memories, her Mother had given birth to two, half dragon babies.  Shitanya and her Brother, Ted.

The fact that they were half-dragon, didn't go over too well with their Father, who wasn't.  It seems that Shitanya II had an interesting liaison with a fellow of the Draconic persuasion, and had neglected to mention it.

Fearful for her babies' lives, Shitanya II fled and hid from her (presumably ex) husband and cared for them for 6 years.

And then, he found them.

It was dark, just before nightfall was at its blackest, when Shitanya III awoke from her strange dream.  There was a grove that she was familiar with, within the dream, as well as a symbol that she'd never seen before, of a white mass with a black mass within it.

Intrigued, and being a free spirit, Shitanya III jumped from her bed and went to the grove.

While there was no strange, glowing mass of either black nor white, there was, upon closer inspection, a small, pink gem.

Shitanya eye's lit up as her smile grew in wonder.  She'd never seen anything so pretty.  She picked it up and raced home, thinking to wake her family to show them what she'd found.

XP

XP

Alignment Bonuses
 JL 100 (self sacrifice/greater good)
 Shitanya 60 (concern for living creatures & modified battle plans)

Killing Stuff
 All
  Kobolds 50
  Dogs 15
  Phantom Fungus 300

 Towers
  JL 300 (Hippogriffs & Healing)

 Shitanya 300 (Bravery & Damage)

 Ash 300 (Damage & Leadership)

 Roleplaying

  Jay El 10 (probably should have been a bit more concerned for the fairies, but, still made the right calls where it mattered)

  Shitanya 35 (believable reactions & concern for innocents)
  Ash 25 (pragmatic & action-oriented)
  Manbearpig 5 (hung back for much of the session, except when Shitanya threw his face into the ground)

Traps

 Jay El 15 (delayed, but successful action)

 Shitanya 295 (quick action & strength)

 Ash 350 (quick thinking pants shuffle)

 Manbearpig 310 (creative gust of wind saves the day)

Total
  JL 790
  Shitanya 1055
  Ash 1040
  Manbearpig 680

Ew, used caltrops. How tacky.

Jay El quickly gathered up the caltrops, and put them into his bags.  "Useful" he smiled.  Shitanya picked one out of her foot and gave it to Jay El to hold on to "keep 'em" she muttered, smashing through the second stone door.

The room opened up into a slightly wider room, and, Manbearpig summoned his best squinting.  "Nothing!" he announced, stepping on, and activating the pit trap below him.  "sheeoooooaaagh!" he screamed, as he jumped out of the way just in time.

It was a long... long... long way down.  "Well, at least I'm good at avoiding them." he thought to himself.

Shitanya sighed and smashed through the wooden door before them, and noted the spiral staircase downwards.

The group eyed the staircase before them and gulped.  Dungeons were scary.

I'm a big boy now

Shitanya was the first to respond, and quickly asked Ash "what should we do?" Ash replied by pants-around-ankles-shuffling towards the former entrance, in possibly one of the more creative, humerous, and effective methods invented for clearing caltrops.

Jay El and Manbearpig began coughing and wheezing.  Manbearpig in particular began feeling the effects nearly immediately.  

Shitanya followed Ash, able to run past him incurring only minor damage to her armored feet.  She smashed her huge, dragon talons against the stone, and even bit into the stone with her powerful jaws.  Ash launched himself at the wall with his spear, and Shitanya continued to claw and chomp at the wall.

Manbearpig, on the brink of losing conciousness, summoned a powerful wind, which pushed the gas past the group long enough for a quick breath of revitalizing fresh air.

This cleared Jay El's mind enough for him to hurl his mace into the wall, cracking it, and allowing the gas to dissipate, and the group to make their way out into the open once more, coughing and wheezed, but otherwise unharmed.

Waving One's Stick at a Moist Innuendo

In the morning, the party was ready.  Shitanya heaved her makeshift doorstops out of the way, and they made their way down a randomly selected hole.

It was a wide, moist hole, which looked as though it had been used regularily by many of the locals.

At the end, was a small obstruction which seemed intended to simply block one's view of what lay beyond said hole.

Ash waved a stick at it for a bit, the party debated, and, eventually, Shitanya walked around, saw a door, and smashed it.