Xylophone Ribs

Tribby smashed and cleaved through the ribs of multiple skeletons, making a pleasant sequence of notes upon their bodies with her club as they were smashed asunder.  Ash yelped in surprise as 4 more of the bone creatures appeared around the room, and an invisible creature stabbed him between his own, considerably less musical ribs.  "They can go invisible!" he yelled, lashing out violently towards the supposed location of his attacker.

Med launched another scorching ray, dodging the retaliatory hail of arrows and stones.  Jay El looked to his right and noted that one of the bone demons which had just appeared was right next to him.  "oh." he said, as he was stabbed in the shoulder.

Manbearpig aimed his bow and snapped his bowstring again.  "fiddlesticks." he murmured.

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uhh... Fifty Cent?

"We're totally winning!" Tribby yelled.  Med laughed with her "Yeah!"

(it was around then that they noticed that none of the baddies had gotten to move yet)

"Oh..." Tribby attempted, as the Bone Devil slashed Ash considerably worse than he'd slashed it, and, to make matters worse, appeared to have either teleported or gone invisible.

"ssshhhiiii..." Tribby continued, as volley upon volley of stones and arrows were launched at Med, tearing through her once prudish and now somewhat Cher-ish garments.  "ttttt" Tribby continued, as the Troll Skeleton and his buddies smashed her with their arms and raked her with their claws.

Jay El stared in Terror as the Bodaks approached, but, his faith seemed to preserve him from their stares of death.

Raelin wrinkled his nose.  "Is that the Ghasts?  Yeesh." and launched a fireball.

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Bone Thugs

The group entered the BOSS ROOM, and, similar to a Megaman boss level, the doors closed and vanished behind them.

"Wuh oh." Jay El grimaced, noting the rather terrifying Bone Devil in the center of the room, the Mohrgs, Bodaks, and undead Trolls.

"Wuh oh!" Med grimaced, noting the shelves of undead goblins skeletons mixed with human skeletons above them, all armed with slings and bows.

Wasting little time, Med took to the skies and fired upon the goblins above with her searing light.

Jay El took a similar approach and attacked the other side of the room.

Ash dove headlong towards the Bone Devil itself, managing to spear it with a mighty blow.

Raelin launched a fireball, and Tribby ran and smashed the nearest skeleton.

All and all, the battle was going favorably.

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I am sensing something from the DM...

The group made its way through the portal, explained to Jay El why they were now able to get through it, and discovered a new, and terrifyingly acid-filled room.

Seeing that it was terrifying, and acid-filled, everyone (including Jay El) decided not to walk into it.

The DM sighed a sigh of relief.

The group instead went back South, and entered another room, filled with furniture, and a floating Ravid.

In the center of the room, was a tell-tale chest filled with all sorts of items which were surely required to advance the plot, as well as a library no doubt filled with information everyone would need.

Tribby attempted to jump over the acid, Jay El told her that the acid was too far to jump across, Ash informed them both that they were no longer in a room with any acid.  Jay El attacked a chair.  Med checked her facebook.

Ash took the reigns and killed the Ravid, took the gold key from him, as well as a gold dagger.  He then told Tribby to smash an aluminum statue while Raelin read about the properties of Aluminum in the library.

Ash picked up the aluminum sword, and, after learning from Raelin that aluminum converted to hydrogen when exposed to acid, got Tribby to smash up the statue, re-explained why, and picked up some of the pieces, and put them into the acid room, which, after a short while, caused a rather large explosion, destroying the wall, and the undead dragon behind it.

Ash explored, found a ruby, and Manbearpig equipped a bow and 6 golden arrows dropped by the undead archers but forgot to write them down in his inventory for later.

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Who is on first? THIRD BASE!

The group entered the first room, grumbling about how they really would have paid attention if they'd been paying attention, and, noted a box.

"Hey, a box." said Ash, like some sort of children's novel.  "And it says: Caution, will reduce wealth" on it.

He paused, glanced at all of his naked companions, shrugged, and opened the box.  Inside, was a ring.  He shrugged again and put it on, and glanced down at his genitals.

Nothing happened.

The group examined the room, and noted that one of the walls was a shimmering type wall, which, Raelin identified as a particular spell which could only be breached via a wooden object.

Tribby walked into it, and asked what it was.  Raelin told her again.

Jay El walked into it and asked what it was.  Raelin told him again.

Eventually, after some discussion (ironically from the half-deaf Ash) about listening skills, the group went down the hallway, and opened a door.

Behind which, was a rather terrifying undead Ogre wielding a wooden club.

Jay El looked at the room, and wondered what was inside it - everyone told him there was an undead ogre wielding a wooden club.  He asked where it was, and they informed him that it was inside the room that he was looking in.

Everyone ran away, Jay El attempted to hide behind something that wasn't there, and, in perhaps a showing of things to come, Raelin informed him as such.  "There isn't anything there to hide behind, Jay El.  This is just a hallway with an undead Ogre at the end of it - you should be running."

Jay El struggled with the complex visuals, and, eventually, acquiesced that Raelin was correct.

As they were being chased by the undead Ogre, they caught a glimpse of the rest of the room behind him - which was filled with more undead - one of which appeared to be a dragon.

The group finished its strategic retreat, gang beat the Ogre, and opened the rippling wood-opens-me portal.

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Nobody lets Petal monologue.

The group climbed out and sighed.

"God damn it." Ash grunted.  "We're back where we started."

Jay El smiled, "that's true buddy ol' pal, but hey, at least we have a new door to go through, now!"

"Hello." said the world.

"Oooooh." the party attempted "...kaaay..."

The walls warped around, and forged a Petal.

"Hey!  It's Petal!" Jay El smiled "Hi Petal!  Sorry about before!"

"Hello biggies." Petal smiled.  "Welcomes to no-nicey place where Petal makesies the rules."

"Awesome, can you get us out of here?"

"QUIET!" Petal yelled, doing her best to be dramatic and evil.  "Petal knows youse is all trying to be goodies but just suck at it."

The group all agreed except for Raelin "Uh, actually, I'm not trying t..."

"No, Petal knows, not you - Petal gets it.  -Anyway, Petal was saying,"

"Its just that I"m not with these people, and, I'm evil.  So, if you're evil..."

"Quiet, please - Petal is monologuing."

"Big word for a pixie."

"Will you... (sigh)  Right.  Anyway:  Petal has been trying to decide on weather or not to killsies you all, or helpsies you out - as Petal would really like to killsies you all, but, you are all needed to savezies the world."

"Wait." Raelin interjected "all of us are needed?"

"...(sigh) yes, all-of-you-are-needed MOVING ON, you..."

"So I can't kill... like... any of these people?"
"So we can't kill Raelin?"

"NO!  N... look, I'm going to be doing the killing!  I'm the big scary evil thing!"

"Heh, right.  Sure, very scary.  Look - just to be clear, why are you mad at us?"

"B... bec... (wasn't I clear on that?  I felt I was clear on that.)  BECAUSE YOU KILLED MY ENTIRE FAMILY... and... also broke some of my toys."

"Oh.  Okay."

"..."

"So..."

"Petal is just seeing if there are any more QUESTIONS."

"No, we're good."

"...okay then.  As Petal was saying - Petal is going to flip a coin.  Heads, petal sends you to a place where youse all gets to watch each others die, forevers and evers.  Tai...."

"What's tails?"

"...ls... TAILS IS Petal helps you.  She gives you one of the thingies you needzies to save the world...sies."

The fairy flipped the coin that would decide the group's entire fate.

"Wait, which one are we hoping for again?"

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56:34 / 60:00 Riddle my wrists, no wait, I mean...

The Party Entered the Room of Riddles

"Y'know, this is my first room of riddles" Med remarked to the rest of the party's surprise. 

Glowing letters appeared in front of Manbearpig.

A king had two sons. The king was getting very old and he didn't know who to give his kingdom to. So he got his sons together for a horse race. He said Whoever's horse crosses the finish line last gets my kingdom. 

So the Sons both started out moving very slow, neither one wishing to pass the other.  Eventually, they noticed an old man walking past them, who they told of their race.  He gave them some advice, and, they followed it and took off as fast as they could.  

What was the advice?

Med paused, and whispered to Manbearpig "swap horses?"

The riddle dissolved, and more of the invisible path was made walkable.

Shimmering words appeared before Ash!

Studies have proven that cheetahs have more hair on one side then on their other side. Some people believe that this is because when Cheetahs lay on their side they need insulation from the cold on the floor or ground. Which side of a cat has more hair? 

Jay El laughed, having heard this one as a child.  "The outside!"

The path elongated, and shimmering words appeared in front of Jay El

What is made of wood but has never been cut?

Jay El frowned "Why did I get the retarded one?  A tree."

The riddle faded, the path elongated, and words shimmered into Raelin's view.

A prison, a sanctuary, a shield and a cell, death would occur had it fell, no hinges nor doors nor windows nor lid, yet golden be what inside, is hid.

Ash pshawed, "a friggin egg, man.  Everyone knows that."

The words sighed, vanished, and shimmered anew in front of Tribby.

A Falcon lays 7 eggs, they hatch and are healthy.  She feeds them, cares for them, and teaches them to fly.  Half of them are boys.  How is this possible?

There was silence.

"Wait, why does Tribby get the hard one?" Jay El said, quite insulted.  "I mean..."

"Shut up!  We don't have time for this!" Raelin snapped.  "it's because the Mom counts, right?"

57:12/60 - The floor sinked slightly

"Oh crap."

The group mumbled to themselves for a bit

58:15/60  "There are two yolks in one?" The floor sunk dramatically.

Ash grunted "The flying part is important..."

59:32/60:00 "Half of them are boys, and the other half are men!" Ash laughed, jokingly

The riddle dissolved.  Apparently he'd been at least partially correct.

Raelin sighed "Whoever put us in here is going to die horribly."

Words shimmered in front of Med.  Raelin groaned.

What is the size of an elephant, lighter than a duck, which follows both creatures?

59:55 / 60:00 "Bloody... THEIR SHADOW!" Raelin screamed.

The riddles complete, and with 5 seconds to spare, the heroes darted for the resulting opening.  As they did so, they began to transform back into their bipedal, opposable thumbed, increased brain cavity selves, and, due to the remaining psychic link, heard nearly immediately what each of them thought of each other's nakedness.

What nobody expected, was that when Tribby turned back, she would split in half.  The invisible path was not big enough to support both of them and, at that moment, Tribby's consciousness had to pick.

Was she to return to the ogre body, or the half elf?

XP


 Quests
  Surviving Petal's Right Brain: 23*75 = 1725


 Killing Stuff
  Ash
    Medium Undead 100
    (Higher CR due to nudity)


 Cool Stuff
  Ash
    Megaraptor lone battle 300
    Megaraptor teeth bashin' spiderman flippin' dinosaur ridin' 300


  Ash 2425
  Jay El 1725
  Manbearpig 1725
  Med 1725
  Raelin 1725

Part 1 (No Tribby)

XP

 Quests

  Surviving Petal's Left Brain: 29*125 = 3625

 Roleplaying

  Med

  wanting to smash stuff in new body 20

  Raelin

  inner monologue 50

  Manbearpig

  Mr. Ed voice 50

 Honors (+5% p/successful creative solution)

Med 17.5%

Raelin 25%

Ash 27.5%

Jay El 10%

  Med (3625+20)*1.175 = 4283

  Raelin (3625+50)*1.25 = 4594

  Ash (3625)*1.275 = 4622

  Jay El (3625)*1.1 = 3988

  Manbearpig (3625+50)*1 = 3675

53:60 / 60:00 - Tick tock!

The party entered a large, five sided room with a huge, deep, dark pit being its only feature.  At the bottom came the sound of rattling bones.

"Those bones sound undead." Ash grunted.

"Man, how do we get across?" Raelin squeaked, noticing Ash's increased lewd stares towards his general direction.  

"Now you know how I feel" Med replied.

"We could use the spiderwalk potion on the duckephant, ride her across..."

"could go back and get all the ropes, tie them together..."

"go down and kill all the undead..."

"SAND!"

Everyone stopped.  "Sand?"

Med smiled, "Yeah, sand!"

Everyone riiiiiiight-ed.  "Oh yeah, the riddle.  Sand.  Okay..."

"So we need sand.  There was that pit of quick to medium quicksand." 

"Right!"

"So what do we do with it?"

"Does the undead snake have skin?"

"No."

"Hm.  No sack-option, then."

"That was creative."

"Thanks."

"Could we superheat the eye dropper we used to drop the potion on tribby, and bend it around the corners, and use it to transport the sand?"

"...no."

"Okay..."

Eventually, they went back, grabbed a handful of sand, and threw it into the pit, showing an invisible bridge.

"Ooooh, like that movie!" they all ooohed.  "Right right."

They ran back, got more sand, and made clear the method with which they were to cross.

They all celebrated and took a moment to congratulate each other on their collective intelligence.

"I'm the most edible creature here - hurry the fuck up!" Raelin interjected.

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53/60 Raelin: "I'm the most edible creature here, hurry the fuck up."

40:00 / 60:00 Closer... closer... meh.

Ash, carrying Raelin, Jay El, and Tribby (of whom the entire party had forgotten was there in Falcon (Thaco) form, as her player was absent) on his back as the ceiling got closer... closer... CLOSER... not really all that suspensefully cloooose aaaaand, leaving just enough time to go back for his proverbial hat, making it across as the ceiling hit the floor behind them.

The three companions jumped off, hit the three switches in the room simultaneously - each switch filling a small potion of "Shrink Animal (Weak)" with a single drop.

As they looked at the small eye dropper in the wall, they realized that it led to a very small, glass tube, and the party decided as a whole that it would be a good idea to put the shrink animal potion into it at some point.

(Also, the door to the maze opened.)

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37:11 / 60:00 +4 to all lice checks

Raelin attempted to snap, failed, attempted to facepalm his forehead, failed, and eventually, simply announced "D'oh!  I'll be right back."

Quickly, he (taking Med with him) went back to the first room, got Med to lower him into the pit with her trunk, scurried across, gnawed a rope, had Mr. Jangles... that is, Jay El, grab the rope and bring it back, nailed the rope to the wooden floor, and tossed it across for Shibou, that is, Med, to grab with her trunk, and then had the Monkey go across the rope followed shortly by Raelin.

"There." he smiled.  +1 to monkey!

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29:56 / 60:00 I use the same reasoning in my porn career

"I'm growing increasingly impatient with all this being-a-rat-and-not-being-able-to-light-people-on-fire... thing."

"Quiet Raelin."

"I'm just saying."

Ash surveyed the area, and noted that there was a hallway with a slow, crushing ceiling "trap" in it which seemed activated by a pressure plate.  "Hmm...  I could run to the end of the hallway before that ceiling crushed me I'll bet." he thought to himself.

"Shouldn't we send the cheetah?" Came Jay El's reply.

"I am the cheetah!  Listening skills!"

"Oh.  Right."

"I wanna step on the pressure plate!"

"NO!  That triggers the crushing ceiling trap!"

"But I'm huge!"

Raelin paused and put his rat hand on Med's giant leg "That is not a good reason" he whispered softly.

"...oh."

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09:11 / 60:00 Workin' togeeeether

Raelin crawled along the grate and noted that, after a bit, below him, were the very ropes which dangled over the abyss which Jay El was attempting to cross.  Using his ratty wits, Raelin gnawed through every second rope, allowing the ropes which, initially, were sightly sagging, to fall down into nice, vertical, easily swingable ropes.

Jay El wiped his hands on his legs and jumped onto the ropes, easily swinging across.  When he was about half way, Raelin sent him a nice evil thought that if he so chose, he could easily gnaw through the ropes to which Jay El was currently clinging.

After a tense moment, Jay El continued along his way and grabbed the potion.  He could not, however, swing back with only one hand, and the potion was too heavy to hold in his mouth.

Raelin jumped out of the way, and Jay El climbed the ropes, and placed the potion in the hole, and Raelin jumped back - pushing the potion all the way to the entrance while Jay El swung back so that he could catch it.

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Tribby would be grateful

Bitching at each other relentlessly, Jay El and Raelin explored the ventilation shaft, and noted there was an opening, as well as a vent which neither could easily reach.  At the opening, there appeared to be a deadly abyss, at the end of which lay a clearly labelled potion of spiderwalk, above the pit was a high ceiling with ropes attached to it, drooping slightly, but not within jumping distance of Jay El.

Ash thought impatiently into their minds.  "Throw the Rat into the vent!"

Jay El and Raelin frowned at each other, but acquiesed that this was the way to go.

Raelin bit his finger, Jay El let out a monkey-yelp, and, frowning, held him over the spiked pit meaningfully.  "Bite me again." he grinned.

Raelin peed himself.

Jay El smiled for a moment, then, realized he was holding the rodent, sighed, and raised the rat up to the vent. Raelin pooped in appreciation.

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Seriously? No traps at all? I rolled a 20...

Raelin timidly explored the bottom of the pit; taking special care to avoid touching the points, walls, and other related paranoia, and found a small hole which he could fit through.  After much deliberation, he did so.

Eventually, Raelin ended up in some tunnels and, came upon a grate which, as he looked out of it, looked out at Jay El from above.  Using his cute widdle wat hands, Raelin un-screwed the grate, considered dropping it on Jay El and decided against it, and, Jay El jumped up.

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Monkey go splat splat cows go moo

Med looked down at her trunk, and over at Jay El's tiny Monkey body and smiled.

"I could totally throw you."

"What, across the river of spikes!?"

"Sure.  You'd land safely."

"right, because... when a gigantic creature hurls a tiny creature across a huge abyss, that always ends well."

Raelin smiled and everyone heard his evil thought.

"Shut up Raelin." Ash grunted.  "Med, throw Jay El across, and aim for the stuffed bear."

Jay El brightened.  "At least I have the potential for a soft landing, that way!"

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Hoodoo you love?

Raelin and Jay El pushed the non-breakable items (the hammer, the nail and the belt) into the pit, and then Jay El tossed him back into the grate so that he could drag his way back to Med, who lifted both the items, and the rat out of the pit.

Raelin paused.  "Hey.  Uh... how do we get the Monkey across the pit?"

Ash meowed and licked his nuts.  "Meh.  Sorry Monkey.  We'll come back for you later." and, as he unlocked the purple door "or, y'know, we'll make a pile of stones in your honor.  Either way."

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Jay El loses his jewels.

Thanks to the mental connection the entire party was sharing, everyone was privy to the innermost thoughts of the party, weather they wanted to be, or not.

"I think that I'm a fucking cheetah!"
"Rat hands!"
"Monkey hands!"
"Can I make a wish on your hands?"
"I'll make a wish for you!  (oh good, middle fingers yay for opposable thumbs!)"
"Everyone shut up!  We're all inside our animals"
"I'm a horse.  (do doo do d-doo)"
"Was anyone awake when this happened?"
"I was.  World got shimmery.  Nobody around, nuthin'"
"Jewel-less!  I feel so separated from my divinity!"
"I could totally smash that door!  I'm freaking HUGE!"
"Hold the hell on!"

The Cheetah (Ash) opened the door.  "Sheesh.  You get trapped in an animal's body and you get all panicky."

Ash paused and looked at some of the smaller animals in the party.  This Cheetah hadn't eaten in a while.

"We should get moving." he muttered, noting that the rest of the party was well aware of his hunger pangs, and hoped that they understood the severity of his request.

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Ba dah dum duuuuuum!

The tireless Ash blinked as his sleeping companions began to waver and fade like some cheesy Nintendo dimensional transfer graphic.  Was his vision getting fuzzy?  Was the world... fading out one pixel at a time?


"Uh... HEY!" Ash yelled, alerting and awaking his comrades.

Raelin looked around "we've shifted phases." he muttered into everyone's minds at once.

Med looked around, and noted that she was in a small room, and that she was surrounded by the group's animal companions, who all seemed smaller than they had been before.


"HEEEEEY!" suddenly echoed inside everyone's minds in a voice similar to Jay El's.


Ash's voice was soon to follow, again, echoing within their minds.  "What the fuck is this place?  Fuckin' fucking fuck.  Fuck.  Fucking fucktardian fucklore."


Raelin noted that he'd likely been shrunk - as all of the animals around him seemed grotesquely large.  He shifted nervously, making sure not to attract the attention of the Cheetah.

"If I shoot an empowered fireball into the ceiling...  would that get us out and kill the rest of these retards?"

"How does that even make sense?"

"At this point I'm willing to try"

"At this point!?  You've been awake for a minute, because I woke you up!  The solution isn't always fireballs!"

Manbearpig chewed his cheek and thought nothing.

Raelin looked for his rat and noted he was nowhere to be found.  "Good.  Wouldn't want the little bugger seeking revenge..."

Jay El looked "what are you talking about, the Rat is right there!  Who is missing is Mr. Jangles!"

Ash noted that his companions had all faded away, and that he was left in a room with the pets they'd all acquired along their journeys.  He noted Jay El's monkey, and decided to pet it.

Jay El noted the giant Cheetah leap towards him and take a swipe at his face.  Immidiately, Jay El reached for his mace and noted it was not there!  Panicking, he swung his empty hand at the Cheetah.


Ash recoiled, noting that the Monkey appeared feral or possibly rabid, then paused

Ash: "Ooooh." echoed shortly thereafter through the joys of mass telepathy.

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Killing the kid, not evil. Raising his pet as a skeleton: evil? Psh, your ethics are whack, yo.

The world faded back into view as Med's holy powers sealed Raelin's neckhole shut (the bad hole, not the good one used for breathing) and he swore angrily at the indignity of it all, glaring for someone to phantasmly kill.  He noted that Tribby seemed to be underneath a Dire Bear, and opted to zap... the bear.

Tribby didn't notice right away, and did a conan-fights-the-rubber-snake (otherwise known as the sacred son of Set) for a bit, before shrugging the behemoth off of her.

The young Troll had stabbed her a few times while the Bear had held her down (whilst mauling!) and she was leaking rather poorly.

Meanwhile, Ash was holding his own against the larger Troll, though it too, was holding its own against him.

Jay El rushed to Tribby's aid, and like a feminine hygiene product advertisement, helped absorb much of her leakage; unlike a feminine hygiene ad, he then sealed the hole from whence the liquid had came.

As a group, they all slew the remaining Trolls.

Jay El looked down at the aborted Father-son picnic, and sighed "is this evil?  Are we doing evil again?" it was getting very difficult for him to tell the difference.

"What?  Pfft, they shot first, dude." Came Ash's reply.

"Oh." Jay El lamented.  "Cool."  Then, after a second "hey, do you think I could raise the corpse of any of these things to serve my dark desires?"

Ash smiled.  "Nah, probably too many hit dice."

Jay El frowned.  "Yeah."

"You could raise it though... make the dire bear undead."

"True..."

"But you couldn't control it."

"...no."

"XP..."

The banter continued for a while on the logistics behind raising enemies simply to kill them, and, in the end, the party continued its journey northward up the mountains, eventually stopping in a rather pleasant (if still frightfully cold) section of rocks, to bunker down for the night.  (or hunker)

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What we have here...

Everyone stopped.  They too, heard, and indeed, even began to feel, the ominous rumbling.

Manbearpig thought silently to himself that it could be some kind of beast - perhaps a worm based on the steadiness of the rumbling.  Raelin was more inclined to think that it was some form of huge chariot.  Tribby came to the conclusion that it was likely not-tummy.

"Thaco." Tribby announced, reminding everyone that she had a familiar, "Go up and look."  Thaco blinked, looked at Tribby, and took off to the skies.

What Thaco saw was a little more that she(?) was able to communicate fully, but her birdbrain did its best.  "Burning... Death... Large... Wood." she(?) described, circling and then returning.  "Coming closer!"

Tribby relayed the bird's thoughts to the group.

"Maybe the forest is on fire?" Jay El put fourth.

Manbearpig thought that this was unlikely, as the cadence of the rumbling lacked the cadence of stampeding animals - however, he felt that it was best for Jay El to learn these things on his own.

Still, he silently reasoned to himself, it would probably be a good idea for the group to find out what it was.

Ash looked pointedly at Manbearpig "Go turn into a bird and give us better recon than Tribby's retarded bird."

Manbearpig nodded and did so.

Below him was a myriad of horrors, vast and terrifying.  Chief among the terrors was the 50 foot across undead scorpion, who appeared to have a giant, glistening skeleton (possibly metallic?) atop it, with multiple arms, and... it was on fire (and seemed to be okay with that).  Beyond that, there were huge...  Manbearpig struggled with what to call them, and ended up with wooden chariots the size of houses, with many, many goblins atop them.  Indeed, surrounding the group of mobile barracks and the fiery undead doom, there were hundreds and hundreds of goblins, and, what appeared to be hobgoblins as well.

Manbearpig returned to the group, and cleared his throat.

"I've had a big realization."

The group looked at Manbearpig expectantly.

"Huge scorpion, with a huge skeleton on top of it."

They looked at him some more.

"Its very bad."

He paused for effect, and, noting that they seemed to want a more elaborite description of everything, added "its very evil."

Ash looked at him, and sighed "What about the wood?"

"There's..." he paused "...a big carriage with many goblins on it."

Raelin decided to get some dialog in "Manbearpig, would you suggest we fight it?"

Jay El, who had been doing his best to listen to the cornucopia of vibrant descriptions coming from the twin recon team, added his own two bits "There's a scorpion?"

Manbearpig looked at him and squinted.

"How big of a scorpion?  Is the skeleton riding it?" Ash prompted

"THERE'S A SKELETON!?" Jay El squeaked

Manbearpig blinked

"What is it?" Med asked

"Should we light it on fire?" Raelin asked

Manbearpig waited for the questions to subside.  "...it's... already on fire."

"WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT!?  WHAT'S ON FIRE!?" Jay El finished, totally exasperated.

Ash grunted, "How would you suggest we fight it?"

Raelin put in his two coppers "psh, how about get the hell out of the way and continue along our way?  How's that sound as a battle strategy?"

"What?  It's only one friggen' scorpion and a skeleton who is already on fire!  That's something Med could kill by herself!"
"No, there was wood!"
"ooOooh WOOoOOD, I'm sooOoo scared!"
"There were some goblins, too!"
"Oh yeah, because we've never been able to kill Goblins before."
"on a carrage!"
"so!?"
"A big carriage, he said a BIG carriage!"
"with little goblins!"

"THERE'S GOBLINS!?"

(this went on for a bit, and eventually...)

"but... but...my player knowledge knows that what we're talking about is considerably more terrifying than what Manbearpig told us about!"
"too bad!  I'm fearless anyway, so I'm still going to say we fight it!"
"Fine then, you fight it!  I say we stick with Raelin's plan of hiding!"

: How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?