Better than randomly talking to a deer, at least.

Jay El looked back at Ash, but, he'd already moved onwards in his tireless march.  Jay El sighed, and put his armor back on and relaxed into the gentle lolling back and forth of Shibou's upper back.  It was like being rocked to sleep, and, honestly, it made it hard for him to stay fully alert.

Suddenly, a fiery hummingbird, presumably the same as before, shot towards the party from the North East and promptly stopped and hovered next to Raelin like a well trained dog expecting a treat.

Raelin, nonplussed, attempted to communicate.

(D'lar, d'luvian, d'skinnar d'shanty, floovie floove flooi, d'shaaaah...)
"To one who is not I, yet to whom we are all a part of, I greet the light of myself within you." he said, in Sylvan.

No response.

(GHREEAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!)
"Hello." he screamed in Draconic

No response.

(Oy, top o' the mornin' to y'then?)
"Well met." he tried, in Elven.

No response.

(How's it goin' eh?)
"I trust you are well?" he attempted, in Common.

No response.

(RREAAAGH!  Gurk gurk!  GRAACK!)
"Do you not seek violence?" he sighed, trying Orc.

No response.

(Eeeeey maaaan, whas' haaaappenin...?)
"State your business." he tried, in Goblin.

No response.

Raelin sighed, and opened the case.  The less than talkative bird immediately flew into the case.

Using his powerful Elven mind, Raelin faced the group and told them of his wise hypothesis.

"It would seem that it went somewhere."

They all nodded.

"And then it came back."

: How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

Oy, in verse.

Ash blinked.

Med snored.

Raelin frowned into his meditation.

Ash blinked again.  "I think I'm gonna go see what Tribby and Manbeardufus are up to." he grunted.  "Hey, Med.  C'mon."

"zzzzzz (snort) muaAh?  Gwah?  Huh?"

"Shut it, let's go already.  I'm bored."

"mmm... okay.  By slavies." She mumble-purred like a drunk kitten getting out of a pile of other, slightly smellier, clearly more disheveled kittens at the kitty equivalent of a frat party.

"..sh, should we just leave Raelin here?" She yawned

"Fuck 'em?" Ash replied in his most reasoning and sympathetic tone.

Med nodded, understandingly.

They tromped through the forest for about two minutes, when Ash suddenly heard a rather large clatter...

and wondered just what, if anything, was the matter.  

Deciding to jump up the tree with care,
he looked down at med and noticed the majority of her chest was bare.  

"Thank Pelor for your cleavage" he thought to himself, 

"those babies could hold snacks just like a shelf."

Tribby ran through the forest, smashing down trees, 

as though panic stricken and fearful of a hive of bees.  

But bees weren't what made Tribby run quite so fast, 

but rather t'were Ogres bearing down upon her mast.  

Six, to be precise, were chasing her so, 

Six of the ogres were what came from Roe.

"Oh Shit!" Med squeeked, climing a tree of her own, 

being less able to leap up on her... own.  

"There's Ogres coming, and they're coming fast!"

Ash laughed to himself and stared at her ass...t?

...

Anyway, Tribby ran with Jay El palmed like a football, and spotted Ash; to whom she yelled the warning that there were 6 Ogres behind her, but kept running.  Manbearpig road beside them, seeing nobody and saying nothing.

Jay El waited for the Ogres to pass, and jumped down and killed one of them.  The rest scattered in 5 different directions and ran away.

Meanwhile, Shibou was trampling her way back to the quarry, following Thaco.  The elephant ran riiiiiight up to Raelin, who chanced interrupting his meditation to peak out of one, fairly concerned eye... but the duckephant stopped in front of him and snorted.

DM's Note: What's with the Christmassy rhyming all of a sudden? I have no idea where that came from, sorry folks. Secondary note: No, I don't know how Jay El got to Tribby to be carried like a football. One of those "I assumed I went with them" things.

: How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

The power of belief

Ash explained the battle plan a few more times to Tribby, and, eventually, Tribby understood and followed through.  She and Manbearpig took off towards Roe, and, once at the clearing, cast message upon THACO, Tribby's falcon, and had it fly towards Shibou.

"Shibou!  Shibou!  Come to Tribby!" Yelled Tribby into her spell, which carried her voice to the bird.

Shibou's ears perked up.  It was her friend, Tribby!

"COME TO TRIBBY!"

She was close!  Close by!  But... Shibou was tied down.  Much like she had been for the majority of her life. And, through experience, she knew, that escape was impossible from the man made harnesses and chains.

"COME ON SHIBOU!"

Why... why would Tribby call her so?  Why would she torment her, knowing that Shibou could not possibly comply?  The ropes had never failed to hold her since she was...

"YOU CAN DO IT SHIBOU!  COME TO TRIBBY!"

Since... she... was... young...

"COME TO TRIBBY!"

Shibou paused, and a moment of reflection was upon her.  When she was but a baby, she'd been tied down with chains... clinking... metal chains...  And she'd tried.  She'd really tried to break them, but she'd been...

"YOU CAN DO IT SHIBOU!"

She'd been... too... small... to break... the... chains...

"COME TO TRIBBY!"

Too small...

Shibou looked down at the Ogres, and remembered when she'd been so small that she'd looked up to the humans.  Too small...

"SHIBOU, YOU CAN COME!"

Shibou looked down at the flimsy chains which the Ogres had strung across her huge neck.  She looked at the Ogres, once, so powerful and intimidating in stature, now diminuative in comparison to Shibou's girth.

"SHIBOU, YOU CAN DO!"

Shibou lurched forward and ran towards the sound of Tribby.  The Ogres grabbed hold of the chains and began to slow her progression.  Shibou panicked  NO!  What had she been thinking!?  She couldn't overpower the masters!  The chains were always too strong!  What was she thinking!?

"COME SHIBOU!  COME!"

Shibou realized that it wasn't the Ogres holding her back.

"COME!"

It... was... her.

"COME!"

Shibou was holding back Shibou.  Shibou was always the one who'd been holding herself back.  She... was...

"COME!"

Shibou ran to the forest at full speed, dragging the Ogres alongside her.  Tribby cheered "GO!  GO SHIBOU!" and launched a magic missile at one of the Ogres to slacken its grip.  "RUN SHIBOU!  RUN TO THE PATH!" She yelled, having the Ogre take off South, allowing Tribby and Manbearpig to engage the six Ogres.

"GO SHIBOU!"

Shibou ran.  Perhaps for the first time, Shibou truly ran free.


: How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

Actually, there are plenty of ways that one could...

Manbearpig soared in falcon form, looking at the Ogre city below.  How decimated Roe had become.  Once a teeming city of thousands, now... well, actually, it was still a teeming city of thousands.  It just... wasn't as sanitary or friendly.  He continued his perimeter of the city, and looked at one of the gates.  Shibou was there, at the gates, surrounded by 6 Ogres who seemed to be stripping her not unlike a carriage left in some of the slummier parts of towns he'd frequented in his day.  It seemed most of their gear had already been pilfered from her saddlebags, and they were now working on removing Shibou's armor itself.

Thankfully, Shibou seemed unharmed.  They even appeared to be feeding her.

"Well" Manbearpig silently reasoned to himself "Looks like Shibou is un-savable, but, at least she's being well taken care of."

Content with his observations, Manbearpig flew back to the quarry from which he'd left.

. How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

Ogre Battle

The Goblins wrapped up their negotiations, and left with the large creature, and our heroes moved in.

Ash, Tribby & Shibou charged in, attacking the front lines, while Jay El, Med & Raelin dimension door-ed their ways behind the group where the Goblins had left from; hidden behind some rocks.

One of the Ogres, which was bright blue, launched into the air, and fired its spells at the melee in progress, as Ogre on Ogre action was taking place while Ash stabbed with his spear and Shibou thrust with her tusks.  Shibou, scared of the spells, took off in a panic, but her damage had been done to the decimated front lines of the Ogres.

Some of the Ogres were hardier than others, but all soon fell to the combined blows of Ash and Tribby.  The Bugbears turned out to be a larger threat to Tribby, scoring a lucky trip with their slaver whips, and providing an opening to the remaining Ogres to pounce upon her, causing very serious wounds.

In retaliation, Med muted the Ogre mage, very much reducing his offensive capabilities, and Jay El took to the air himself, en route for the assist.

Raelin launched a fireball at the Ogres, damaging them greatly, but also alerting them to Med and his presence on the battlefield.  This turned out to be important, as it split the offensive forces nicely.

Ash was mortally wounded by one of the remaining Ogres, but Jay El was able to Teabag* him back to life.

The Ogremage, seeing that the battle wasn't going his way, attempted to fly away, but Med took him out with her own Magic Missile.

Ash, still bleeding, was able to take out another Ogre before it could lay a hand upon him, which freed up Jay El to teabag Tribby.  The bugbears attempted to launch arrows at Jay El, but one broke his bow, and the others missed horribly.

The remaining Ogres around Tribby smashed her and again, brought her down, but Med was able to web the ogres (including Tribby) down, giving Jay El time to heal her, and Ash, again.

The Ogres which were bearing down upon the spellcasters, bore down upon them.  Raelin did much damage to them with his spells, but not enough - the remaining Ogre obliterated Raelin with one shot.

Med, left with the choice to run, or stay and heal Raelin, healed the caustic elf, and, due to Pelor's blessing, was able to avoid being struck by the previously accurate Ogre.  Raelin, in gratitude, turned invisible and ran, muttering something about the best of luck.

Jay El, too far away to reach Med in time, used his sling and pepped the Ogre with a rock with no noticeable effect.

Raelin, having a change of heart, lost his invisibility and zapped the remaining Ogre just as it was about to squish Med like a rather attractive bug.

At this point, all that remained were the bugbears, who were fleeing, but, thanks to the marksmanship of those in the vicinity, all were slain.

*Teabag healing:  When a healer is flying, drops down briefly to touch a damaged companion, heals them, and then promptly flies back up.


LOOT
 $15,000
 +1 ring of protection ($2,000)
 Razor Heavy Shield (1d8 slashing), returns +has ability to store vampric touch spell ($8,000)
 Cursed Healing Helm (2d8+5, -1 to -9 autocast or activate) once p/day ($15,000) -- curse removes all body hair, permanently.
 Wand of Major Image (8 charges left) ($8,000)
 Menacing Leather Armor (30' target creature w/less HD, will save 10+0.5(yourHD)+CHAmod -- panicks 5rounds, save = shaken 1round) use 3xp/day ($40,000)
 Pearl of brain lock Throw to daze creature for 3 rounds, once 900

 Ogre Composite Longbow (Req. +6 str mod to use)

XP: 
 Killing Stuff
  Group
    Manticores 1,000
    Ogres 3,300

 Cool Stuff
  Ash
  Multi-platform attack +210
  Jon Woo Retreat +300
  Battle plan +25

  Tribby
  Flaming Homer +50

  Raelin
  Rat Recon +50

  Med
  Webbed Jillion Damage +50
  Mute the mage +25

  Jay El
  Multi-platform assists+75
  Dimention Door Assault+25
  Teabag Healing +50

 Role Playing
  Ash
  Intimidating goblin +10

  Tribby
  Nosepickin' +80
  Personal pronoun adverse +30

  Jay El
  Prayer +200
  Guilt/Sleepless nights+75

 Alignment Modifiers
  Med +10

ASH +4845
TRIBBY +4460 LEVEL UP!
RAELIN +4350 LEVEL UP!
MED +4385 LEVEL UP!
JAY EL +4725

: How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?

Thank goodness I saved you

The group made their way to the Nykter cave exit, pushing back the adorable, yet clearly distraught swarm of Nykter.  By the thousands they came, yet made no progress past the shield of daylight that they had erected.

As the group pushed out of the exit, the swarm was pushed out first, creating a huge spill of about 700, while the rest remained inside.

Tribby, who had run to check on the animals, mounted Shibou.  "Shibou... CHAAARGE!" she yelled.

Raelin paused.  "Okay.  Maybe the ogre isn't all bad." he chuckled, firing a riccochetting lightning bolt over his shoulder into the cave, frying a few hundred of the Nykter's as an afterthought.

Shibou ran forward, smushing hundreds of Nykter's as she did so, all the while Tribby gave her directions.  "Left!  Now Right!  Try to splash the children with the remains of their parents!  Bwa ha ha ha!"

DM's Note:  Okay, no, she didn't say that.  But honestly... who purposefully tramples a bunch of unarmed, nonthreatening Moguai?

The group (minus Ash, who decided to jog beside it with his spiffy new boots) jumped on to the Duckephant, and, they were off.  The screaming and pleading tribe of Nykter followed them, kept at bay by the daylight stones, but, courageously not by the fear of certain death by trampling, lightning bolt, or worse.

Pop pop squirt squirt

Raelin looked behind him and made sure there were no witnesses, and shoved the lil' squirt underneath Shibou's hoof, squishing him instantly, and giving Shibou quite the fright.  Next, he took a bit of rope and sliced it and wrapped it around a nearby tree, to make it seem as though the squirt had escaped, yet met an unfortunate end.

He looked at the accusatory eyes of Shibou, and, feeling that he should say something, commented "I'm not really sorry." 

Feeling that he'd fulfilled the need for a witty remark, he went back to the gathering of heroes.  

"Alright then.  Let's make this brief." he quipped, entering the caves.

You've got a little something there, in your teeth...

The party wrapped up their Elven affairs, met for a quick pint, discussed the logistics of their travel (negotiating a retainer based upon loot found) and, set out.

"PFFFFFFRRUUOOOOOOQUACK!" The duckephant trumpequacked in greetings, scaring the bejeezus out of Med.

"Holy Pelor's eyelashes, what the heck is that thing!?" She screeched, agog.

"That," Raelin sighed, "is one of the beasts of burden our group seems to have acquired the services of..."  He arched an eyebrow at Tribby, "as near as I can tell, its the second smelliest, and, is some horrid combination of an Elephant... and a duck."

"It a duckephant." Tribby smiled, bits of duckephant poop spitting when she spoke, "Her name Shibou."

Med screeched again, "Pelor's nuts*, you plan on travelling with an Ogre!?"

"TRIBBY A HALF ELF!" Tribby whined, dropping her fecal snack in anger.

"As you can see, this particular one is smarter than the average Ogre, and, seems to be of the opinion that its a half-elf." Raelin chuckled.  "I think she's harmless... As long as we're down-wind, anyway."

Med frowned.  This group was looking like less and less of a Pelorian blessing.  Still, the Lord did tend to work in mysterious ways.

"Hello Tribby." Med attempted a smile.

*it should be noted that Pelor collected Almonds in one of his fables.

Alright, YOU make an elephant-duck noise then.

The great thing about being a highly intelligent, extremely old elf, was the amount of dialects and creative variations of swear words one picked up in the journey of life; Raelin was using up his supply as he rounded the parapet, lamenting about the closeness, yet farness of his plans.  Then, he got off on a tangent about how closeness was a word, but farness wasn't, and how that just wasn't fair.

In fact, he was so into his sporadic, multi-targeted, multi-linguistic cursing, that he nearly missed the expendable, yet seemingly capable, non-elven group of adventurers standing outside the city walls.

In fact, if it hadn't been for the horrid PFFFRRRRRQUACK of whatever-the-hell-that-was to draw his attention in the first place, he might have simply continued on with the swearing.

Sneakily, he slunked up to the edge of the wall and listened in.  The group seemed borderline retarded, in the company of an Ogre claiming to be a half elf, and a poor schlep who had been attempting to gain temporary citizenship for at least a month or so.

"Ho!" he hoed, in a non-promiscuous way, "Hello there." he said, using as small of words as he was able.  "You all want to be inside the city, yes?"

The group replied that they did.

"I see.  Well, perhaps, that is to say, maybe I could vouch for you on a temporary day pass, hmm?"

Manbearpig all but screamed his non-verbal agreement.

Then, something Raelin had yet to hear in his long life, ripped through his eardrums like the bare skin of genitals raking through a briar patch.  The Ogre was attempting to speak in Elvin, with an Ogre tongue.

The combination of the sing-song language done by the Ogre body was akin to the language of Japanese being said by a really, really loud cow, who was in the process of being butchered, much like the language itself, really.  Raelin smiled at his obvservation.  "Should write that one down for later..." he mused.

"Yes, there's a nice Ogre." he attempted.  Then, seeing that Ash was the most level-headed of the group, turned to him and told him to leave his beasts outside, and that the group, assuming they had no issue with checking their weapons and spell components with the guards, could accompany him inside the city on a day-pass.

Tribby's heart sank.  This was really a horrible moment for her.  "I..." she grunted with her Ogre tongue, and then, she stopped.  She was a beast.  She could feel her mind going more and more as of late, and, she did smell.  She reached into the newest pile of Shibou's crap and munched thoughtfully upon it as she did her best to ponder what the differences were between Ogres and Elves.  Surely there wasn't many, but, it was becoming harder and harder for her to remember...

Damn dirty apes! I mean bugs!

The bugs swarmed again.  This time, the party was ready (and allowed to roleplay!)

Quickly, Tribby launched a stream of magic missiles at a single creature.  Again and again the magic found its target - but the creature did not fall!

The blackness enveloped the group, and Tribby launched her magic cone of fire into the darkness above her, causing screeches to be heard upon occasion.

Manbearpig turned into a falcon and flew up into the air, surveying the situation.  Jay El flew up with him, exclaiming how magic was cool as he did so.

Together, they took in what was happening.  Some of the bugs were flying in, grabbing one of the helpless redshirts, er, that is, the valiently fighting escorts, and taking off with them back from whence the bugs had flown.  Others still, were flying in and ensuring that no battle got too out of hand.

Manbearpig steadied his wings and began an attack dive on one of the bugs.  Jay El yelled out a warning "NO!  They'll kill you!"  Manbearpig hesitated, and looked at Jay El.  "Fly to the Elven city!  Get help!  I'll take care of the survivors!"

Manbearpig looked at the situation.  Jay El was right.  There was nothing he could do here.  Although it pained him, he took flight.

Jay El hung there in the air, tempted on joining him, but, those below would need healing after this was done.  And leadership to get the heck out of here.

This battle was over quicker than the last.  The bugs had come more for meat this time, than the last.  As they flew away, he noted how they'd seemed to appear out of nowhere upon their attacks... they... had.  As he watched them scatter and leave, they simply shimmered and vanished from view in the horizon.

Something to look into later.

There were only a few of the guards left, now.  He tended to them, and prayed to his god for the power needed to un-paralyze the duckephant, and the strength he would need to guide it to the elven city.

Shibou had been trained well in the short time it had been in Manbearpig's company, and, having both already tasted the wrath of the flying hoard and being currently surrounded by the dead and dying, needed little encouragement to leave the warzone.

Surgery is different from stabbing?

Jay El squinted into the small incision he'd made into Manbearpig's chest and, with a deft motion, skewered the parasite and quickly removed it from his body.  "Ah!" he exclaimed "I've got it!"

Tribby watched, and grumbled to herself that she'd basically done the same thing.

Jay El peered at the tiny, screaming, armored maggot and frowned.  Judging from its mandibles, it was as he feared.  These things were meant to eat, and grow within, their hosts.

Thankfully, judging by its size, it would probably have an incubation period of about 3 months.  That would give them time to move them, at the very least.

Jay El and Manbearpig worked through the night on their patients, while Tribby leaned against her duckephant, Shibou, and sighed.  "No worry.  You be okay." she smiled, patting the creature until she fell asleep.

Yadda yadda yadda

Using the King as a hostage, the heroes set it upon themselves to free the slaves, concubines, and animals.  Jay El initiated a "handful to each" of the slaves program, where they distributed the hundreds of thousands of copper coins amongst the slaves.

Then, and, it being late clearly effecting both the party and the DM's logic systems... they decided to stay there a few months and make cool stuff.

At some point, urgency and a time limit had been mentioned, in relation to the upcoming end of the world... but, when else would they have the chance to make plate mail for a Duckephant?

They took a cheetah, monkey and a Duckephant, made Armor for Ash, the Duckephant, and Ash's horse; Tribby had the King's crown crafted into a bracelet for her, and, in general, they milked the Kobold dungeon for everything it had.

Little details like sleeping and co-existing and food management were generally glossed over, and Jay El managed not to have any pressing nightmares or plot devices thrown at him during the course of these many months and, in general, the party got away with a lot.

Eventually, they took their 8000 (finally) freed slaves out, went a bit West of the former Roe, and started the slaves off on building the town of Salsa.

At this point, they took the Goblin girl and 50 armed guards to the Goblin city, reunited her with her family, traded a bit of their jewels for gold, sold a bunch of morning stars, and let the Goblins know that they'd pretty much wiped out the Kobold threat.

And now, they were off to the Elf City!

XP

Manbearpig

 Alignment Bonuses +200

 Killing Stuff +600

+300

 Roleplaying +700

 Traps +50

 Prison Break +400

SUB TOTAL 2250

Ash 

 Alignment Bonuses +200

 Killing Stuff +1800

 Roleplaying +700

 Secret Word Solve +50

 Neat Mid Air Spiderman Flip +50

 Milking the armor/treasure/slaves situation for everything it was worth +50

SUB TOTAL 2850

Tribby

 Alignment Bonuses +200

 Killing Stuff +1800

 Roleplaying +700

 Duckephant domestication logic +50

SUB TOTAL 2750

Jay El

 Alignment Bonuses +500

+10% Good

 Killing Stuff +1800

 Roleplaying +700

 Cool use of wind-wall +50

SUB TOTAL 3050

All

 Freed 8000 slaves +2000

 Rescued The Faries +800

 Created Salsa +1200

 Defeated Kobold Dung. +2000

SUB TOTAL 6000

Totals

 Jay El 9050  LEVEL UP! LEVEL UP!

 Ash 8850 LEVEL UP!

 Tribby 8750 LEVEL UP!

 Manbearpig 8250 LEVEL UP! LEVEL UP!

Dr. Seuss would be proud...

Manbearpig, like a cartoon version of the Pink Panther, continued his tip toeing, chain dragging stealthery, and investigated the beastery at the bottom of the stairs.  A menagerie of morose mongooses, mandeers,  duckwoozles, duckephants, geesemice, sheepfrogs and others all paraded around; some chained, others leashed, all being led by various Kobolds into what appeared to be some sort of auction.

At the front of the auction, was an auctioneering Kobold, talking to a fairly faceted screen of a crystalline nature.

Noting the room's contents, Manbearpig stealthily dragged his chain back up the stairs, and went down the other set to investigate.  He heard a clank.  He paused, took a few more steps and heard some more clanking.  It was hard to ascertain if it was simply his chain echoing off the stairs, or, if, in fact, it was coming from downstairs.  He waited a moment, and heard a clank without he moving first.

"Hm..." he guessed.  "Machines?" he quickly pushed aside the notion, having no idea what a machine was.  "Armored mice?"  he poked his head around a corner and looked into the point of the spear which was stabbing him in the eye.  "Jesus-fuck-damn!" he screamed, recoiling and summoning a crocodile.  "fucking shit balls!" he complained, shooting fire randomly into a wall.  "cock eye stab fire crock nuts!" he barked, really freaking out.

His vision in his remaining eye was a little blurry (that can happen when you get stabbed in the face) but, it seemed there was about 25 armored Kobolds tromping towards him with a loud, rhythmic clanking.

"Screw this!" he yelled, and high tailed it out of there, leaving the poor crocodile to defend itself.  (it shed a single tear)