Travel Size Tribby

Tribby dangled from the impressive, able-to-hoist-over-600lbs snare, much of her loose change falling to the ground.  "Woooah!" She yelled, this being her only dialogue contribution in a long time (almost as if her player had been suspiciously absent for this session)

Suddenly, a fairy none of the group recognized flew into view, let out an evil cackle, and shot Tribby with a magic arrow which had two effects.  One, was that it put her immediately to sleep, the other, was that she was shrunk to the size of a Chihuahua.  

Jay El squinted up at the plot device and attempted a spell.  It missed, and the fairy flew away.

"Well." Shitanya said, looking down at the lil' Tribby and putting it into Gluestick's saddlebags.  "At least she's portable."

Fury 5

Jay El glanced up at Petal, who was shaking with range.

"You!"  She screamed, hoarsely, "You are NOT a good biggie!  You are BAD biggies!  Petal heard you!"

Jay El staggered and took to one knee.  "No, Petal, you don't understand, we're trying to save..."

"NO!  PETAL HEARD YOU!  SHE HEARD THE YAPPY SAY YOU WAS FRIENDSIES!  PETAL KNOWS!"

Jay El's eyes gave away his secrets long before he could recover his words.  "I... no!  I mean, we were never friends with..."

"DON'T LIE TO PETAL!  PETAL'S MOMZIE IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOUR FRIENDSIES!"

"It... it isn't like that, I..."

"GET OUT!  LEAVE HOMEPLACE RIGHT NOW!" She screamed, her voice breaking under the strain.

"I... we killed the Kobold, we weren't..."

"NOW!" Petal screamed, her voice leaving her as she attempted to brandish her knife like a 4 year old might threaten a fully grown man.

Jay El's heart sank even further.  "I...  I'm so sorry." He whispered, and backed away from the quivering fairy.

Shitanya put her huge menacing claw on his shoulder in a terrifying show of reassurance and nodded her head silently.  Jay El paused, looked at the former paradise one last time, and turned away.  "I... we're so sorry."

There was nothing more to do here.  

He felt the darkness within him rise. 

There was vengeance to be had.


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Fury 4

The deal was made, and the power was Jay El's to fix this as best he was able.  He ran from corpse to corpse, saving all that he could.  Some were nothing more than dismembered body parts, but, those who still clung to life he was able to stabilize and mend.

Ash and Shitanya took a different approach, and hunted down and slaughtered as many of the Kobolds as they could find, screaming and yelling in frustration as they did so.  Reveling in the violence.  Making their deaths as painful as possible.

Jay El worked long and exhaustively into the night, healing as many as he could.  Gradually, he became aware of Petal's hateful stare.  Jay El knew he could not save her Mother - and felt the guilt like a knife to his heart.  Still, he pressed on, his knees buckling from time to time as exhaustion took him.  Still, he pressed on.

As the sun rose into the sky, Ash and Shitanya staggered back into town, their blood lust momentarily quenched through mutual exhaustion - though the fire they had in their eyes suggested that they'd simply run out of targets, rather than desire.

Jay El finally looked around him.  It seemed he'd done all that he could.  Abatu had granted him the power to save hundreds of lives.  It wasn't enough, but, it was something.

"You." came the angry, accusatory tone.

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Fury 3

Abatu appeared and looked about him.  "Too late."

Jay El grimaced, seeing two of the Kobold's riding dogs fighting over a screaming fairy and tearing it in two.

He knew there was no way for him to save all the fairies.  Even half would be a miracle.  The damage had been done.  "What can we do." He stated, knowing the answer.

Abatu paused and looked at who Jay El was becoming.  "No, Jay El.  You need not become the bezerker this day.  While violence may indeed be the answer forthcoming, now is the time for healing."

Jay El started, about to snap something at Abatu, and then paused, and looked down.  "You're right.  Can you help me save them?"

"Not all of them, no.  Some are too far gone.  I must warn you:  The more I help you, the less you become someone who I would wish to help.  Do you understand that which you are sacrificing?  Who you are to become if this power is misused?"

Jay El gave one last sigh, and conjured up the memory of his daughter's first steps, and a happy memory he often used to sooth himself when remembering why he was on this quest to begin with, when she and he had had a nice moment on a small swing set, and he'd been pushing her lovingly while the wind was blowing through his wife's hair.  The way she'd looked at him, mixed with the sound of his daughter's laughter...  Jay El clenched his teeth as a tear came down his cheek.  "Just do it." he whispered.

The memory was gone.  It had never happened, and he didn't even really understand what he'd lost.  

But he still felt the void nonetheless.  

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Fury 2

The group amassed itself in a horizontal line of fury, and, after casting a myriad of spells upon itself, launched into the village.

What met their eyes and assaulted every sense they had would not leave their nightmares for many years to come.

The beautiful fairy paradise had been turned into a fiery war zone filled with pain and suffering.

Smoking and on fire, the ground itself was littered with the dead and the dying fairies; Many of them children.

Jay El's eyes teared up as he saw the small precocious one who'd brought him the boot when he'd organized a scavenger hunt.  The majority of her skin was burnt black.  Death would be a release for her and Jay El knew it.

As his senses reeled, he realized that the majority of them were badly burned, and those that were alive, were in anguish.  Either screaming from terror, from pain, or from loss.

Possibly the most impotently frustrating aspect of the situation was how far along it all was.  This war was over.  Those kobolds that remained were simply stragglers who were looting or grabbing a last minute handful of screaming snacks for the road, or prisoners for future delights.

The party was met with another challenge.  How best to charge these invaders without accidentally stepping upon the littered fallen?

Solving the situation as best they could, the group summoned Hippogryphs, and mounted them for aerial combat.  Flying down upon the remaining Kobolds and swiftly dispatching them as they retreated.

Bliznark, their old guide yelled to the group that they'd had a deal - that he was supposed to be allowed to eat as many as he wanted.  They slaughtered him like the rest.  His blood splattering upon the body of Petal, who was silently holding the remains of her dead mother in her arms.

Jay El's heart sank the lowest of the group.  This home away from home that he had so loved.  The innocence of the fairies which had so reminded him of his own daughter.  The simple sanctity which had been so horribly violated.

He gritted his teeth and spoke the name.  "Abatu."

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Fury 1

Shitanya paused in mid-stride and lurched to the side, barely avoiding the twitching, charred remains of one of the fairy children.  It gasped, in an attempt to warn them, though no sound came out.

Jay El quickly dashed to the small one's side, and healed it.  The fairy sighed and breathed deeply, its lungs clearing, and even its charred wings reforming.  "Th... thank you biggie." it gasped.  

"What happened here?" Jay El whispered gently.  Even for a fairy, this one was small, and it was clearly terrified.

The small fairy coughed and looked up at its noble protector, "the yappies came...  they killed my mommy, and took my sister and my friend billy and I think they might have eated some of the kids from greengrove and I got so scared I just started flying but then I gotted burnt and then I couldn't fly and I gots stepped on and then I was crawling to try and gets under something so nobodies would steps on me agains, but then I gots stepped on agains and agains, and then I gots kicked by one of the yappies and their doggie bits me and threw me over here and, and, I want my mom!  I want my MOM!" the poor, traumatized fairy sobbed uncontrollably.  

Jay El comforted the infant as best he could.  "I want you to run for now, okay?  Go find some friends.  We'll handle this."  Jay El stood and glared towards the black smoke, clenching an angry fist.  "We'll handle this."

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Hey, mind if we leave some of our shit here?

"Hey, we're just gonna dump some of our crap here.  Hope you don't mind." Ash said, rhetorically, dumping out his bag of holding's contents.

The huge pile of bloody morning stars, bloody bits of broken armor, sacks of poison, scrap metal, broken class, drano, and other fun things for the fairies to play with all spewed out.

Manbearpig smiled, and dumped Gluestick's pack's contents upon the ground as well.  "Yeah, this crap was really weighing us down.  Thanks again."

Tribby lifted the 250 lbs dead carcass' skin and threw it onto the heap.  "Whew, glad I'm not carrying THAT disgusting thing around anymore!  It looks right at home in this little fairy paradise.  Adds a nice touch of... what's the word... ah, crap."

The fairies looked at the pile, and frowned, but, being the nice lil' fellers they were, quickly forgave the group their minor indiscretion.  After all, they were going to pick up the pile of crap soon enough.

"So, how did it go with Poonose?"

"Poonose?" Jay El got jabbed in the ribs by Ash.  "Oh right!  Poonose!  Yeah... ummm we got lost.  Sorry."

Petal laughed at their folly.  Apparently the map he'd drawn for them wasn't quite simple enough.  "Okies, so, you go in a line... that way." she clarified.

"What the hell gender is Petal, anyway?" came Jay El's observation.  "Meh.  Whatevs."

NOW!  We go to Poonose!  They declared, and merrily trotted off.  (Gluestick the merriest of them all, being unencumbered except for Manbearpig's ass)

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The safest way

Petal draws up a very accurate kid-drawing-map (basically a big circle, a line, and a stick drawing of a fairy) "See, dis is us"
"Okay..." Jay El squinted
"And dis is dem."
"Right right..."
"And den dis is a safeplace route - you goes in dis way and its super safzies, very safezies, no scarybites, only birdies sometimes. You go, yes? Gives some shinies to poonose, he likes the reds ones best."

Ash frowned "You said that already, damn it, I am really not killing a damn thing right now, y'know that?  I mean, sure, there's parasites living on human skin in a constant state of dying and growth... then there's my liver cells, a few billion die every second, while a few billion more are created... but that's just not the same as jumping and stabbing something with a spear, y'know?"

The party looked awkwardly over at Ash, then looked back at Jay El, who clearly was the most proficient at communicating with the equivalent-of-4-year-olds.

"So its kind of a straight line?"
"Ya, except for dis bit here, it goes all loopty loop, because there's sum thorny bushes and you could hurtsies your hands if you touch dem so you go uuup and arooound and then throooough, and then you go straitsies some more."
"Thorn bushes.  Like, just regular... thorn bushes?  Not like... a big... self aware giant topiary creature or something?  Okay, that sounds doable..."

The party made their way to Poonose.

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Backpeddaling

Petal gently flies up and guides the misguided... that is to say, previously misguided - Petal has an excellent sense of direction - fairy towards the fairy equivalent of a bench, and laughs with the rather ridiculously badly acting Ogre.

"Hehe, he tinks youse is Poonose (giggle)"

"YEAH THAT WAS FUNNY!" Tribby attempted, now accessing her ancient just-a-boyfriend-scamming-her-for-sex-money-and-laundry-delivery's most secret of teachings, which was to yell when covering up the fact that you were just lying.  "WHOSE POO NOSE, BY THE WAY!?"

"Poo nose is friendzies with us!  He gives us smokeweed and funnyjam, he's a super nice biggie."

"YEAH!  HE SOUNDS AWESooome!" She said, attempting to lower her voice and failing at first.  "So, what sorts of gifts to you give him? (totally not going to steal from you)"

"Oh, we gives him shinythings, he likes the red ones the best!  Petal shows you!" Petal flies off, and comes back with a hefty-for-a-fairy bag of 10 bloodstones.  "You can gifts it to him!  Poonose would likes you, you're a poonose now too! (laughs) only with your bumblies on your chest instead of between the legs!"

"My..."

"Yes, OH!" Petal suddenly stops and points "YOU could get a WHOLE BUNCH of smokeweed and funnyjam!  Poonose wants to gifts us all the time, but we has not much carry - YOU HAVE BIIIIG CARRY!  You're a biiiig biggie!" Petal explained, clearly getting very excited.

It occurred to the party members, who apparently were kind of creepily standing right next to Tribby the whole time but staring off into space, that the petals were similar to 4 year olds.  They gave without thought of repayment, they asked without thought of politeness or protocol.  In essence, they were both the most selfish, and the most giving of mindsets.  Their antics at the party last night had been similar to kids in a playground with a new toy - they'd gathered around each other and without thoughts of anything in particular, enjoyed themselves.

The party had grown to enjoy the antics of the fairies - like running a supercharged daycare or something similar, and they couldn't help but smile at the fairy's child-like request.

"Pfft, why the hell would we do that?" Ash replied.  "Why the hell are we even here!?  What is this all about?  Who the crap am I not killing and... and..."

The rest of the party explained the backstory to him briefly.  "Shard, rats, stones, Gustoff, fairies."

"Jesus, this is the most convoluted..." he rambled off.

Jay El had an interesting idea.  "Hey!  Wanna play a game!?*"

The fairy kids all got really excited, and flew around him... excitedly, and inquired as to the basic layout of the game, the rules, and ultimately, like 3 year olds, remembered very little, but nodded very enthusiastically and kept running away in mid-explanation.

"Its like a scavenger hunt!  You try to find, hold on, you try to find some moonstones, okay wait, moonstones are rocks tha, hold on a sec, that give off a moon-ish glow, and whoever finds the most, I'll sing them a song!" The fairies took off like crazy in every direction - some of them looked under Tribby's fur, others up into the trees, some flew straight up, some simply flew in circles, wondering what team they were on.  A percentage of them flew out into the forest, looking for items.

After a while, some returned, triumphant with a boot, and a sparkly fishing hook.  Others had decided to play another game involving leaves and sticks, others still cried briefly about the teams being unbalanced, despite there never having had been teams assigned, and other still had braided Tribby's naughtybit-coverings.

Jay El looked back to Petal - "So, about Poonose, you want us to head out and grab you some smokeweed then?" And took the bag of 10 bloodstones.

*Actually, this kind of happened before the party, but I forgot so wrote it in here

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All you poo-named Ogres look the same to me

One of the more inebriated fairies, still attempting to recover from last night's adventure, approaches Tribby, thinking she is poo nose, and notes that he's never been to homeplace before.

"Heeeeey poooo NOOOSE!" The fairy drawled.

(It should be noted that, while stumbling and bumping into things would be an appropriate thing to mention, its a flying creature - so instead, imagine a fly with half of its body recently sprayed in hairspray, and gradually, as it hardened, slowly losing altitude, but then, suddenly, gaining a burst of energy, and raising upwards again, only then to be slowly overtaken by the liquid concrete yet again.)

Tribby seeing her opportunity to deceive the fairies quickly accessed her amazing acting skills which she had learned in the ancient Notreallyaplace Mountains from a self proclaimed master of disguise and misdirection.  So cunning was this fellow that he could convince rocks not to land on him, in the time it took them to fall to the ground.  His price had been high.  Daily sex, rubdowns and coins, plus she had to do errands for him every now and then, like pick up his socks from the leathersmithcleaners.  (he had leather socks)

"Uhh... yeeeEeah..." Tribby attempted, then, quickly followed up with "I'm totally Poonose...  hooooows it..." and, after a brief moment, "gooooo-ing?"

It occurred to her that the ancient teacher might have just been an old scab of a boyfriend with one of those Groucho Marx fake noses on, and that she simply hadn't been too astute at the time.
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Its Funzies Time!

"I'm gonna go grab me a club-branch" Tribby prompted, while the others discussed dust-collection ethics.

"Okay, what about a magic dust buster?  Y'know, we enchant something, put a teleport spell on it, it sucks up the dust..."
"Right... right, there's the dirt..."
"Yeah, right.  Well, we could sift it."
"We could, yeah."
"...might be hard."
"Yeah...  like, imagine... sifting out an old native american tribe's skin cells from say, dust and dirt."
"Hm."
"We've discussed just killing them, right?"
"Yeah."
"What if we went to see the Kobolds?"
"Why?"
"To.... ask them about stuff."
"You just want to kill a crapload of kobolds."
"...no..."
"Ashley..."
"Okay, fine, yeah.  But... its hard to jump and poke in caves.  They'd have an advantage!"
"Right."

(and so it went)

(Until...)
IiiiiIiiIIiiiiiits Funzies time!

The fairies grab onto Tribby's fur and pull her towards the party, some others grab the rest and get them to join.

There's a huge glowing orb in the center of the camp that emits neat holographic lights, and the adults all pass out the smokeweed and jars of funnyjam (to which everyone flocks to like they are insanely attracted to it beyond reason) while the kids play in the light and zap each other with purposefully weakened magic arrows.

The party is invited to join in, and everyone has lots of fun, and chases the little tickely arrow shooting tykes.

Tribby pretends to partake of the party's more illicit wares.  Everyone else is fairly sociable and gets moderately wasted.  Shitanya gets absolutely messed up and poops & barfs all over herself.

The party overhears many tails of some "bad fairies"

(There are 10 criminal faeries that have been exiled)

The next morning...
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Mind if we loofa you a bit?

The party continued to discuss the artform of skin cell collection.


"Well, we could... put down drop cloths under where they sleep..."

"No, that wouldn't work... what if we just shook 'em a whole bunch?"

"Nah, that'd be somewhat... violent..."

"We could... ummm..."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"And didn't Gustoff want fairies, not dust?"

"Right, he wanted a steady supply of dust."

"Hm.  Okay, what if we set up a supply route?"

"Through the forest?"

"Yeah, kind of a trek.  Not to mention the inherent dangers..."

"What if we got the rats to do it?"

"Doubtful.  And even then, how would they collect it?"

"Right.  Back to square one."

"So we need some way of getting the fairies back to the town."

"But they don't want to go...  do they?"

"Hey, would you want to come back to the village with us?"

The fairy blinked at the absurd question, looked around to make sure that it was, in fact, paradise in every direction, then laughed with a very Miss Swan "hehe, a...no...  no.  Thank yous tho."

The party discussed some more.  How were they going to get the fairies out of the city?

"Would we be able to hire you guys to act as our bodyguards, back to town?"

Again, the fairies had a hard time understanding.  It seemed as though they didn't really do anything that wasn't inherently fun, or amusing.  They had no concept of profit, or even posessions, which was obvious in there generous gifts and selfless ressurecting of the dead party member.

"no thank yous" they replied, heading back to their game of flying up and down while spinning and attempting to keep eye contact with each other.

These fairies weren't going anywhere.  And it was against the ethics of the party to simply abuse their kindness and force them, let alone put them into slavery/prisons.

The party looked at each other for suggestions.
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We can has fairy dust?

"So..." Jay El prompted to one of the more papa-smurf-ish Fairies, "what do you guys think about fairy dust?"

The Fairy blinked at Jay for a moment, and finally, failing to register, replied with a simple "What's that?"

Jay paused.  Hm.  Hadn't thought of that.  "Alright, uh, its like, this stuff" He said, running his hand against a nearbye surface.

Shitanya and Ash both used small, loud words to illustrate their points "can we has fairy dust?" 

The Fairy blinked for a moment longer, shrugged and replied "sure, you can has." he smiled and, seeing that the conversation was fairly over, flew away to look at something shiny.

"But...  how do we collect the dust?" Came the party's combined exclamation.
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Well I'll be an Ogre's aunt, ain't you the spittin' image of Shitface.

The party made their way to the fairy village, where they were showered with the attention normally reserved for rock stars.

Perhaps it was their stature, perhaps it was the goblin blood, perhaps it was simply that they were unknown or weren't fairies.

Whatever the case, the children fairies especially adored the group, and even tolerated Shitanya and Ash.  And, once Shitanya disposed of the rotting meat, and cleaned herself of many a fecal deposit, she too was embraced amongst the tribe.

If one imagined the Ewoks as tiny bugs with wings, and the ability to form basic sentance structure, one would have a fairly accurate description of the celebration and welcoming that the party enjoyed.

Over the next few days, they showered the party in gifts, based on their favorite colors.  As the fairies tended towards liking shiny things, much of their gifts involved gems to those they liked, and pearls to those they tolerated.

(GREEN emerald necklace Emerald bracelet (1300g) for Jay El, (BLACK black pearl bracelet (500g)) for Ash, flowers for Manbearpig, a bath and perfumes (5g) for Shitanya and a new body (Free rather expensive spell) for Tribby)

"THANK YOU!" came the polite thanks from the huge, smelly ogre which had formerly been Tribby.  The fairies laughed their asses off at her new form.

Tribby looked down at her 10' 600lbs frame and smiled.  "COOL" she whispered to herself.  "I'M AN OGRE."
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Jay El's first taste of power

"Are you good biggies, or bad biggies?" Came the Fairy's reply.

"Hm...  Good biggies." Manbearpig replied.

The fairy narrowed his clearly discerning eyes at the pigmanbear.  He'd been killing goblins... which sometimes hurt the Fairies... but then, Goblins sometimes hurt the Kobolds, who hurt the fairies, which made them less bad, but then still not friends, and then there was the Kobolds who sometimes hurt the Goblins who sometimes hurt the fairies...

"We're nice." He extrapolated.  Thankful that their kobold companion had fled during the fight - as it miiiight have been awkward having him with them.

"Okies, we'll help." The Fairy decided.  And, with that, it went off with its pals and sang a merry tune.

Carnage spewed all around as goblinic death ran rampant throughout the area.  Even Shitanya was at a loss for swearing, and simply lost herself to the never ending chaotic clawing carnage.  (although she did briefly decide to attempt to eat one of the Fairies, but, thankfully, nobody heard her over all the cuffufal)

[boy I miss my spell checker... who removes functionality in a blog so crucial as a spell checker?]

Just when it appeared that the fairies might simply be singing for fun, the Goblins all fell asleep in a large cone of sleepytime.

The fairies then flew to another section of Goblin, and began humming at them.

Carnage carnage carnage, and the party began making their way to the slumbering section of goblins, dragging the holey Tribby with them.

After the second patch of goblins succumed to their collective sleep spell, the smarter of the three fairies again approached Manbearpig.

"Timey we go, now, yes?" the fairy attempted.

Jay El trundled up, covered in the blood of the unlucky.  "hey, I'm AWESOME!" he said, convincingly.

"You are a gooood biggie!" Came the fairy's response; then, upon seeing Ash, asked him the same question of being a good biggie or a bad biggie.

"I fucking love killing shit!" came his reply.

The fairy did its best not to judge, and assumed that, if he was hanging out with someone as awesome as Jay El, he couldn't be all bad.

Jay El convinced the pretty little thing that they just need to pillage the dead before they left for their peaceful village.  (which pretty much used up the last of his entropic magesty) and, the party collected 53 morning stars, 15 leather armors (the majority of the damage that had been done that day was so extensive that, the majority of armors were decimated beyond recognition), 8 shields (for the same reasons) and 20 gold, 100 silver, and 749 copper pieces.

They then headed for the village of the fairies.
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Ants, Allegories, Alligators & Ass whuppin'

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