Thank goodness we saved you

Tribby managed to escape the swearing, highly confused ogre and even managed to light his sack on fire.

This accelerated things to a sliiiiightly more violent level.  In fact, Shitsmear was pissed.  "God damn ogre women and their fucking drama" he thought to himself.  "I'm going to teach that bitch a lesson!" he grabbed his weapons, and headed after her.  The bitch had stolen his shirt and fried his nuts!

Craptastic, seeing that the situation had elevated, decided to fire off a bolt at the now-only-semi-naked thief as his fellow guardsman flopped after her, (but missed horribly).

Tribby, weighed down by her backpack of rotting corpse (the rhino sized creature she'd killed previously) was slowly being overtaken by the considerably less encumbered, rather miffed ogre.

Manbearpig shot Tribby in the leg.  "Sorry!  My bad!" came his apology.  Shitanya looked at him pointedly, remembering his previous attempt to help her.  "What?  Bows are tricky!" he replied, as they collectively swayed in the tree.

The guardsman shot again, missing not-quite-as-horribly as Manbearpig, but still quite woefully.  And Shitsmear tackled Tribby to the ground.  "Gonna rape the everlivin' out of you now!" he bellowed as a rock whizzed by his head.

Jay El frowned, and Ash comforted him "hey, at least you didn't hit Tribby."  Jay El brightened.  There was that, at least.  Ash smiled, seeing that he'd comforted the lad, and spear-flea-jumped his way off the tree to land neatly beside the smoking sack and the sexually frustrated ogre attached to it.  Ash poked him.

Not liking being on the receiving end of an unwanted intrusion, the Ogre stumbled to his feet and saw that this was actually an ambush.  "Uh oh." he managed to say, before getting gang-beat by the group.

The other guardsman in their towers all rang their alarm, again, noticing the distinct difference between a harmless, innocent raping and an ambush.

The party took off like crazy.  Skuzz laughing like crazy the whole time.

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Guys? Getting raped over here... hello?

"Yeah, think about it - they say its the world's oldest profession, right?" Ash extrapolated.

"Oh, I see where you're going with this." Jay El replied.

"Right, see, Elves are the oldest civilization, which means that, unless they were all unemployed for a few thousand years..."

"Right!  By a process of elimination, Elves created prostitution."

"Exactly."

"Man, I could sure go for some Elven prostitutes right about now."

"Aren't you married?"

"Yeeeeah..."

"Dude, you have a daughter and everything!"

"Yeah, I know... but like, I'm like 90% in love with her, y'know?"

"Your daughter?"

"No, I mean, I'm just... all this time on the road, and everything - I just remember being 100% totally in love with my wife, and being completely passionate about returning home and saving the day and all that."

"Yeah?  So what happened?"

"I dunno man, I just... hanging out with those Fairies, I kinda had the thought that... I could just hang out there, y'know?  I mean, those fairies are really cool.  They kind of remind me of kids in general.  Maybe we could just hang out there and skip the whole save the world, thing.  What do you think?"

"Man, I just wanna kill stuff.  Fairies are gay."

"Well, fair enough.  It was a thought, anyway.  Hey, is Tribby getting raped?"

"No, she's okay - she got up."

"Oh.  Okay."

...

"So you'd really want to just live with the fairies?"

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Tribby gets raped (again)

As neither the guards, nor Tribby, understand each other - for the purposes of this capture, both will be speaking in gibberish.

The naked Ogress, trundled up to the nearest guard tower, and called out "Boooogarh!  Floogie floogie?"

The two guards looked down, and made some comments "blooga blooga ka wanga mookie?"

Tribby smiled, and replied "tinka tinka walla binka!"

The guards elbowed each other, and one decided to head down.  And put the moves on the naked lady (though, in his experience, naked Ogre women rarely needed coercion into sex) "Wunga... wunga?" he smiled.

She decided to illustrate her desires, and began pulling on first her breasts, then, his shirt.

The Ogre needed no more encouragement, and began disrobing.

"Wunga!  Wooonga!" She yelled.

He nodded, off-handedly, "gunka gunka, walla wunka" he muttered, taking off his pants.

"woola boola!" She exclaimed

He nodded and smiled, he'd had that reaction many times before.  "woolah." He grinned, and advanced on her.  She pushed him away, he advanced, she pushed him away, he advanced.  He'd had experiences like this, before, too - and knew what to do.

"burly a nogga ficha eh?" he smiled and grappled her to the ground.

She escaped, and thought to herself "escape the rapist, or snag a free shirt..." she bent over and picked up his shirt.  He grappled her to the ground again.  "Bad call." she thought to herself.

The Ogre woman squirmed and wiggled and failed to remove the Ogre from between her legs a second time.

"WUNGA!" came his triumphant cry as he entered her.  The guard up in the tower applauded.  It would be his turn next.

Tribby grunted, and successfully disentangled the fellow.  "Well, at least THIS time he didn't finish..." she rationalized, clearly having been raped one time too many.

___
"So you're saying elves created prostitution?" Jay El replied to Ash, as they hung out in the trees.

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We're really, really good - honest!

Meanwhile... back at the jovial post-genocidal campfire, our group of lawful or at least good characters all sleep the sleep of the guiltless, dreaming of gum drops, rainbows, and the killing of innocents, only interrupted occasionally due to Gluestick's friggin' botched listening check. "IZZATANORC? IzzzzzATanORC?" all friggen night.

Finally, when it WAS an Orc (or 4, in this case), the Horse was busy elsewhere.

It was at this point, that something akin to the nocturnal emissions Spiderman may have undergone during his pubescent years, occurred.

Everyone woke up, covered in a very sticky substance. Orcs thwacked Tribby on the head with a club, and dragged her off.

Jay El, magically able to move, or perhaps simply well practiced at waking up in the middle of the night covered in a sticky substance, attempted to free himself with a well practiced knifing. Didn't work. He somehow ran over to Ash, stole his Falshion, and again sliced at his goo. Didn't quiiite work. Ash headbutted one orc and liquefied him. Everyone ooooh-ed, but nobody aaahh-ed. Though the Ork did spluraaaaftch.

Manbearpig courageously and perfectly burst free from his sticky and icky prison, while Gluestick acted as an ineffective buffer against an ineffective Orc as they both girl-fighted at each other wildly.

Eventually, all the Orcs but one were vanquished, but alas, not before Tribby could be carted away and her abductor could light a smokestick, making tracking her through the thick forest somewhat difficult.

Manbearpig used the magical equivilant of nitros and launched Gluestick into the thick forest blind. Needless to say, they promptly ran into a tree.


~~~~

Tribby regains consciousness. She appears to be tied up, naked, and in the presence of a rather large, rather angry, rather... large, Orc. "At least he's royalty" Tribby rationalized, noticing his necklace bounce off his chest as he raped the bejeezus out of her.

Shitanya, having been riding all day and night is arriving at the Orc village around dawn.

The village is still smoking, though the fire is out, and it appears to be guarded primarily by the male children (aged between 4 and 12) who aren't sure weather or not to give her passage or not, but that's primarily because she hasn't given them a reason to. Putting aside her passion for law and order, Shitanya decided that the direct approach is best and shoved the guard out of the way, who promptly shot her in the chest (natural 20, btw - go kid!), causing her to rethink her strategy.

"Oh! Right. Yeah, there's all kinds of horrible things happening that I don't remember exactly and plague and pestilence and I wet the bed when I was young and... oh yeah, I have a message from somewhere." She explained, pulling the arrow out of her chest and wrapping said message in the bloody bolt and returning it to its owner.

The tiny guard squinted at her. A crazy rambling forgetful half dragon monk lady being his first kill would be pretty bad ass, and that previous shot had been awesome... Having said that, the now-partially-obscured-by-blood message looked like it had been important at one point.

... The Orc child sighed. He'd just have to kill a boar like every other kid.

He told her to wait there, and got Nic-nuk, his dimwitted, spear-toting little brother to go get the Chief.

Nic-Nuk returned, and, giggling, informed his older brother that the Chief was busy, and explained in detail as to how.

The Orc child laughed, and informed the strange rambling dragonlady that she'd have to wait.

~~~~
Manbearpig regained consciousness, Gluestick popped his shoulder back into place, and everyone healed everyone and arrived at the Orc village.

Jay El took the leadership position, and surmised that this time the basic rules of engagement should be gone over ahead of time, so as to avoid the brutal slaying of innocent women and children. Ash objected to most of his tactics due to their lack of efficiency, but acquiesced that, if it would get the party moving forward, that it was fine.

The party walked up and stared angrily at the child guard, and intimidated the crap out of him. Shitanya decided to frown too, though she wasn't sure why. She then got distracted by a fly buzzing near her head.

The party walked in, past the cowering children, and past the now frightened Orc women. Shitanya jogged to catch up. "Hi!" she attempted. Introductions would have to wait, as, the removal of Orc penis would soon take precedence.

"I-I-I w-a-a-a-s s-s-s-ma-a-a-l-l d-o-o-o-w-n th-e-e-e-re" came Tribby's screaming objections as the Sea sluggedly equipped Orc continued to ravish her.

Shitanya took the lead, and attempted to grab the Orc. Unsure as to how, she failed utterly and landed on Tribby instead. But, the Orc missed his own startled attacks (both of them...) and she recovered, and, lawfully ripped off his genitals, thus, disarming him.

Jay El healed over the stump.

They gathered up their belongings, found some neat stuff, and headed back to Roe. Nic-Nuck watched them go, the bloody MESSAGE OF IMPENDING DOOM clutched hard in his tiny, terrified hand.

They divvied up the loot, Manbearpig taking the smokesticks, Jay El took the thunderstone, Ash took the acid, Tribby, the magic gloves, and Shitanya took the Alchemist's fire. And walked casually back to Roe, taking time to heal and rest and tell each other their basic back stories.


Upon making it to town, the group decided to go check out Gustoff's magic shop, and give him the tidy sum of 5 gold in exchange for a 125 gold spell, access to his arcane wisdom, and to put towards the repairs of his shop. Gustoff would charge them 100 gold for the spell, as he (for some unknown reason) likes the party, but, after some impressively poor negotiations were done they managed to get Gustoff to lower his price to 130 gold.

It was then, that the party all decided to give in to plot devices, and touch their friggen gems together. And low and behold, there was plot.
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