Poonose The Terrible

Jay El watched as the 700 pound Ogre smashed the 600 pound Ogre into oblivion with one shot.  Watched as his companion crumpled to the ground in a pile of splintered bone and torn muscle tissue.

"Oh shit." he summarized.

"ooooh shit, oh shit, ooooh shit!" He continued.

Ash launched at the Ogre in an effort to draw his fire.  Gluestick reared up in fear, but Manbearpig's ability as a rider proved more powerful than Gluestick's need to GTFO.  Shitanya, seeing her moment, took a deep breath and swore a mighty shit, and launched herself at the Ogre, missing often, and doing only superficial damage.

Manbearpig quickly summoned a crocodile, hoping it would drag the ogre the fuck away, and into the water where he would stop hitting people with his tree.  The crock valiantly took a quick bite from the foul-tasting ogre, but, the behemoth easily shook the creature off his leg without even turning around.

The enraged Poonose, turned to see the swearing half dragon, and pounded her like a fencepost once, twice... three times was not necessary for this lady.  Her crumbled body fell to the ground, seemingly lifeless.

Jay El was about to yell some more explitives, but, then saw what Poonose'd done to Shitanya, and opted to summon a big bee instead.  "Maybe he's allergic!" he thought to himself.

Ash stabbed into the Ogre with a fearsome thrust, sinking his spear deep into his upper thigh.  Poonose whirled and smashed at Ash, his ears ringing from the impact.  Manbearpig summoned another crocodile, whispering "sick 'em!" so as not to draw too much attention to himself.

Jay El sent out his healing magic to Tribby, watching as her bones receded back into her flesh, which healed back over top of the gruesome wounds.  Her skull reformed, and her ribs gradually distended back to their proper place, and she opened her eyes.

Ash stepped back, and drank a potion of enlarge person - and grew to face this menace.

Tribby blinked.  She was alive!  She was conscious, and not a liquid!  She backed away from the enraged Poonose in terror.  The creature was still really really pissed off.

The Bee stung Poonose in the neck, and he immediately swelled up from the toxins, as they went into his bloodstream.  He visibly slowed, but continued his assault, smashing the crocodiles into oblivion.  Manbearpig avoided eye contact as if to say "I didn't make those crocodiles, it was the cleric"

Manbearpig launched handfulls of fire, the much larger Ash stabbed, Tribby evoked her magic missiles, and Jay El doomed the Ogre with an evil, degenerative spell.

Poonose whirled, seeing the source of his rage and ran towards her.  Ash attempted to seize this opportunity, but missed in the commotion; Tribby saw him coming, and landed a single, thunderous blow to his noggin.

"Leave...  Skuh... skid...maaark...... ah...alooo..nnnne..." he cried, as he succumbed to his wounds, gripping Tribby's fur in a failed attempt to take her with him.

Manbearpig attempted to shoot him with an arrow and missed.  "Dang."
(They looted his corpse)

[+1 hide armor, +1 greatclub, ring of protection +1]

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Oops

The world went red.

Skidmark seemed to scream in protest as the horrible Ogre woman smashed it senselessly with her club.  This was the kind of shit Poonose had left the Ogres for in the first place.  The senseless violence, the wanton destruction.

Poonose forgot his anger management tapes.

He forgot his meditations.

He forgot that he was one with nature.
He forget serenity now.

HE FORGOT, and went into a full-on Wilson-is-just-a-volleyball-but-its-been-my-only-companion-for-so-long-that-I-think-it-talks-to-me-and-I-will-so-totally-kill-you-for-hitting-it-with-your-club RAGE.

He released himself, and allowed himself to do what his species was born to do.

Poonose smashed.

Tribby's head caved in, and she went down like a huge, smelly sack of potatoes, her ribs breaking and imploding under the impact to her skull, as her spine fractured and her left shinbone cracked under the sudden strain.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAGH SKIIIIIDMAAAAAARK!" Poonose screamed.

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The drug deal for the kids goes horribly wrong

Poonose comes out "What you want!?"

"(Or we could do that.  That would work, too.)" came the collective group's muttering.

"We're friends of the fairies, we wanna buy some drugs!"

"Okay, Poonose coming." -- the phrase illicited a horrid mental picture for the group, as he rowed out to meet them in his rather huge, clearly homemade rowboat.  The name "Skidmark" lovingly... painted, let's say, on the side.

"What you want?" Poonose's repeated query came, succinctly.

"Well, we were hoping you might tell us how to make Smokeweed or Funnyjam." They smiled.

Poonose chuckled "That Poonose's trade secret.  Sorry."

The group whispered to each other about killing the rather large-eared creature.  "Yeah, we could totally just kill him and take it, right?  Yeah, no we could - uh huh, what about if you light his house on fire to distract him?  Yeah, we could..."

Tribby decided to smash Skidmark, the lovingly crafted boat that had taken Poonose months of sanding, polishing and carving, with her club, in an effort to make a point.

She succeeded.
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The direct approach

The whistling, happy troupe paused.  Tribby had spotted some traps.  In fact, she easily spotted the snare trap, and threw a rock at it, setting it off.

"That wasn't so bad." they laughed, and Tribby decided to smash the floor with her club for the remaining half mile of travel, setting off several more similar traps along the way.

They came to a clearing, and saw a large lake - thereupon centrally rested a large, clearly renovated houseboat.  Presumably, this was Poonose's humble abode.

Stealthily, they approached - taking the time to circumnavigate the lake, noting that Poonose's(?) boat was docked at the houseboat, in the middle of the lake.

"Well, we could light the house on fire, then swim down and collect the gems." Offered Ash.

"Wait, weren't we going to talk to this guy, and buy drugs for the kids?"

"Pfft, nah, I say we waste him."

"Okay... well, that seems like a good idea, now that you've put it so eloquently.  But how do we know he's home?"

"The boat?"

"The boat's a good point.  Okay, let's send in my bird.  I'll charge it up with shocking grasp, and when he gets hit by the bird, it'll zap him, and that'll piss him off!"

"How is that good?"

"Okay, so the plan needs work."

"What if I kill the boat?" Ash prompted.

"What?" Jay El replied.

"I could totally kill the boat.  You charge me up with some super spell, I launch through the air... I think I could kill the whole houseboat with one hit."

"That's silly."

"No, really, here look!" Ash borrowed Manbearpig's stick without asking, and began drawing physics equations in the dirt.  "See?  My mass would be increased by the giant growth, and..."

Meanwhile, Tribby explored some more, doing some observations.  There didn't appear to be anything overtly hostile in the water; at least, nothing that she could see.

"yeah, but wouldn't your spear crack under the impact?  Or your shoulders explode from the sheer force of doing that?"

There also seemed to be an Ogre-sized hole - clearly this was Poonose's lair.  The multiple approach vectors that this indicated could be tactically taken advantage of through a series of well placed spells of which she could easily...

"No, you see, this spell would increase my strength so dramatically, that I could hold on just as easily as I hold on the rest of the time.  But, you're right about the spear... it would probably shatter under the impact - still, pretty cool concept, killing a house..."

Tribby sighed.  "HEY!  POONOSE!"
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